Black Belt Seduction Blog: How to pick-up, attract and seduce women

In the world of the pick up artist, getting a girl’s phone number after having a conversation with her is called ‘closing’. It’s a term that has been borrowed from the world of sales. Closing is one of the things men struggle with most because it’s make or break for them—even after they’ve had a really good conversation with a woman, it can all go down hill in an instant if she turns him down at the last second. He could look a fool for trying to close.

When you close, the first thing you need to remember is that there MUST be attraction and rapport between you and the woman. If there isn’t, how could the woman be expected to give you her phone number? Check her body language and analyze the things she’s saying to see if she is attracted to you. Then, follow this advice.

1. You should make it easy for the girl to agree to what you’re suggesting.

If you take the hard work out of the decision making process, she doesn’t need to think of things you could do or why you should do them. All she needs to say is “yes!” Sometimes a girl really will want to see you again, but because arranging something can be such an awkward task, she’ll decide it’s too much hard work to bother with. By giving her a clear and concise choice, you remove this problem completely.

2. You should demonstrate you’re confident enough that she likes you to suggest you see each other again.

By showing that you think it’s more than likely she find you attractive, you also show that you have a high opinion of yourself, a solid level of self-confidence and self-belief. And because she’s the one recognizing these positive traits in you, you don’t come across as over-confident an arrogant, so many guys who push their false self-assuredness in girls’ faces.

3. You should set the standard and allow the girl to suggest something equally specific.

Let’s say the girl couldn’t agree to your first suggestion for some reason. She definitely likes you, but simply couldn’t say ‘yes’. For example, perhaps you attempted an arrangement close by saying you should swap email addresses. Unfortunately, she genuinely doesn’t have one. However, because you were so straight-forward and specific in suggesting how you could swap contact information, the girl is now much, much more likely to say something like, “I don’t have an email address. I’ve got my cell phone though! Here’s my number…” If you had been ambiguous when you made your first suggestion, the girl would have probably followed in your first steps and not jumped at the chance to make her own specific suggestion.

4. Your directness should demonstrate positive interest, as opposed to negative intentions

In conversation, it’s important you don’t quickly skip from subject to subject because doing so shows that you don’t really care what you talk about with a girl, just that you are talking to her. This lowers your value in her mind, because you’re putting her on a pedestal that says she deserves special attention and adoration. In closing, a similar concept applies. When you’re specific in your closing suggestion, you show that you interested in doing a particular thing with the girl, something you’ve thought about and decided would be fun. When you make the suggestion to the girl, she recognizes this and likes it – which makes her say ‘yes’. However, if you are vague in what you suggest when you close, the followed message is conveyed to the girl: “I don’t really care what we do or when we do it, all I know is that I want to see you again!” This doesn’t come across as very attractive to her because, once again, she’s been unduly elevated to a superior level to you. For her to be attracted to you, she needs to either be on a par with your or a little below.

Follow these general rules and closing will never be as difficult for you as it is for most other men.

When most men talk to women, they play things much too safe. And the hotter the woman is, the safer they tend to play the game. What this means is that the take very few, if any risks. They don’t push the boat out and demonstrate to the woman that they are truly confident and socially experienced. It’s really no wonder beautiful women get bored talking to most guys after about 3 minutes: the guys give the women nothing to be really interested in. That’s not to say that the guys don’t give the women anything, far from it, they give the women anything they want: they laugh at their jokes, buy their drinks, agree with their opinions, nod their heads for hours…but they still don’t give the woman what she really wants—a little uncertainty and spontaneity.

When you show a woman that you are capable of taking risks, she respects you more and considers you to be of higher social value (and therefore attractiveness) than the men she meets who take fewer risks. Take the following as an example.

A guy has been talking to a hot woman for 4 minutes. The conversation has been fairly good. There has been a bit of a spark and some good laughter. However, things have started to slow down by the 5 minute mark. The guy thinks the girl likes him and is somewhat attracted to him, but he can’t be sure. The woman pretty much knows for sure that the guy is attracted to her. She is therefore holding back a little—she isn’t massively forthcoming with new topics of conversation and fun things to do to fire up the interaction again. The man has a choice here. He needs to decide what to do next. He does what most men do: he tries to fire up the conversation. He turns up his energy and picks something fun to talk about. It works, to some degree. The conversation continues.

But what if the guy had taken a risk at the 4 minute mark? Think about it. The man thought the woman was probably somewhat attracted to him, whereas the woman knew for sure that the man was attracted to her. At this point, the man is in the slightly weaker, harder position. He’s got the most work to do. BUT, instead of accepting that challenge and plowing through some new conversational material, what if he took a risk and froze the woman out a little? Instead of doing what the woman expects him to, he could do something unexpected, by turning his body slightly away from her and talking to someone else. This is truly pushing the boat out. It shows extreme social confidence, because the man clearly isn’t relying on his conversation with the woman to be the defining part of his night. Not only does he demonstrate this attractive quality of independent value, he also performs a test. How will the woman react? If she is genuinely attracted to him, she will react by trying to get his attention back. He she isn’t, she won’t. The test is perfect, because if she reacts by seeking his attention once more, he can reward her by talking to her again. If she doesn’t bother, then the problem is solved for the guy. He either moves on or goes back to talk to her with new knowledge: she is not yet attracted to him and therefore more work needs to be done to develop an attraction.

By taking this kind of social ‘risk’, you can kill two birds with one seduction stone. You demonstrate attractive male qualities (risk taker, independent thinker, socially confident) AND you find out what the woman’s feelings towards you really are.

Becoming a pick up artist (a.k.a. a man who is attractive to most women because of things he consciously says and does) is an on-going process. It doesn’t happen overnight. It’s just like becoming good at anything else, be it playing a musical instrument or sport—you need to dedicate time to learning and putting what you learn into practice. There are dozens or even hundreds of different things you need to know and use to be a highly successful pick up artist and these are the things you practice throughout the learning process. However, there are four short, simple pieces of pick up advice which you can quickly learn and use throughout that process which will massively help you speed through it and have a lot of success with women. Here they are:

#1: REMEMBER THE CORE PRINCIPLES

You’ll hear about lots of fancy conversational techniques you can use to supposedly attract the women you talk to, some of which will help you and some of which will distract you. Whatever the case, you should always make sure that you stick to the core principles of attraction and seduction. All fancy routines and lines aside, working with the core principles will always see you through. So remember:

- Women are most attracted to the kind of man who combines two main qualities: he is a confident, self-assured, experienced, recognized leader (alpha male), and he is a caring, protective, reliable, emotionally intelligent partner. Women want the perfect mix of these two qualities. First, you need to show them that you have the first quality, then you show them more of the second quality. If you show too much of the first quality and not enough of the second, then you may have some success with some women, but it will be limited. Too much of the second and not enough of the first and you will frequently fall into a woman’s friend zone.

- Never show that you are outcome dependant when talking to women. They must see you as having lots of social value regardless of whether you are talking to them or not.

- You must be tactile early on. Becoming physically intimate with a woman is much harder when you’ve not put in the groundwork earlier on in your relationship.

- Social proof is powerful. Show women that you have a good circle of friends, tell stories that contain signs that you have social value and behave in a way that shows that you are socially intelligent and experienced—and do it all in such a way that you do not seem to be overcompensating or showing off.

#2: PRACTICE EVERYWHERE

Don’t be one of those on/off pick up artists. You aren’t playing a part when you talk to women with the goal of attracting them. You should be playing the role of yourself, the way you really are—or can be, given the right motivation. So, always be ON. When you are paying for something, be attractive to the checkout girl. Charm her like you’d charm a girl in a nightclub on a Saturday night. Also, don’t just ‘game’ girls. Be friendly to men as well. Be as interested in what they tell you as you are in what their hot female friends are saying. That shows you are socially intelligent and therefore of high social value. You know how to treat people—women find this attractive.

Remember: the more time you spend in the ‘I am attractive mindset’, doing and saying the things you know you need to to appear casually attractive, the more naturally you’ll inhabit that frame of mind. It will stop being an effort to appear that way. So practice EVERYWHERE.

#3: SET SPECIFIC GOALS

Too many men make sleeping with a woman or getting her phone number their only goal when they go out to a nightclub or a party. These goals, however, are usually too big to be easily attainable. You need to start smaller. Sleeping with a woman might be your end goal, but starting a conversation with her should be your first goal. Set small, achievable goals and achieve them before thinking about what your next goal will be. So, instead of approaching a group of women with the goal of getting a kiss from one of them, go in with the goal of making them all genuinely laugh. Once they’ve laughed and are on your side, set your next goal as isolating one of them from the group. Continue to break down what you need to do to work towards your end goal.

This approach is so much better than the ‘achieve everything’ approach most men take, because if you don’t manage to achieve your small goal (like making the girls laugh) it’s no biggie. You just make a new goal (like having a short, fun conversation with them), then you do what you need to do to achieve it.

#4: GET OUT AND STAY OUT

This is probably the most obvious piece of advice of the four, but it’s also the best and most useful. If you want to be successful with the opposite sex, you need to get out into the real world, into places containing lots of women and you need to get practicing. It’s the only way to have any success, because the women aren’t going to come to you. This goal makes or breaks men who want to become pick up artists. Some have the balls to get out there and stay out there until they have some success and some don’t. If you’re one of the guys with balls, then you’re set. Pick a nightclub and make it your home away from home. Live there at least one night a week and go to work being sociable.

A big part of the reason men and women don’t usually like getting into random conversations with one another is because of how easily tensions can be created when those conversations take place. A tension is a feeling of awkwardness or negativity. In other words, a tension is any feeling that makes social interaction less desirable and more difficult. And conversations between men and women who don’t know each other whatsoever are full of these tensions.

When you approach and talk to a woman in a nightclub, tensions are lying in wait. They are ready to jump into your interaction at the first sign of a pause in the talk, a joke that falls flat, or a poorly delivered comment. They can be created as a result of you or the woman, either way the result is the same: you both get that nervous feeling at the bottom of your throat, your minds forget about what you’ve been talking about or doing, and instead focus on how awkward the dynamic between the two of you has become. From this point onwards, it’s make or break. How well you recover from this hump in the conversation pretty much dictates two things: what the woman’s opinion of you is (good or bad), and what happens to your conversation (whether it fizzles out or relights).

One of the most common ways a tension is created in a conversation between a man and woman, in which the man is hoping to pull the woman, is actually after quite a positive moment occurs. He might tell a joke and the woman will laugh, then BANG…a silence. The tension has been created and something needs to be done quickly. Or the man might ask the woman a question and she’ll give a response that’ll last about 25 seconds. The man will say, “Oh, I see” then BAM, another tension. These tensions happen because it’s hard to follow up on a positive moment when both you and the woman are a little unsure of yourselves—after all, you don’t really know one another. Usually, these little moments wouldn’t bother you or her, because you’d both feel comfortable around whoever you were talking to (your friends probably). So what do you do to avoid these tensions and the social awkwardness they create? First, you need to act QUICKLY. You have to take action before the tension gets a chance to take hold. If either of you feels that zing of awkwardness and thinks “Oooh, this is hard work” then the battle is already half lost. So, you quickly do one of the following:

- SMILE. You can use the silence to your advantage. Instead of it being an empty moment, you can fill it with a smile. That sounds pretty corny, but think about it. You’ve just finished saying something or laughing or whatever and a silence occurs. Without a moment’s hesitation, you look into the girl’s eyes and slowly begin to smile. It’s like you’ve noticed something about her and liked it. She’ll smile back and the tension will be diverted. You then start the next thing you say while still smiling. You’ll see that her smile stays as well and there will be a certain happy look in her eyes. The exchange of smiles is a silent method of flirting with one another.

- GET EXCITED. To bypass a tension, which is a moment that contains no emotion, you should get excited about something. It doesn’t matter what it is, just make sure the way you talk about it is high energy. For example, a silence begins. Within 2 seconds, you snap your fingers and say “Oh!” You smile. You’ve remembered something you want to tell her about. It doesn’t matter if you only barely know her. You’ve just remembered a personality test you want to do on her. You’ve just remembered a TV show you want to tell her about (briefly). You’ve just remembered where you’ve seen her before. You’ve just thought that you want to compare the size of her hands with yours. It doesn’t matter what it is. Don’t say “I’ve just remembered,” just say “Oh!” then smile, then do or say whatever it is you’ve chosen to do or say. If you’re excited and enthusiastic, she’ll be carried along and will feel the same way. Enthusiasm is contagious…so spread it to her.

- DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT. This is one of the best ways to avoid a tension from occurring. As soon as you feel the tension coming on, you totally flip the interaction on its head. You do something completely different. For example, you’ve been talking to the girl for 5 minutes and the conversation is starting to get a little hard. You’re having to do more and more work to keep it going. You need to spark it again. You hold out your hand, she takes it, you guide her over to your friends and introduce her. Or, you say “Let’s choose some music” and lead her over to the jukebox. Or, you move where you’re situated and thereby change the environment around you. Whatever it is you do, you make it different to what you’ve just been doing. This always re-sparks the conversation and kills tensions before they get a chance to take hold.

What I’m going to look at in this article is the difference between the opinions, or conclusions, some psychologists have about what creates sexual attraction and what the opinions are of guys who have attracted women in real life, in real bars, really quite often.

Let’s see how the conclusions differ.

This article was originally published by BBC News.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/scotland/4909322.stm

“One hundred people aged from 22 to 45 went on five three-minute dates and were asked how they chose who to see again.

Psychologist Professor Richard Wiseman said the experiment showed that many women made decisions about prospective partners after just 30 seconds.

Most successful chat-up lines included ‘What’s your favourite pizza topping?’

The experts said looks were obviously a major factor and further research would be conducted into that area in weeks to come.

Almost 50% of women made decisions about potential mates after half a minute during the experiment, carried out at the city’s International Science Festival.

Professor Wiseman, of Hertfordshire University, said: “One in five men had made their minds up about a person within the first 30 seconds of meeting them, compared to about half of the women.

“The key thing, particularly as women are making up their minds so quickly, is that the opening line really matters.”

The academic said men and women adopted a “pretty similar approach” to chat-up lines.

However, some differences between the sexes were highlighted by the study.

“It tended to be the guys that used closed questions; ones that would elicit either a yes or no answer and that would be the end of the conversation,” he said.

“Our top male and female were using the same sort of chat-up lines, with topics that would make the person feel quite light-hearted.

“The most successful lines were ones which were impossible to answer with a simple yes or no, such as ‘What’s your favourite pizza topping?’ and ‘Who would you be if you were going on Stars In Their Eyes?’.

Professor Wiseman said at the other end of the spectrum, the worst chat-up lines included ‘I have a PhD in computing’ and ‘My best friend’s a helicopter pilot’.

“It’s very difficult to respond to these in an interesting or creative way,” he said.

The psychologist also found that those looking for a potential partner should steer clear of topics which could cause disagreement, such as favourite films.

He said: “We asked participants to talk about certain topics and when they spoke about films it was a disaster, I could just hear people arguing.

“No-one wanted to meet each other afterwards, mainly because men and women often disagree about the best types of films.

“But when you shifted the conversation to travel, everyone became a lot more energised and that ended in far more dates.”

So, what do you think? Do you think the psychologist’s findings and conclusions were accurate? Read on for our expert analysis – one that’s not based on controlled tests, in which the participants know they’re being analysed and judged, but instead based on real-life interactions that either ended positively or negatively.

Simple, reliable, real-world data.

Here is the article again, this time with our own thoughts on the experiment included.

“One hundred people aged from 22 to 45 went on five three-minute dates and were asked how they chose who to see again.

*** This kind of set-up is always going to produce warped, unrealistic results. Do you think people are going to give their real reasons for picking or not picking any particular person? Even if they do, they still won’t be able to truly identify WHY they chose the people they did. ***

Psychologist Professor Richard Wiseman said the experiment showed that many women made decisions about prospective partners after just 30 seconds.

*** And the same would apply to the men, although it’s unlikely the men would admit to that fact if asked. ***

Most successful chat-up lines included ‘What’s your favourite pizza topping?’

*** This makes sense. It’s an okay question which conforms to the rules of progressive questioning (open-ended questions which leave room for fun and detailed answers). This is something all socially proficient, attractive men instinctively know about***

The experts said looks were obviously a major factor and further research would be conducted into that area in weeks to come.

Almost 50% of women made decisions about potential mates after half a minute during the experiment, carried out at the city’s International Science Festival.

Professor Wiseman, of Hertfordshire University, said: “One in five men had made their minds up about a person within the first 30 seconds of meeting them, compared to about half of the women.

“The key thing, particularly as women are making up their minds so quickly, is that the opening line really matters.”

*** Every line matters, but it’s true that opening lines are important. Not only because an opening line can make or break a first impression, but also because – in this case – the participants knew that they had to judge their dates quickly, which is not something people consciously think in real-life. ***

The academic said men and women adopted a “pretty similar approach” to chat-up lines.

*** To have any ‘chat-up line’ would be a mistake. But we’ll assume they mean talking-style when they say ‘chat-up line’. ***

However, some differences between the sexes were highlighted by the study.

“It tended to be the guys that used closed questions; ones that would elicit either a yes or no answer and that would be the end of the conversation,” he said.

*** Perhaps it tended to be the guys with no skill that used closed questioning, which is a shame. Women can sometimes be better at asking questions because they understand the emotional reactions they want to create in the person they’re speaking to. That is not a generalization—it’s merely an observation. Some men ask good questions, some don’t. ***

“Our top male and female were using the same sort of chat-up lines, with topics that would make the person feel quite light-hearted.

“The most successful lines were ones which were impossible to answer with a simple yes or no, such as ‘What’s your favourite pizza topping?’ and ‘Who would you be if you were going on Stars In Their Eyes?’.

*** This conclusion holds up. Progressive, open-ended questions are always better than closed questions. And questions which elicit fun, positive-emotion-filled responses are even better. ***

Professor Wiseman said at the other end of the spectrum, the worst chat-up lines included ‘I have a PhD in computing’ and ‘My best friend’s a helicopter pilot’.

*** You don’t say!!! These lines would clearly be interpreted by the person hearing them as over-compensations on the part of the speaker. They’re arrogant statements. The speaker(s) obviously didn’t know how to subtly communicate that they have value without sounding arrogant or like they were overcompensating. ***

“It’s very difficult to respond to these in an interesting or creative way,” he said.

The psychologist also found that those looking for a potential partner should steer clear of topics which could cause disagreement, such as favourite films.

*** Wrong. They should steer clear of DISAGREEING, not of topics which could potentially cause disagreement. You can talk about almost anything, films included, and have a fun time with a girl. Disagreeing in a confrontational way is obviously a bad idea – but the guys in this experiment clearly didn’t know that. ***

He said: “We asked participants to talk about certain topics and when they spoke about films it was a disaster, I could just hear people arguing.

“No-one wanted to meet each other afterwards, mainly because men and women often disagree about the best types of films.

“But when you shifted the conversation to travel, everyone became a lot more energised and that ended in far more dates.”

*** When people talk about travel they think of positive emotions, past and prospective. That’s why travel proved to be a good topic of conversation. ***

As you can see, the psychologist’s findings were, in places, not that far from the truth. But they still completely missed the point of so much of what they think they discovered. They only scratched the surface of a planet sized boulder. This article isn’t about belittling the work of a psychologist, it’s more to do with drawing attention to how little some psychologists seem to know about the science of attraction. Their findings were hardly impressive—they were obvious, if you ask me.

The truth is, there is already a well-researched collection of ideas and principles which have been shown to hold up in real life situations: if a guy does this, this and this, then sexual attraction is very likely to occur. Simple as that.

Hopefully you found all of this at least a little bit interesting. If you’d like to get closer to the core of that planet sized boulder, though, check out the best place to learn about how to attract women.

http://www.blackbeltseduction.com/home.php

One of the greatest difficulties men have when trying to attract girls is that they don’t understand the fundamentals of rapport—especially rapport between men and women. First let’s define what rapport means in a seduction-setting, then let’s look at the wrong and right ways to develop rapport between yourself and a woman you want to attract.

The kind of rapport we’re talking about can be defined in the following way:

‘A feeling of closeness, familiarity, trust and comfort between you and the woman. The overall bond that has been created between you and her in the short time you have known one another.’

It’s true that you have rapport with your family members and male friends, but that is not the kind of rapport we’re talking about here. We’re talking about the spark of attraction between you and a woman that develops into a warm glow, a.k.a. good rapport.

The biggest mistake men make when they start a conversation with a girl they’d like to attract is that they rush into rapport-building before they’ve even begun to tackle attraction-building, or even small demonstrations of social value. If you develop rapport with a woman before developing attraction, it’s quite likely you’ll fall into her ‘just friends’ category. She WILL feel comfortable around you, but not because she’s attracted to you. She’ll feel comfortable because she now knows that you aren’t a weirdo or freak—you can have a ‘nice’ conversation without any problems. So that is your first lesson: BUILD ATTRACTION BEFORE RAPPORT.

To build attraction, you must show that you are a high status (attractive) male without giving the woman the impression that you acting like you’re high status just for her benefit and just to get her to like you. The kind of conversation you want to avoid during the first 5 minutes of conversation with a woman (to avoid building the wrong kind of rapport too quickly) can be described as follows:

Deep questions which involve a lot of thinking and commitment are off-limits. For example, you don’t want to talk about each other’s philosophies on life, religious beliefs or general outlooks on the world during the first 5 minutes, because those are the topics you want to cover once attraction is in the bag. Remember: attraction creates the spark and rapport fuels the fire. First and foremost the woman wants to feel attracted to you on a basic, animalistic level: sexual attraction. Then comes emotional attraction, which is created through rapport, which is created through more intimate, personal, deep conversation. Apart from avoiding certain ‘deep’ or overly personal topics of conversation, you also need to make sure you aren’t caught rapport-seeking too early. Rapport-seeking is when a guy does whatever he can to create rapport between him and the girl. He’ll constantly nod while she’s talking, he’ll laugh heartily at even her worst jokes, he’ll agree with every opinion she gives…he’ll be a yes-man to get on her good side. You MUST remember that until attraction has been sparked, rapport takes a backseat. It’s lying in wait. You shouldn’t seek it by trying to get the woman to think you’re ‘her kind of guy’ or on her level. Doing this, especially very early on in your interaction, is a sure-fire way to let her know you’re NOT independently high value. You’re not even dependently high value—you’re just acting needy. She can’t put a foot wrong in your eyes. You get the idea.

You need to adopt and demonstrate the following philosophy when it comes to developing rapport between you and a girl:

- Rapport comes only as a result of you and the girl GRADUALLY bonding with one another in the most naturalistic, organic way possible. It should not be consciously contrived.

- It’s okay to build rapport with someone before attracting them, or without ever attracting them, if you have no aspirations to date them. But if you DO want to date them, it’s not only important that you build attraction before developing rapport, it’s VITAL. Spark the fire, then fuel it with rapport.

- Looking for men with whom they can develop trust, comfort and an emotional bond (which can be summed up as rapport) is not what women primarily do on a day to day basis. It takes too long. They instead rely on their attractiveness-meter to determine whether a man is suitable for them or not. THEN, once the attraction is there, they stick around to see if any rapport can be created.

- DON’T look like you’re rapport-seeking early on in the interaction. You must maintain your independent social value, so that the woman will find you sexually attractive. She needs to know that you aren’t looking to develop a bond with a woman until that woman has proved herself to you.