Black Belt Seduction Blog: How to pick-up, attract and seduce women

There’s nothing more annoying than someone who gives you instructions that they won’t follow themselves. For example, the captain of the football team suggests that more games could be won if the players started a new fitness regime. All they need to do is run 5 miles a day, simple. Oh, what? Will the captain be doing the running as well? Of course not. Now think of the players’ responses. They wouldn’t start that regime willingly or enthusiastically. Not a chance.

Believe it or not, men make this same mistake when they talk to women whom they’d like to attract. They expect the women to do and say things that they themselves won’t. Here are some examples.

First of all is story-telling and answer-giving. This might be the most common example of the mistake we’re talking about. The guy wants to talk to the woman and learn about her, so he asks her questions…lots of questions. Where do you work? What are your hobbies? What are your goals and ambitions? How do you know X? How often do you come here? Blah, blah, blah. The woman, of course, responds to these questions, because it would be rude not to. But after a short while, in her mind a double standard has been highlighted. The man is asking her for a lot of information but isn’t offering her much in return. She’s not asking for his life story or anything—she just wants things to be equal. Even the most big-headed person will only stay interested in talking to a person for a short time if that person doesn’t start balancing out the conversation with his/her own information. So, when you are talking to women you absolutely must remember to keep the conversation balanced. If you don’t do what you are asking for, then the woman will become reluctant to do it too. The best example of this is the first major story told by the man and the woman. The first in-depth experience or story you describe to a woman when you speak to her is a big event in your conversation. And the first in-depth story she tells you is even bigger. After you’ve swapped stories, you move into a new area in your conversation. It’s no longer about ideal chit-chat—you’re now really sharing personal information. You’re not skimming over things. So, your mini-goal is to encourage the woman to tell you her first story, even if it only lasts 60 seconds (that’s longer than it sounds to be talking non-stop). To do this, you should LEAD BY EXAMPLE. First tell her your own story or describe an interesting, funny, unique, relevant experience you’ve had. Keep brevity in mind. Be enthusiastic while describing it. Everything you do is an example of what the woman can now also do, so set the tone in the right way. After you have told your little story, the woman—thanks to your example—will feel much more like she can tell her own. And when she does, you’ll be on your way.

Other ways you can lead by example when talking to women with the goal of attracting them are:

- Speaking clearly and loud enough to be heard

- Being generally enthusiastic

- Being genuinely interested in what the woman is saying and replying with comments that show that you have been listening and processing the information she has given you

- Asking her questions that have some real content to them. For example, the woman has told you a little story about how she has been to 5 job interviews in the last 2 weeks in the hope of getting a job in the entertainment sector. One question you could ask might be, “Do you think you’ll get any of those jobs?” But a much more thoughtful and therefore preferable question to ask would be, “So what about that kind of job would you really love?”

- Initiate tactility with the woman by casually touching her as you interact with one another. This will give her the clearance she needs to be able to touch you. Don’t be a weirdo about it though. Touch her in  truly casual, relaxed, non-sexual way to start with. Just a light tap on the knee or a touch on her outer upper arm.

Always lead by example when talking to women—that is, if you want to sexually attract them.

We all have a sense, albeit a vague one, of why we’re here and what we need to do during this life. I’m not talking about religious nonsense or any ‘grand scheme’ or anything. I’m talking about the reality we know we’re in. We’re higher primates, creatures that have evolved over an unthinkably large space of time to have large brains and opposable thumbs, which is a formidable combination. Our advanced cognitive and cooperative skills have allowed us to create massive civilisations, full of technology. And that technology has in turn enabled us to further develop our intelligence and social skills. We’re a species that’s strapped to a rocket of forward progress. It’s 40 years since we pointlessly planted a flag on our moon, for God’s sake. Now we’re looking at the real estate Mars has to offer. But despite all of the gizmos we have, all of the cities we have built and all of knowledge we’ve crammed into our heads, into books and onto the internet, we’re still just naked apes with a couple of fundamental, unchanging goals in mind: stay alive and have sex. It might not feel that way, but the 360,000 new people born into this world each and every day testify to this unavoidable fact: we like to find mates and make babies with them. People have goals in life…all kinds of goals. This guy wants to be a doctor, this girl wants to travel the world, this fellow wants nothing more than to open his own hardware store. Whatever a person’s goals are, it’s a safe bet to assume that the one goal they share with most other people is to partner up with a member of the opposite sex and build a relationship with them.

So! How does all of that introductory text relate to the subject of picking up women? Well, we’ve established two things, two facts. First, we are basically animals with the same biological goals other animals have. Second, we’ve come a long way from the jungle. Despite being clever apes, we’re also clever people. And this is why so many men struggle to attract and meet women. They have the same goals they’ve always had, but now they’re playing the game on a different field with different rules. This is why you can see, on any Friday or Saturday night, a whole host of men overcompensating in an effort to attract a woman. They overcompensate in body language and behaviour. They try to do what they think it takes to impress women but they go too far. For example, in their gut they know that women respect and find attractive men who are physically strong. So, what do they do? They overcompensate by sticking their chests out and walking, no swaggering, like they’re on a war path. They flex their muscles to show off their strength. What else? In their gut they know that women like men who are respected by other men. So, they overcompensate by being overbearing to other men. They intimidate other males as a way of establishing a hierarchy. They are higher than any other man and they want women to notice that fact. One more example. Men know in their gut that women like men who are confident and unafraid of them. So they overcompensate by pinching girls’ asses as they walk past, or walking up to them and saying, “Wanna play house? You be the screen door and I’ll slam you all night long.” Jesus.

The lesson here is that although men and women have pretty much the same goals they’ve always had (to pair up), the process of getting there is different these days. It’s more complicated. More subtle. More nuanced. Too many men think that the best way to succeed with the ladies is to concentrate on the qualities they know women historically want (strength, leadership, alpha-maleness) and exaggerate them until they see the desired results. This is a flawed strategy and one you must avoid. Instead you must aim to demonstrate and display desirable qualities through modern, socially-acceptable behaviour. For example, a man who overcompensates might try to show that he is an alpha male and a social leader by being overbearing to other men. He might subtly (or not so subtly) put another man down in his (and the woman’s) presence. This screams overcompensation and the woman instantly notices it. A man who knows what he’s doing, however, would choose a much more modern, socially-acceptable way to show that he is a leader. He might bring the woman into his large group of friends or tell her a story that clearly demonstrates that he possesses leadership qualities. It’s the carrot or the stick approach. Women want to be drawn into your world, not beaten and dragged into it. You’ll tend to find that women with weak personalities or fragile egos will respond to men who overcompensate more than women with stronger identities. As a man, it’s best to cater for the upper end of the market. So, when it comes to displaying confident body language, demonstrating that you’re a leader, showing that you’re experienced and doing all the other things you know in your gut men need to do to get the attention of women, do not overcompensate. Hit the middle ground.

To get where you want to go, you need to know where you have been.

That’s a simple way of saying that the key to achieving success in a particular field, no matter what that field is, depends on you being completely aware of your past experiences. You need to know what you’ve done and how well you’ve done at it. Armed with that knowledge, you can then focus more clearly than before on exactly what you need to do next and how you need to do it to achieve your goals. For example, a man’s goal is to become an accomplished public speaker. He makes it his goal to be the guy that gives a speech and makes every person in the audience think ‘This guy is really good.” So, he puts his name down as a speaker for a local event that’s taking place that weekend at the town hall. He makes some notes, irons his suit and gets a haircut. Saturday night soon rolls round and it’s his turn to step up and wow the crowd with his confidence and wit. Only, he’s scared stiff. His mouth is dry and his notes are wet with sweat that’s dripped from his armpit, down his arm under his shirt sleeves, onto his palms and then, from the tips of his shaking fingers, onto the page of scribbled notes. Long story short, he gets up there and makes a complete ass of himself. His first joke falls flat and the rest of his speech, or at least the parts the audience could actually make out, was boring. It had no flow and no feeling. Driving home all he could think about was how badly the speech went but how ready he thought he had felt before it. He was obviously wrong.

And in exactly the same way, millions of men are wrong about something else: the pursuit of a woman they can call their girlfriend. They know what they want so they try to get it. Then they fail and they don’t know why. The reason they fail is because they make the same mistake our wannabe-public-speaker made—they don’t consider where they’ve been before deciding how they can get to where they want to be. Let’s distil this principle a little and get right to the heart of what we’re talking about.

There are certain facts about yourself that you need to think about and deal with before you can expect to have a good chance of meeting, attracting and beginning to date a woman. They are:

- Your past successes with the opposite sex.

- Your past failures with the opposite sex.

- The social conditions you’ve lived in as you’ve grown up, from boy to man.

- The ideas you’ve formed about women and what it takes for them to find you attractive.

So, why should you consider these points? First of all, your past successes and failures can make ALL the difference to your future level of success with women, because they tend to mold you as a person. Maybe you once asked a girl to be your girlfriend when you were 11 years old, but she said no and, in front of all of your friends, crippled your self-confidence, at least regarding dealing with the opposite sex. This isn’t about deep psychoanalysis or anything—it’s just about getting an idea of what you’ve experience in the past that could dictate how your mind works when it comes to dealing with women. On the other hand, maybe you kissed 6 girls one summer when you were 13 years old. That kind of thing might have boosted your confidence through the roof.

Think about what experience you have had with girls and women and then try to tie that information to where you currently stand. You’re single. WHY are you single? Is it because you’ve never had a girlfriend? And is that because you weren’t popular at school and therefore didn’t have the chance to talk to girls? Or are you single because you broke up with your girlfriend of 4 years a month ago and are now feeling lost and confused? Only you can get a true handle on where you stand and why you are where you are. It’s only once you find the root cause of your single status that you can go about systematically changing that status from single to ‘taken’. So sit down, make some notes and be brutally honest with yourself. Why are you where you are?

If you don’t happen to have a wingman or wingwoman to help support and improve your pick-up game, you can instead use a third-party to unwittingly boost your appeal in the target female’s mind. The benefits of roping in a third party to unwittingly heighten and demonstrate your dominance, social value and attractiveness are multi-faceted.

Let’s look at a couple of examples of how to use a third party before analyzing the advantages doing so offers you.

• The Helpful Vendor. A good person to use as a third party is someone you know will be around and available whenever you need to cleverly rope them into your psychological game. One profession that suits this requirement perfectly is the vendor. For example, you’ve introduced yourself to a girl who was sitting alone reading a book in a bar by using your preferred method of opening and have been talking for 20 minutes or so. You suggest getting a drink at bar and she agrees. At the bar, you get back to flirtatiously debating something you were talking about earlier and you decide to ask the barman for his opinion. Calling the barman over, you half jokingly grill him on the topic at hand, with a slight smile on your face. The girl watches on, smiling too, interrupting you to get her side of the story across to the barman. It’s a fun, light-hearted exchange.

• The Bystander. Same situation again, you’ve been chatting to a girl for 20 minutes and things are going well, the conversation is fun and relaxed. She’s displayed strong, open body language and eye contact is strong and flirty. Again, you’ve been teasingly arguing with her over something minor, you’re both using it to play with each other and generally spice up the conversation. There’s a couple sitting behind you and you turn around, wait for them to look up to see what you want, and then you ask them what they think: “Could I ask you for your opinion on something, guys? See, I think Pepsi’s the way forward, but my friend here, Betty (not her name and you know it), thinks Coke’s a million times better. Could I ask you what you think? Maybe you can help convince her…or me!”

Okay, let’s look at the benefits using a third party, as in the examples above, offers you:

1. Asking a complete stranger for their opinion, while in the company of the girl you’ve just met, allows you to give a supreme display of effortless confidence and courage. Your social value is immediately boosted in her mind. Also, the fact that you can clearly introduce yourself to anyone and get talking with them demonstrates that you didn’t just make an exception for her, which stops her ego from being unduly inflated while at the same time reinforces your status as a social creature with high personal worth – both traits being necessary components when creating attraction in the minds of women.

2. When you bring a third party into the mix, a psychological comparison is made in the mind of the female. She sees the stranger (third party) and she sees you – her subliminal conclusion is that she has more of a connection with you than the person that’s just been introduced to her and her immediate reality (through you asking them for their opinion) and –thanks to the law of contrast – you therefore appear more likeable and attractive than the third party. You can further increase this effect by choosing carefully who you use as your wingman or wingwoman. For example, you’re much better off using another hot girl as a third party (say, an 8 out of 10) than you are a guy (who’s also about an 8 in the looks department. Also, by using a female as a third party, you’re able to incorporate deflection theory into the mix.

3. Lastly, when you use a third party as an unwitting wingman or wingwoman, you’re given the opportunity to be indirectly flirty with the girl you’ve just met. A quick example of this was used in the second example, when you called her Betty, which certainly wasn’t her real name. When you make a flirty joke like this while talking to a third party, its power and effectiveness is much higher than if you said it one-on-one to the girl.

The telling of stories and anecdotes is the main way we describe to other people things that have happened to us. This is because we use stories to not only tell another person facts, but also to get across specific ideas to them, concepts like who we are as a person, what we’ve done, our philosophies on life, how we treat our friends, what we love and hate, how we cope under stress, etc. Being able to tell interesting stories that engage the girl’s attention and capture her imagination is a great skill to have and use during part two of the game. But being able to tell stories that are not only interesting and engaging, but also laden with subtle indications of your high value is even better. Here are the main things to focus on when telling stories that demonstrate high social value to the woman you’re talking to.

• First, bear in mind the things that suggest, when casually mentioned, that you—or any man—has high social value. Here’s a starting list: lots of past girlfriends, many female friends, lots of male friends, a really interesting social occupation, examples of how you protect and look out for your friends, exciting/adventurous experiences. These are things that, when inserted into the conversation correctly, effectively change the girl’s perception of you for the better: she thinks you have more value (and therefore attractiveness) than before.

• You must remember not to make your value-added stories sound like bragging, showing-off or lying. To do this, don’t dwell on the facts that you know add value to your story. Don’t make a feature of them, just drop them in as part of the picture you’re painting as you talk. For example, let’s say you used to date a model. Instead of telling your prospect a story that centers around the fact that your girlfriend was a model, tell her something that includes that fact just as a bit of extra information. For example, you wouldn’t say: “My ex-girlfriend was a model. She was really popular and always working, but then again, she was extremely hot. Like, a 10 out of 10.” This just screams over-compensation on your part and, if you said something like this to your prospect, you’d lose value for it in her mind. You could still use your model ex-girlfriend to add value to a story, but you should do it more like this: “Really? I used to travel to work on the train all the time. It’s so hectic during the morning rush our, right? It’s weird how you can see so many faces on a train every morning and even though you catch the same one every day for a year, you recognize practically no one. It’s like they only exist for a day. *Allow your prospect to reply* This weird thing happened once. My girlfriend at the time used to travel all over the country at weird times of the day because she was a model for a fashion house for a few years. Our travelling schedules were never the same, though. Anyway, it was one busy morning, same old thing. I get on the train and it’s packed. There’s people pushing and shoving, you know. I work my way on and start walking down the aisle. Then I see right at the end of the aisle one free seat, which is like the holy grail at this time in the morning. So I practically sprint down to get it and, to my surprise, actually make it. So I sit down and relax. There’s one person sitting on my right, in the other seat. Literally a minute passes before I glance over my shoulder and who is it? My girlfriend! I didn’t even know she was catching a train that day, let alone the same one as me, at the same time. She was sleeping, her head was on her folded jacket. So I had a little fun first, you know, tickled her nose and stuff. She didn’t wake up. Then a kissed her on the cheek and she woke up straight away looking pretty shocked. But it was cool when her facial expression changed from shocked to surprized and happy. She said that the car that was supposed to take her from our city to the next hadn’t shown, so he had to get the train. It was cool—we got to spend a couple of hours having fun, playing travelling games, you know.”

Do you see the difference there? There is a real narrative to that story. It’s packed with details and none of it sounds arrogant or like bragging. The first piece of value-adding information is when you mentioned your girlfriend. Ding! One point. You’ve had girlfriends in the past. Then you mention she was a model. Ding, ding! This boosts your value massively, but only because the way you mention the fact that she was a model is so justified within the context of the story. You tell your prospect she was a model as a way of explaining why your travelling schedules were never the same. Next, you explain the weird coincidence of you meeting your girlfriend on the train. This is a nice little touch, because most people like hearing stories that contain pleasant, unexpected events. Then you describe how you woke her up and what you did after she awoke. You kissed her. Ding! Then you had a great time and played travelling games, like hangman and tic-tac-toe. Ding, ding, ding! There’s huge value demonstrated there, because what girl wouldn’t love to bump into her boyfriend on a boring train journey and have a great time playing silly games with him? Women love this kind of thing.

And that’s the theory behind telling value-added stories: include subtle mentions of things that add to the girl’s impression of your social value by incorporating them into an interesting, engaging story that justifies why you’re including the value-adding facts. You’ll see that by doing that, extremely strong sexual attraction is gradually developed.

This is a really clever game. It’s clever because you can play it with a girl and by doing so flirt with her, tease her, demonstrate that you have high social value and generally quickly increase your chances of dating her.

It’s called ‘Pinch’—here’s how it goes.

You wait until your conversation with the woman has reached a pretty good stage. You both feel comfortable with each other—the silences don’t feel awkward, mostly because there aren’t many/any of them, etc. Wait until she says something witty in response to something you’ve said. Then say, “Hey, you’re quick! I like that…let’s see how quick you really are. This is a game called Pinch. Have you played it before?” She’ll say no. “Okay, here’s how it goes…” You should now pick up something light and thin, like a bar mat or a credit card. It’s good if you can borrow the item off her. “Right. Hold out your fingers like this [hold out your hand so that you’re making sort of a pinching pose with your fingers, with your pointer finger and your thumb level on top and your pinkie finger lowest down]…I’m going to hover this credit card above you fingers and drop it. All you’ve got to do is pinch your fingers and catch it, okay?” The split second she says yes, WHILE YOU’RE STILL LOOKING AT HER FACE, drop the card. It’ll slip right through her fingers. She’ll say, “Hey, I wasn’t ready!” You can tease her here. “What? You said okay! Alright, try again.” This time, you should let her get ready, but instead of dropping it, sort of twitch your fingers a little bit WITHOUT letting go of the card. She’ll pinch her fingers and as soon as she does, you can drop the card on top of her hand—it’s pretty funny. Before she protests, say sorry and laugh. This time, do it fair and square. It’s damn hard to catch it, so she’ll probably fail. You can then say, “Well you’re mentally agile…physically, not so much…” or something equally teasing.

This game is really good because there’s a lot of room for flirting and teasing the girl. You can trick her, you can say she’s slower than your grandma, you can do anything you want. It’s good to let her test you afterwards, because you’ll probably fail too, which makes things feel fair—she’s got one up one you too…”Ha ha!” she’ll say, “You’re not so quick either!” The whole thing is a great way to flirt with a woman without the need for loads of words and descriptiveness.