Black Belt Seduction Blog: How to pick-up, attract and seduce women

Mystery is fascinating. Look how fast people get bored of news stories about murders and unexplained fires when the real details are discovered and released: Mr Nutty killed the landlady because he couldn’t pay his rent, and the fire was started by an unattended candle, not by rogue dwarves. When stuff becomes normal, people don’t see that stuff as any different to anything else that’s normal. It just merges into everything else. So! You can see how creating mystery when talking to a woman for the first time could be a very beneficial thing if your goal is to keep her interested in you and attract her. Before we get into how to create a good sense of mystery, it’s important to say that women need to trust men before they can consider the idea of dating them as a realistic one. If you create too strong a sense of mystery, then they might see you as a danger. And if you withhold too many details from them when they ask for them, like what you work as, then they’ll think you’ve got something to hide. It’s all about striking a balance between being open and honest and cool and mysterious. Here are some good ways to do that.

• Your phone is a tool you use to stay in touch with your social circle. Having a wide and high quality social circle is an attractive thing for a woman to notice, so give her a chance it notice it. Every now and then, check your phone quickly. Don’t do the phone checking thing that some guys do because they’re nervous and they want something to do with their hands. When she’s briefly addressing someone else, but while you’re still in the conversation, whip out your phone, check it, then put it back. Don’t do it rudely when she’s speaking. Later, you can take it out and make a call or write a text. You want to appear, if it isn’t true, that you are always staying in touch with people. This is, after all, a good thing.

• Carry a pen and a piece of paper. Take it out and jot something down, then put it back in your pocket. If the woman asks what you just did, say “I’m writing something at the moment and whenever I notice something in real life that I know will work, I write it down.” That’s a mysterious statement and it’s up to you whether or not you expand on it any further. You don’t have to lie, either. Truly write stuff down that interests you—like stuff you notice about people’s body language…information you can later use to improve your own persona and appearance.

• When the woman asks you a very personal question, it’s okay to sometimes give a jokey mysterious comment. “So, what did you do at the weekend?” she asks. “Me and a few friends completed this little mission we’d been planning. It went really well, but I can’t say too much, or Rachel over there will probably kill me…or both of us.” Stuff like that. But try to bring the woman in on the mystery. Don’t lock her out…let her in…but only a little bit at a time.

• One of the first things you should make sure you DON’T do is introduce yourself to the woman by telling her your name, your job or anything along those lines. Would you care if a guy came up to you and told you his name? No. Women don’t either. It’s non-information to them, it’s not emotional. You need to create emotion at the start of your conversation, so talk about interesting, fun stuff, not boring, plain stuff.

Always try to create a keep a bit of mystery about you when you first talk to a woman, then, later on, you can reveal more about yourself. That’s an attractive way to do things.

Because you are in competition with all other men when trying to attract attractive women, it’s very important that you stand out as DIFFERENT and BETTER than those guys in the eyes of those girls. Otherwise, how do you stand any chance of being successful with women?

This little tool is a really good thing you can use once you’ve been talking to a woman for a little while (say, between 10 minutes and 30 minutes in). It achieves the following:

• It is interesting.

• It taps into everyone’s natural tendency to enjoy exploring their own psyche and having it explored by other people .

• It creates expectation and anticipation .

• It gets other people listening to you and your target, which builds your social value (thereby increasing your sexual attractiveness) and makes your target really appreciate talking to you.

• It sets you apart not only from the other people in the group (by making you seem more interesting and knowledgeable) but also from other men your target has verbally interacted with in the past.

So, what is the Room Test? It is similar to another psychological test called the Cube, except it is much more suited to use in an attraction and seduction setting. That’s because it’s shorter (and therefore requires less of an attention span from your target and other people who are listening) and it’s simpler for the target to complete (which makes it harder-hitting). Here’s how to do it.

1. “Okay, let’s do a little test. Do you find psychology interesting? Like…the real reasons do the things they do and what makes people tick?” [Yeah…definintely! Etc]

2. “Alright. You can close your eyes or keep them open while we do this (she’ll probably keep them open, unless you’ve already done the eyes-closed trust building exercise, which you can read about elsewhere on this blog). Now, imagine you’re in a large room. It’s all white and empty, except for one thing. In one corner there is a small black box. The far wall has a door in it—a big oak door with no letterbox. And on the right hand wall, there is a blacked-out window, which can be opened. There is no other way to see through the window. Imagine al of the clearly and vividly in your mind.” [Okay, I’ve got it.]

3. “Okay. This test is simple and because it’s simple it’s very accurate. I want you to think about this for a minute before answering. You have a choice. You can either open the box, open and walk through the door or open and climb through the window. The door and the window lead to completely different scenarios. Think about it. Which stands out to you as the right one. Which draws you in the most? Follow your heart—don’t worry about the logic.” Most women say the box, but it doesn’t really matter which she chooses. This ‘test’ is about taking what they say and ‘analyzing’ it in such a way to give the impression that is has revealed something accurate and true about the girl.

4. “Okay, what have you chosen? [I’ve chosen the box]. Ahh, okay! That’s interesting. Most people go for the door, because it’s the most normal and probably the easiest, because we’re all used to walking through doors, but we only rarely open small boxes whose contents we know nothing about. In your mind, go over and open that box. Kneel down and slowly lift the lift the lid. Inside you can see a glowing orb. It is a sphere that glows almost like a light bulb, except it is completely round and smooth. What color is it? [It’s red!]. Cool, okay. That’s all the information I need. Right…you chose the box. That is supposed to mean that you like mystery over normality. Most people don’t like taking risks and nor do you sometimes, but in this case, you chose the box and the box represents the unknown. That shows you are good at facing the unknown in the right circumstances. Because you didn’t choose the leave the room by going through the door or the window, you are obviously happy being the person you are, because that room represents your psyche. Now, the orb. You chose to make it red, which is a very fiery color. You’ve obviously got a passionate side, right? And that backs up the mystery side of you.” You job is to say what she wants to hear but not in an obvious way. Don’t just say, “That means you like your friends” or something. Mix in colorful language. If she chooses the door, tell her about he ambitious side; she wants to push herself and not settle for the norm, be it in her career or just in her thinking. If she chooses the window, tell her that people who go through the door are people who choose simple paths in life, like in their careers. She chose the window, which shows she doesn’t mind a challenge, etc, etc.

Use this room test and develop it to match your style. Add in new details, like what happens outside of the room. Or, perhaps there is a key in the box, which she can use on either the window or the door, etc. Make it a story in which the woman wants to get caught up and engrossed in and try to make her feel like it’s as accurate as possible. It’s a great way to build a strong bond between you and a woman.

I’d like you to imagine you’re a woman. Don’t worry, it’s only temporary. Like all women, you have a socially enforced responsibility to dress up when you go out in a such a way as to make yourself look as sexually attractive as possible, without moving into the  ‘slutty’ or tasteless category. So you’ve done this and you’re now out with your friends, who also look great. But you…you look stunning. You’re slim, your breasts are displayed in just the right way, you ass looks small but pert and round…you’re hot. Your clothes are so well chosen, too. You look fashionable—you’re a 10. Alright, now you’re sitting with your friends and a guy comes up to your group and asks you whether or not it’s cool for guys to carry umbrellas, or maybe he asks if you think it’s okay for a guy to keep pictures of his ex-girlfriend while going out with a new girl. You don’t know this guy. You don’t know why he’s asking you this question (or maybe you do!). But he is funny, he has a certain natural charisma about him and you think he seems like a nice, attractive guy. But do you trust him? No…no you DO NOT. Not because he’s done anything to betray your trust or make you suspicious of him; just because, like all other people you’ve know met before, you don’t know him, so how could you possibly say you trust him? You wouldn’t leave your bag with him, you wouldn’t tell him your deepest, darkest secrets…he’s just a cool guy. So, do you want to kiss him, or how about dating him? He’s attractive, sure. But you can’t date this guy yet—he’s still a mystery to you, albeit an attractive one.

Okay, now you’re a guy again. As you can see, one ingredient is still necessary if you want to date a girl even once strong sexual attraction is in place: trust. The girl needs to feel she knows you well enough to trust you enough to kiss you or commit herself to doing what is needed to get the ball rolling in the direction of you and her dating.

So, how do you develop trust? Here is the initial broad outline.

• You must be genuine. If you are false, then people (including the women you’re trying to attract) will sense it. If you tell them things you’ve done which in reality you haven’t, if you make your voice sound deep than it actually is, if you pretend to be some cool cat that you in fact aren’t…then you’re setting yourself up for failure. No woman can feel she trusts a man who she sees as false. And even if you do manage to convince a woman that fake aspects of yourself and your life are actually true, she’ll soon know the truth when you start dating.

• You must show her that you aren’t just interested in her. You must focus on meeting all of her friends in depth. Don’t just speed through conversation with them so you can get back to flirting with your chosen woman. You have to be universally, neutrally sociable.

• You must move through three different stages with her. First, you need to talk to her on a very basic, easy way which puts no pressure on her. This is your opener. You ask her and the group about something, or you telling them something they can reply to and you don’t focus on pulling something out of your target. You don’t ask her about her job, you don’t ask her where she got her shoes…you just talk about neutral stuff, especially the subject of your opener (which will hopefully be a strong one). Once that stage has lasted a little while and you feel that your target has warmed to you enough, you can ask her how she knows the people she’s with, how long she’s know them, etc. That is stage two: talking about you and her. Stage three involves talking more privately to your target about slightly deeper topics, like hopes and dreams, fears, favorite movies, music, past relationships, etc.

• Finally, you really cement the trust you’ve so far built by following the above advice by using the eyes-closed method. Here’s how. When you’re having fun talking to you target, you suggest a quick game. You are going to test how perceptive she is. Tell her to close her eyes. She might be quite hesitant. She might smile, like she’s worried you’re going to do something nutty to her or something. This is good. If she closes her eyes straight away without ANY hesitancy, then your trust level is already very strong—which is obviously great. So, if you is hesitant, assure her she’ll be fine. Once her eyes are closed, say that you’re going to move your finger from one side of her head to the other. You’ll either start on her right side and move it round to the left, or the other away around. Put your hand fairly close to her head when you start, but not so close that she can feel its warmth or smell it (!). Now move it around quite slowly. Ask her to guess. If she gets it right (50/50) be impressed. If she gets it wrong, say it might be hokey test. Tell her to do it to you. You can either cheat (it’s possibly to open one of your eyes a minute amount without her seeing—just enough to see which way the shadow of her arm moves. If she catches you, then it’s a funny moment) or you can just try to ‘perceive’ it.

The whole point of this exercise is to show the woman that she can trust you. You say you’re going to do something and you DO IT. You don’t trick her. When her eyes are closed, she’s nervous about what’s about to happen. But you don’t trick her, you show her she can trust you. Then you do it in reverse. She won’t trick you either. After this exercise, your trust level will be through the roof, trust me. And with attraction and rapport in place, it’s only a matter of time before you’re dating.

A boke name is a nickname you give a girl or a term you use to describe her while you’re attempting to attract and ‘seduce’ her. The reason boke names should be used are as follows:

• They bond you and the girl by creating rapport

• They gently tease the girl, but only in a positive way

• They let other people know that you and the girl are developing something between the two of you

So, what are boke names and how should you use them? Boke is a combination of the words bond and joke, because the name or term you use is a joke that bonds you and the girl, as well as teasing her in just the right way. Here’s how one might be used.

A guy has been interacting with a girl for about 45 minutes. He’s never met her before tonight. They’ve already started flirting with each other—it’s obvious she likes him, although perhaps not yet enough to kiss him or give him her number. So, he uses a boke term. They’re sitting with each other and he turns to her and says, “Okay, wife. What kind of pet are we going to get?” The role play begins. She takes on the role of his wife and they pretend to be a married couple. They choose a kind of pet (a badass gorilla) as the first thing they do. It goes on like this.

Another kind of boke is calling the girl a slightly goofy but affectionate name, like Froggy or Pixie. Choose a feature about her (but don’t be too mean) and declare that from now you are going to call her….whatever. The girl will laugh, perhaps pretend to be insulted (while secretly really loving it) and she may even give you your own. Make sure that the first time you use a boke name with the girl is when it’s just you and her—no on else should hear it. This is very important, because if you use the boke name in front of her friends it could embarrass her enough for her to reject it in some way, even if deep down she’d like to play along.

Boke names allow you to develop a little unique theme or in-joke between you and a girl, which can prove invaluable as you move through the process of getting to know each other. That’s because sometimes, when you’ve only just a met a girl, it can feel strange using her name a lot—after all, you don’t really know her. Using a boke name allows you to get around this. When you use them, remember the following:

• Don’t use the boke name as if you’re looking for her to respond in a particular way. Don’t say the name, then stare at her as if in anticipation of her using one for you or something.

• Use the name in almost a throwaway manner—very casual. “That’s it…from now on I’m going to call you my little Tigger…that sums up your excitable nature,” then just carry on talking. She’ll laugh and you’ll all forget about it, THEN, later on, you can poke her gently with your elbow and say, “Come on, tigger. Let’s bounce over here…” That kind of usage of a boke name can make the difference from being able to go somewhere private with your target girl, and having to stay in a large group of her friends. And that’s a big difference.

Two different kinds of men spoil their chances of dating women by displaying ‘picking up women’ behavior. The first kind is the guy who knows nothing about the true subject of attraction and seduction (he doesn’t know about opening and closing, etc.) and the second kind is the educated, but overenthusiastic, attraction and seduction student. In other words, it doesn’t really matter how much you know about scientifically attracting and seducing women, you can still mess up your chances of dating them by giving off the wrong ‘vibes’ when you talk to them.

Here are some of the things you need to avoid, because if you do them, you’ll be displaying pick up behavior that is too strong—it will turn women off you, not on by you.

• Rushing in with the flirty banter

Most women don’t respond well to flirty banter when it is thrown at them within the first 10 seconds of talking to a guy. It screams “I want to attract you as soon as possible!”

• Rushing in with teasing comments

Teasing is different to flirting. For example, “You’re just a little minx, aren’t you?” is an example of flirting, but there’s no teasing in there. But “Those shoes are interesting…retro style!” is definitely teasing and she’ll know it. If you tease her too much too soon, she’ll feel too overwhelmed to get involved by teasing you back.

• There’s really no good reason for you talking to her

If you go up to an attractive woman and say “Hey! How’s it going?” she’s going to know you’re only talking to her because she’s hot. Why didn’t you ask that little fat woman behind you? You therefore need to have at least a half decent reason to talk to HER. In other words, make your opener as interesting, unique and funny as possible and deliver it directly, confidently and GUIDE the group into answering you or replying. They’ll still know there’s a reason you chose them over any other group, but at least what you’re saying and the way you’re saying it appeals to them.

• Giving the girls suggestive facial expressions

Socially crude guys do this a lot. They enter a group and then go about looking at the girl(s) in very suggestive way. They’re telling them with their facial expressions that they’re very attracted to them. They do the undressing-them-with-their-eyes thing, they maintain eye contact for way longer than normal, they keep staring at the girl’s mouth, etc. If you do this from the moment you enter a group, expect to get labelled as a guy who wants only one thing: to get with one of the girls. And unless they already think you have what they want from a partner, you might as well forget the possibility of closing them. (getting their number or whatever).

Always think of the interaction from a woman’s point of view. If you were her, what would you think of YOU? Would you know it was a pick-up attempt? If the answer is yes, then you need to adapt your approach. Become more genuine, choose better openers, control your flirting, etc.

The guys in this world who regularly fail to make something happen with the women they meet are invariably unsuccessful because they don’t properly cover 7 different aspects of attraction and seduction process. Today we’ll look at this 7 areas so that you never make the same mistake.

1.    Body Language

To attract women, you body language must be solid. It must show that you are:

•    Comfortable in your surroundings
•    Relaxed in the company of the people you’re with
•    Socially experienced
•    Aware of your body and how it looks

If your body language doesn’t do those things, then you’re going to risk putting women off you before you get a real chance to verbally interact with them. They won’t dislike you, they’ll just see you as shy or awkward and therefore probably harder to talk to.

So, make sure your movements are controlled and not rushed. Reach for your drink in a casual, smooth, fluid motion—don’t grab it, sip from it, then slam it back on the table. Try not to lean in too much when talking to the woman—it could make you look a little too keen. Express your emotions with your face, don’t do the thing lots of guys make the mistake of doing by trying to play it cool and not expressing anything.

2. Voice Volume, Speed and Emotion

Our voices say a lot about is. If your voice is quiet and your words are mumbled, you can imagine the impression you’re going to give a woman when you talk to her: a bad one. Make sure you project your voice so it’s clear and confident, but at the same time, don’t shout (unless you need to because you’re in a loud nightclub). Also, pronounce words fully. Don’t swear unless you know for a fact that the woman won’t mind it. Don’t speak too quickly, because loudly, quickly spoken words aren’t much better than quietly, quickly spoken words. Make sure there is emotion in your voice as well as on your face. One should mirror the other.

3. Appearance

The more you can improve your appearance so that it matches up with what most women consider to be attractive, the better. Make sure you shoes are the same style as the rest of your outfit. It’s hard to give you specific advice on what to wear, because styles change and the particular style you’d most like to personify is anybody’s guess—but take some of your cues from what you see in popular men’s fashion stores and in good men’s magazines. Don’t ape their style—try to develop your own…but do it with a reference in mind.

4. Be Interesting

Unless you are interesting, the it’s impossible for a woman to be interested in you. You need to identify what kind of person you are and become totally aware of what you believe in, what you love, what you hate, the people you admire, and all the other things that create and interact with your personal integrity. You don’t want to find yourself in a conversation with a woman floundering on a particular topic because you don’t know what the best thing to say is—know yourself…because it’s the most important thing needed to allow women to know you too.

5. Get Good At Flirting

You need to be able to flirt effortlessly and without fear and to achieve that state, you must practice. You’ll falter sometimes, a flirty comment will go over the woman’s head or make her feel confused, but all training is good training. Remember the essence of good flirting: it’s about teasing the woman and giving her a bit of a challenge, all without it looking like you’re only doing it to make her like you.

6. Become Good At Bonding

Being able to bond with a girl is very important if you want to date her. It’s one thing sexually attracting her using flirting and teasing, but if you can’t bond with her, you can forget about her becoming your girlfriend. Bonding means developing a strong feeling of rapport between you and the girl which goes beyond the basic level of rapport all people have after talking to one another for 10 or more minutes. You and the girl need to feel like you can trust each other, that you know quite a lot about each other, and that you want to get to know each other MORE.

7. Close Fearlessly

Even when they’ve got strong attraction and a good bond with a girl, lots of guys will avoid closing the interaction by swapping numbers with her or kissing her because they’re scared the girl will reject them. You need to close without fear. As long as the signs are there that she’s attracted to you, and you’ve spent at least an hour bonding after attraction has been created, you can close. Be casual about it and do not hesitate. Just come right out and say it, like it’s obvious and simple: “We should swap numbers…” then you take out your phone. Boom. It’s as simple as that—try it.