Black Belt Seduction Blog: How to pick-up, attract and seduce women

If you can get a girl to do you a favor, you automatically create a connection between you and her. As soon as she agrees to help you out, she’s obligated to spending time doing something connected to YOU.

You need to choose the favor carefully though.

Too big and there’s a chance she’ll say no.

Too small and she’ll be able to complete it quickly and therefore forget about you quickly too.

Here’s a good one you can use.

Walk up to a girl or a couple of girls who are talking to each other and say, “Hi. Could you do me a favour?” Don’t give them time to respond to this, just continue by saying, “I’ve got a problem with this phone (hold a cell phone in your hand).

I need to test it. Could one of you hold it for a minute, I’ll go over there and call you.” Chances are at this point they’ll be interested but still a little unsure of you and what you’re suggesting. So smile and with a real air of confidence, say, “It’s okay. It’ll be fun! What’s your name?”

Once they’ve agreed to help you out, move away from them so you’re out of sight, around the corner or something. If you’re at all worried about the safety of your phone in their hands, get a wingman (a buddy of yours) to keep an eye on them from a distance.

He can also watch to see what they say once you’re out of sight and then report back to you a little later. When you’re out of sight, don’t call them for at least 3 full minutes. This will seem like an eternity to them.

They won’t know why you haven’t called. Is the phone broken? Have you tried calling yet? All they’ll be thinking about will be YOU and the situation they’re in with you. After 3 or 5 minutes, call the phone they’re holding for you using a wingman’s cell. It’s up to you what you say, but be playful. After chatting to them for a minute or two, go back to see them and quiz them on how it sounded and if the call went through okay.

The advantages of this opener are plenty.

It’s fun, different and unusual.

The girl or girls interact with you three times in this opener.

First when you approach them and ask the favour, second when you call and speak to them (a nice touch is asking the one who answers to put her friend on the line after 30 seconds and then playing with both of them, being flirty etc.), and third when you go back to them at the end. That’s three times the impact of any other conventional opener.

By the time you return, they’re totally wrapped up in your reality. You’re connected with them like you’ve known them forever. Inviting them to join you and your friends is easy for them to happily agree to. Simple…

Here’s how to totally eradicate your fear of walking up to a woman you’re attracted to and talking to her…

Literally walking up to or otherwise getting close to a girl or group of girls and beginning a conversation with them can be extremely daunting and even scary for a guy—even if he’s usually confident and self-assured.

Approaching a girl or group in this way is simply known as ‘opening’ and it is one of the biggest fears and obstacles guys have trouble with when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex with the goal of attracting them in mind. It’s not hard to see why.

Approaching and opening involves quite a large investment of effort on your part and seems, at first glance, to come with a fair amount of risk associated with it.

Let’s first look at the reasons men have trouble confidently approaching and opening. Then we’ll look at how you can bypass your approach anxiety and thereby open successfully whenever and wherever you choose to do so.

The mains reasons men fear the approach are:

• They’re scared of immediately getting shot down, rejected and made a fool of by the girl they start a conversation with

• They think that the girl will immediately think that they’re trying to pick them up and seduce them and will therefore be extremely unenthusiastic about the idea of having anything like a normal, fun conversation with them

• Because of their insecurities, guys worry that a few minutes into the conversation with a girl, they’ll lose their initial feeling of confidence and slowly begin to unravel and lose it

• Men know that a successful pick-up involves more than just approaching and opening and therefore look ahead to the other stages of seduction and worry about them. They think how hard the conversation will be to maintain, for example, and how tricky it will be to close at the end of the chat and get a good result from it, like the girl’s phone number or a date with her

• They ponder over what guys who are already in the vicinity of the girl they’re interested in will think when they approach and get talking to her. ‘Will they see that I’m trying to pick-up the girl and try to thwart my attempt?’

There are other reasons guys fear the approach, but the remaining ones I haven’t listed fall into similar categories to the ones you’ve just read. They mainly relate to fears of being laughed at by the girl or otherwise rejected.

The first thing you need to do to conquer any fear of approaching you may have, is read, contemplate and truly understand and believe the following two concepts:

1. It’s vitally important that you forget about the goal of attracting women when you’re out on a daily basis. When you make the mistake of mainly thinking about the end goal in this way, you overload your brain with a mass of obstacles, problems and difficulties. Put simply, you cast your attention too far into the future and by doing so make things seem harder and more impossible than they really ever should be.

Instead, you should always concentrate on the sub-stages of attraction – the smaller steps and not the larger ones further down the line. So when you’re approaching women, DO NOT actively think about how you’re going to finally get her number or what you’re going to talk about in an hour’s time. Let your interactions with women take on an organic, free-flowing nature.

2. “How am I supposed to not think about the actual conversation, when it’s going to follow only moments after my opener? And how am I supposed to keep my mind off the problem of closing, when that’s the only thing that’s going to make my interactions with women truly successful?” The answer is: have faith in yourself. If you’re able to have a fun, lively conversation with one of your male friends, then you can do the same with an attractive woman. You just need to be laid back and unconcerned with what the outcome of your conversation will be.

Once you’ve completely taken on board the two concepts above, read over the following quick rules of thumb. Remembering and trusting in them will really help you approach and start talking to women confidently and effectively:

• The realistic worst-case scenario of an approach will never, ever be as bad as you might imagine. If a girl simply doesn’t seem to want to talk to you, that’s fine. You’re free to simply move on and talk to someone else. Her loss. Stay friendly and sociable and it will be the girls who don’t want to talk to you who will come off badly and seem frosty and unfriendly.

• When you approach, only have the following at the forefront of your mind: I’m going to start and maintain a fun and interesting conversation with this girl. By thinking along these lines, you take out all of the sleaze of the interaction and the girls you talk to will sense this and like it.

• Women have no problem talking to guys they don’t know if those guys are friendly, confident and interesting. You ARE all three of these things, so don’t worry about girls not wanting to chat to you because they’re uninterested in the idea of getting to know you.

• Girls, the vast majority of the time, don’t do the approaching. They don’t make the first move. This is the case because they don’t need to – they know men will do it. This is one aspect of social life between the sexes in which women have the lion’s share of the power over men. But don’t let that be a negative thing. Instead, remember this fact: because women leave the approaching and opening to men, when it happens in a positive and attractive way, they EMBRACE and enjoy it. Women dig it when guys approach them and bowl them over with their charisma, charm, confidence and humor. You’ve only got to watch a couple of chick flicks to see evidence of this fact.

There’s no doubt about it: finishing a good conversation with a woman by asking for her number or arranging another meet-up with her can be tricky…very tricky.

In fact, it’s quite possibly the biggest stumbling block men have when it comes to attracting the opposite sex.

It’s the point in the conversation when everything seems to go out of the window.

They don’t know whether to say outright what they want, or to try and be ‘subtle’ about it.

They don’t know if the girl will slap them or hug them. It’s hard—but only when you don’t know what the rules are for closing.

Closing is the final stage in a conversation you have with a woman. It’s the point at which you need to arrange something or swap contact information.

Here are some solid tips and pieces of advice to help you close in style, quickly and risk-free.

Tip #1: It shouldn’t be a shock to the girl. It should instead feel like the natural, obvious and mutually-desired outcome to what has been a fun, flirtatious, exciting social interaction.

Tip #2: Be bold and outright. Don’t skirt around the subject of you both seeing each other again. Be enthusiastic, because enthusiasm is contagious. If you’re passionate about the idea of seeing each other again, she’ll be passionate about the idea too. Women spend years hoping for just that kind of mutually enjoyed sexual chemistry.

Tip #3: Avoid the clichéd method of closing so many men use at the end of their conversations with women. You need to dodge these because they’ve become too closely associated with the idea of men controlling women, which isn’t what you’re about. Clichéd closes include things like asking for a girl’s number. A better closer than this one is to SWAP numbers. As well as avoiding the cliché, by swapping contact details you also maintain the balance of power between the two of you. Only getting her cell phone number would be giving her all of the control. Women, as you know, don’t find men who aren’t in some sort of control of them attractive.

Tip #4: Don’t beat about the bush or be indecisive. Instead of saying,

“How about we do something sometime?” be specific. Suggest exactly what it is you could do and when. Here’s why you should do this.

It relates to a universal aspect of the human decision making process. Imagine asking a child what they want to eat for their dinner. Unless they have a favorite dish, it’s pretty likely they won’t give you a straight answer. Even if they do reply with a specific answer, there’s a strong likelihood it won’t be the one you’re looking for. Now imagine saying to a kid,

“Do you want spaghetti or pizza for your dinner?”

By limiting their options you make them choose between two choices, both of which are fine by you. When you suggest to a girl you go see a movie, you make her think about that specific event. Even if she doesn’t want to do exactly that, the fact is that you’ve made her think about doing SOMETHING with you, as opposed to nothing – which is what would have come to mind, or not, as the case happens to be, if you had been too broad and non-specific in your suggestion.

When you’re bold and direct with your closer, women tend to respond quickly and positively. You’ve done the hard work for them and they love that fact.

When you’re out playing the attraction and seduction game, the chances are you’re going to find yourself approaching groups of people that consist of a mix of men AND women. To stand the best chance of building sexual chemistry with one or more of the girls in these groups, you need to adapt your style and method in a special way.

First you need to effectively get the guys in the group on your side, liking you and enjoying your company, then – and only then – you’re free to work on the girls and get them attracted to you.

Too many guys make the mistake of not addressing the issue of existing male competition properly, and their openers and conversations with the girls they’re interested in getting to know are doomed as a result – and they’re usually oblivious to the real reason they failed: the guys they failed to first win over.

Here’s why befriending guys in mixed groups is so important. It all revolves around a central theme of respect and threat.

Imagine you’re with some friends.

There’s you, two of your guy friends, one of your female friends and two other girls who you only know a little bit – they’re friends of friends.

You’re out drinking and socializing, having a good time. A guy walks towards your group and sparks up a conversation with your female friend.

You can’t hear much of what he’s saying but you can tell he’s not just asking the time or for directions to the bathroom.

Oh well, you leave them to it for a couple of minutes. A little time passes and, glancing back over, you see that this guy’s still standing there talking to your female friend.

He’s hitting on her – he must be.

Now, most men in this situation would start to get a little annoyed at this guy who’s just introduced himself to their female friend. He’s pretty much barged in, thinking he can do what he wants.

They may not think so consciously, in those exact words, but the feeling no doubt flashes through their minds.

The seed is planted.

They have no reason to like this stranger. If anything, they dislike him a little, without even really knowing it. After all, this guy’s broken up the dynamic of their group a little with his self-initiated introduction.

It’s a safe bet that, nine times out of ten, if this situation occurred in real life the guy’s chances of successfully attracting, talking to and closing the girl would be severely limited by the girl’s male friends, simply because he didn’t befriend them first.

In one way or another, they’d probably thwart his efforts, either by interrupting his conversation or by simply being socially hostile to him in some other way.

So, how do you avoid this problem? How do you get guys on your side? Here’s how:

• Remember that when you approach a mixed group, the guys in it will be subconsciously evaluating you. They’ll be looking to see if you’re showing them signs of respect or disrespect, and if you’re a threat to them. The best way to make them feel good on both of these points is to focus no more intently on the girls than you do them, at least for the first five or ten minutes. Talk to the guys just as much as you talk to the girls and do it in a fairly similar way. Be just as friendly, open and charismatic. Clearly you shouldn’t flirt with them, but you shouldn’t really be openly and flagrantly flirting with the girls either, at least not right at the start of your interaction with the group.

• Guys don’t mind you talking to their female friends as long as they like you and think you’re a decent guy. If you come across as sleazy or seedy, they’ll be extremely hostile to the idea of you chatting to their friends. If you’re friendly and non-threatening, they won’t mind at all.

• Something you should never do when you approach a mixed set is “alpha male” one or more of the guys. “Alpha male-ing” is when a guy consciously or subconsciously sucks value from another guy while in front of women. For example: Two guys are in a mixed set and one says to the other, in earshot of the girls: “When are you gonna start driving though? I can’t be your chauffeur forever!” Even said playfully, this kind of comment makes the guy who’s receiving it look and/or feel of lower value then the guy who’s giving it. So always make sure you don’t alpha male any guys in a mixed set in any way. Genuinely try to make them your friends – it’s the best way.

• Another great reason to befriend guys in mixed groups, apart from the fact that doing so removes them as obstacles between you and the girl or girls you’re interested in attracting, is because it makes you seem genuinely friendly, confident and socially intelligent – all traits women find alluring and attractive. When they see that you can make friends with people who are already in their “tribe” you demonstrate that you’re of high value and therefore a viable and positive option as a mate.

• A final tip on how to befriend guys in mixed groups is as follows.

Play the same fun games with the guys as those you play with the girls. Personality tests, small bets…whatever it is, spread the fun evenly between the guys and girls to start with.

Then, a little later once you’ve got the guys on your side, you’re free to isolate one or two of the girls and concentrate on flirting and playing with them more intently and closely.

Did you know that looking like you have a girlfriend is the best way to actually get a really hot one?

You’ve no doubt experienced this before. You want to talk to a woman, but when you start a conversation with her, something doesn’t feel right. It’s like she can tell you’re a single guy looking to attract someone and date her. And, as a result, she doesn’t want to commit to properly talking to you. Your chances of attracting her are therefore nil, or close to it. So, what can you do? You can use an extremely clever psychological principle…that’s what.

When a girl sees a guy with his girlfriend, especially if his girlfriend has high social value (which often stems from her being attractive and/or having a large and popular social circle of friends, both male and female) she knows instantly that he possesses boyfriend-quality traits and characteristics. He’s wanted by another woman as is seen by her to be attractive and socially high-ranking. This is a perfect short-cut for all women who see him with his girlfriend, because a massive part of the work they’d usually have to do, which would involve testing him and watching him to determine how viable he is as a partner, has been done for them.

Before you say it, I know what you’re thinking: “That’s great, but if I already had a girlfriend, I wouldn’t need to worry about attracting other girls!” Aside from the “already taken” side of this concept being good to know for future reference and use when you do have a girlfriend, it can still be used in the field to the same effect without having a girlfriend. The psychology can be exploited in exactly the same way.

Here’s how.

When women see you talking to other women, impressing them and generally successfully interacting with them, the “he’s taken so must have something going for him” concept kicks in. They find you more attractive and of higher social value. So any time you can talk to a girl or group of girls in a club or bar, for example, DO IT and do it WELL. Other girls in the place will subconsciously clock you and mark you as “high social value” in their minds.

You can take advantage of the “out of reach” part of this concept by deflecting your attention away from your real target girl and onto one of her male or female friends. Clearly, if it’s a male friend you’ll deflect onto, you won’t be trying to attract him – instead you should simply aim to win him over and get him on your side. This will act as further proof in your target girl’s mind that you’re socially intelligent, conversationally capable and, therefore, sexually attractive.

If you are deflecting onto a female, then use similar techniques to those you’d use to attract any girl – tease her, be warm then a little cold, play the whole push/pull game with her, etc. It doesn’t matter that she isn’t your actual target female – when any girl that is your target sees you interacting with another girl well, she’ll boost her opinion of you in her mind and therefore become more interested in getting some of your attention. A large part of the “out of reach” side of this concept is in being exactly that: a little out of reach. What I mean is this. When you’re out with friends, most of which will probably be guys, you need to remember that they are your tribe.

They’re the ones you’re loyal to over everyone else. After all, you’ve probably known them for years – why should you value anyone else more than them? Guys who fail to do this and, in a effort to attract girls, follow them around and generally spend too much time focusing their attention on girls they’ve only just met convey to them the following message: “I’m so excited by being in your company, an attractive woman, that I’ll do whatever it takes to be around you for even just a little bit longer.”

This is obviously a pretty unappealing thing for women to notice in a guy. They want men who lead their tribes confidently and casually, not men who break away from their tribes for unnatural periods of time to chase women. So, make it your goal to always involve your friends in your interaction with a girl every 10 minutes or so.

If you’re not with friends when you open, involve other people by bringing them into the conversation. Doing so will keep your high social value intact and boost the feeling of scarcity in the girl’s mind when it comes to getting and keeping your attention. Don’t be standoffish, though. Be charismatic and funny by all means – just remember to spread yourself around and deflect your focus onto other people often, especially if you’re with friends.

Having a female wing (someone you’re out with who can join in with the interactions you have with girls) is a really great way of using this concept. And, on a side note, avoid opening with just you and one friend who’s a guy. It looks sleazy and feels intimidating to women. Instead, open by yourself then have your male wing join you 5 minutes later. That way your social value suddenly shoots up and the conversation is given a new spark because of his presence. So, here’s what you need to remember:

1. When you talk to attractive women, other women will see you and become attracted to you. It doesn’t matter if you’re succeeding in attracting a woman. As long as you are talking to her and it looks likes it’s going well from afar, other women will mark you as high-value and attractive in their minds. Possibly the best way to take advantage of this concept is to go out with female friends as well as male friends.

2. You should never give more attention to women you don’t know than the male friends you’ve known for years. This makes you look try-hard and false. Instead, bring your male friends into your conversations with women and make sure you’re always showing that you’re loyal to the people you know, above anyone else.

Women produce one egg per month. That’s one chance to get pregnant. Men produce 200 million sperm per day. That’s, well, a LOT of chances to impregnate women. Things are not equal between the sexes when it comes to attraction and pair bonding. They never have been and probably never will be.

As such, women consider different things and use different criteria when selecting a ‘mate’ than men do when they select a woman as a potential partner. This means that when you’re talking to a woman you want to attract, you need to pay close attention to not only what you say and how you say it, but also how you respond to everything the woman says, using your facial expressions, body language and words.

Here’s the general rule. Women want two things from men. First and foremost, they’re initially attracted to a man who is a tribal leader. In other words, the guy must be of fairly high social status. This doesn’t refer to the job he has or the money in his bank account. It means how he behaves. If he’s sure of himself, assertive, easy to talk to and—crucially—the kind of man other men look up to, respect and aspire to be like, then he’s A-OK in the minds of most women.

The high status guy just described is strong and his genes reflect as much. Strong genes mean a better chance of survival. Women want to mix their genes with a man’s strong genes, but they don’t want to be deserted or left for another woman by their strong, high status male. This leads us to the next thing women look for in men: loyalty, protection and security. Once a woman had been impregnated back in our caveman days, she was very vulnerable. She needed security. So women naturally look for the same thing these days.

You want to be a mix of high-status with loyal and dependable.

Now you know this, we can move onto talking about ‘outcome dependency’. A truly high-status male is called high status because he is a leader.

He is the…dare I say it…’alpha male’.

He gets to pick his women and they’ll be only too happy to accept his choice. He isn’t an idiot or arrogant—he’s just high-status.

So, when a man talks to a woman, she’ll subconsciously assess whether he’s high status (and therefore attractive).

One way she does this is by seeing if he’s outcome dependant. This means how much he cares about the conversation he’s having with her and whether or not she likes or feels attracted to him.

You see, when you talk to a woman you want to attract, you need to make it seem like that’s not what you’re primarily trying to do. Otherwise it will look like you’re chasing her, instead of the other way around.

So, how do you make sure you don’t look outcome dependant? Here are some tips:

- When you first start talking to a woman, you don’t know her and you don’t owe her anything. You treat her like you would anyone when meeting them for the first time. You don’t try to be any funnier, more laid back, less laid back…or anything. You’re still your usual friendly self, you just don’t go out of your way to impress or instantly bond with the girl.

- Don’t agree with her just because you want to get along and be on her good side. If you disagree with something she says, you can say so. If she likes a band and starts to tell you about them, don’t say “Oh, yeah! I really like them too” unless you really do. Then, and only then, you could talk about them and show you really have an interest in them. Otherwise, stay neutral.

- As you slowly begin to get to know each other, you can let her in a bit. She’s earned more of your time (and you’ve earned more of hers). Nevertheless, don’t keep grinning or laughing at all of her jokes. Remember, you’re the high-status male here. She is the female in this relationship.

There are a few tips to start you off.

You can also use outcome dependency to check how interested in you and attracted a girl is to you.

While talking to her, look to see how much she is smiling. If she’s smiling even when you’re not saying anything amusing or ‘happy’, she likes you.

But make sure it’s not a plastic smile.

You’ll know whether it’s genuine or not when you look closely. Next, is she nodding a lot? Yes = attraction. Is she finishing your sentences? Yes = she wants to impress you.

The science of attraction and seduction goes on. With the right tools, you can become a total expert at social interaction with women that specifically leads to sexual attraction.