Black Belt Seduction Blog: How to pick-up, attract and seduce women

Learn how to attract women now that pulling their pigtails is no longer an option.

Click here to learn how to attract women now that pulling their pigtails is no longer an option.

Learn how to attract girls using the ‘Invisible Camera’ routine

Click here to learn how to attract girls using the ‘Invisible Camera’ routine

When you’re out ‘in the field’, talking to women and hopefully working your magic on them, it easy to get complacent. For example:
- A guy approaches three separate groups of people one after the other. One group rejects him outright from the outset, another accepts him and he has a basic, short conversation with them, and the third welcomes him in and he has a long, fun conversation with them. None of the interactions end in the guy getting one of the girls’ numbers. So, after the approaches are all done, the guy looks at his watch. It’s 10:36 PM. Not bad. Pretty early, in fact. What does he do? He calls it a night and goes to find his friend.

- A guy has successfully attracted and gotten the number from a girl. He’s spoken to her on the phone three times since they first met and each conversation has gone smoothly and been enjoyable. This thing has promise, he knows it does. But he’s got a lot of work on. He’ll call her tomorrow, sure, but he needs to wait a while before he arranges their next meet-up…their first date. What does he do? Nothing. He just waits.

Thirdly, and most importantly…

- A guy has approached a group in a club and integrated himself into it. Now they’ve accepted him, he is free to talk to one of the girls in particular (his ‘target’). He strikes up a one-on-one conversation with her and they immediately seem to hit it off. She’s laughing in the right places in a natural and genuine way, she’s smiling for 65% of the time (roughly),it’s looking good. What does he do? He keeps talking to her, of course. And keeps talking. And they keep chatting. They continue conversing. They maintain their dialogue. They keep up their discussion. What DOESN’T he do? He doesn’t stoke the fire. And that’s what this article is about. Stoking the fire.

Each of the three scenarios described above are examples of times when the guys FAIL to stoke the fire. Stoking the fire means doing what is necessary to make progress with a girl in the direction of a sexual relationship with her (or, to put it another way, dating her). The reason it’s called stoking the FIRE is because when you develop something meaningful with a girl in the first hour of meeting her, you create a spark between you and her. This spark can either become a small fire (by you creating more rapport, sexual chemistry, etc.) or it can die out because you don’t take the necessary action to STOKE it. To continue the metaphor, when you succeed in creating a small fire between you and a girl (by having a conversation with her in which she enjoys herself and feels at least partially sexually attracted to you) it’s absolutely vital you FUEL THAT FIRE to stop it from dying out. You must fuel the fire if you want to succeed in attracting her enough to date her. As you saw above, it’s common for guys to get complacent when they’re interacting with women they’ve already partially succeeding in winning over. They’re either scared of taking the next step or not knowledgeable enough to know how to take it. But take it they must if they want things to move forward. So! How do you stoke the fire…

1. You must cross the invisible line from being a friendly male stranger into a sexually attractive, sexually interested male as soon as possible without freaking the girl out. What this means is that you can’t stay in the safe zone very long when you’re talking to a woman before you need to let her know that you are SEXUALLY interested in her. You don’t tell her you are, you show her you are. You flirt with her and tease her. When you start to do this, you cross the invisible line, which is a major part of stoking the fire.

2. You must begin to engage in tactility. This means touching the woman and hopefully being touched by her in return. Start with the odd light touch on her knee or upper arm (shoulder), then stoke the fire by playing a game with her hand or something.

3. Build rapport with her by telling her short, interesting stories which allow her to KNOW YOU.

4. Once you’ve flirted with her for a while and she’s flirted back and given you positive body language, you need to let her know that you are sexually interested in her by TELLING her out loud. Don’t say ‘I’m sexually interested in you’, say something like ‘Something about you draws me in…it’s a magnetic force. What is it?’

That’s a short lesson on how to stoke the fire when you interact with women.

Finding, talking to, attracting and beginning to a date a woman from scratch is pretty tricky when you don’t know all of the ins and outs of the game, but going from a girl’s male friend to her boyfriend can sometimes be even more difficult. Here’s why:

- The status of your relationship has already been firmly established, both in your mind and in hers. You’re friends. That’s that.

- In a way, it would make sense to think that if you were suited to each other as boyfriend and girlfriend, you wouldn’t have become just good friends.

- There seems to be a large risk attached to the idea of trying to go from being the girl’s friend to being her boyfriend. If you mess up, you could lose her friendship.

- You don’t want to feel like you’ve somehow committed a kind of betrayal by suddenly becoming sexually interested in her.

So, how are you supposed to counter all of those negatives? Here’s how.

Firstly, you might as well forget right now about the transition between being her friend and her boyfriend being a quick one. This is going to take more than a few days. The first thing you need to do is make absolutely sure that your life is top notch. What I mean by that is that you need your value in her mind to be through the roof before you venture into ‘letting her know how you feel’ territory. The theory goes like this: before you try to attract her, she must SEE that you are attractive. You can’t attract her by being the same person you’ve been to her for the last however long. You need to adapt yourself. A new you will mean that she’s meeting you in sort of a new way. Dedicate time to enriching your social life. Join some clubs, widen your social circle, go travelling (that might sound counter-productive, but it’s a good idea if she knows about it)…do STUFF. You want her to see you as a man with high INDEPENDENT social value, because that is what is attractive. Instead of changing who you are to her in HER WORLD, you need to bring her into YOUR world. That’s a lot of words in caps, but they’re necessary to get the point across. If you try to simply announce how you feel about her, she’ll see you as the same guy you were before except now you want to date her. First become attractive, then attract her.

Widen your social circle by developing new friendships with other men and women and then invite your ‘target’ girl to events with these new friends. Because she doesn’t know them, you will be her connection to them. You’ll be the person she looks up to. Always concentrate on crafting your own world and then bringing her into it. If you try to work your way into her social life on her terms, you’ll be treading dangerous ground. Once you have guided her into your social life on new terms, you’ll be able to transition into flirting with her. You’ll do this in a different way to how you’d usually flirt with a girl. In this case, you will not tease her in a blatant way, you’ll tease her like a little sister. Playfully but with warmth. Increase tactility by playing games like Thumb Wars. Arm wrestle her.

When, after a couple of months of developing things between you and her in the ways just described, you are ready to move things forward once more, you can say to her: “Recently I’ve really been drawn to you…like a magnet. We’re sparky. Something about being around you agrees with me. Do you know what I mean?” Hopefully she will, because by now she’ll have invested herself enough in your ‘new’ life and had enough fun in it to see you as much more than just a friend.

The more familiar you are with something, the more comfortable and happy you tend to feel about it. The same applies to people—the more time you spend with someone, the more rapport you have with them and the more experiences you share. To start to date a woman, it’s crucial that you have the kind of rapport, trust and comfort that only extended familiarity can create. So, that begs the question…how can you go about creating familiarity with a woman you want to start dating?

The Houdini Hello is a very clever and effective way to do it. To use it, you’ll need the following ingredients.

- A woman who works somewhere public, that is preferably fairly busy and that has a phone whose number you know.

- That’s it. This bullet point is unnecessary.

That might sound a bit far-fetched, but it really isn’t. How many times have you been in a bar and thought that you’d really like to date one of the barmaids? Probably a fair few times. But the Houdini Hello isn’t just confined to use in bars. Anywhere where there’s a woman and a phone that she will answer and that you can ring will work. Find that and you’ll be set. There are four steps to performing the Houdini Hello.

Step #1: Build Familiarity

You need to start frequenting your chosen location a fair bit. Never go there alone—always try to go with a friend or two. That way, your ‘target’ woman won’t think you’re a loner or that you’re their just for her benefit. Go there between twice and three times a week for at least a week or two. You want to slowly develop the bare bones of a relationship with her. And it really doesn’t need to go much beyond the bare bones at this point. It’s not too tricky. First order a drink and nothing more. The next time, ask her about the different cocktails or something. The time after that, say that you liked the cocktail she recommended the last time, although it was a bit expensive. Is she taking a secret cut of the money? Blah, blah. Drop one flirty comment, but leave it at that. DO NOT come across as a guy who is hitting on a girl who’s at work. She’ll have had that more times than you’ve had cocktails. Men will have hit on her about 5 times a day for the duration of her career there. Anyway, build that very basic relationship.

Step #2: Let Her Learn Your Name

There are a few ways you can do this. You can pretend to answer your phone as she’s taking your order and say “Hello? I can barely hear you. Yeah, this is Simon. No, not Solomon. Simon!” Hang up and say to the barmaid (or whatever she is), “I hate it when that happens.” It doesn’t matter too much what you say, just say something to her so she remembers what just happened (and your name). Another way to do it is to just tell her your name, but you need to make sure you don’t come across as needy or like you’re after something from her.

Step #3: Develop a Theme

Next you need to try to develop something between you and her that is unique and memorable. The cocktails thing for example. Let’s say you’ve gotten into the habit of buying a different cocktail every time you are served by her. You and her have developed a little running joke about it. This is the kind of thing you need to establish.

Step #4: Perform the Houdini Hello

Okay, this is the big part. Find out the phone number of the bar. You’re going to call it while your target, who we’ll call Jenny, is working. You’ll know that she’s working and liable to pick up the phone because you’ll already be in the bar, standing out of sight. She won’t know that though. Call the phone and when she picks up, say something like:

YOU: “Hi, is this the Dragon Bar?”

HER: “Yes it is, how can I help?”

YOU: “Oh, great. What time do you close today?”

HER: “Tonight we close at 12”

YOU: “Hmm, okay. Do you serve cocktails?”

HER: “Sure.”

YOU: “Cool. Could you mix me up a Sex on the Beach please?”

HER: “Erm, what? Mix you one up?”

YOU: “Yeah, not too strong though thanks. Sorry, can you hang on just a second? Thanks.”

HER: “Okay.”

Now what you do is your little magic trick. Walk from where you are to the bar. She’ll be on the phone, probably looking impatient. Walk around as close as you can to her. Catch her attention and smile. Your cell phone is in your pocket, with the call still going.

YOU: “Hey, could I have a Sex on the Beach when you’re done? Thanks.”

Here is either where she realises what’s happened or she just says yeah, hang on a second. If she realises, then you should smile and take out your phone. Say “I’ll call you back” down the phone and laugh. Say sorry while smiling. Then, “But yeah, not too strong though.” She’ll be smiling and laughing by now, guaranteed. She’s just experienced something fun and original and, the key point, she ALREADY KNOWS YOU. You aren’t some random guy, you’re Solomon…I mean Simon. It’s all good. It’s perfect.

If she doesn’t know it’s you when you ask for the drink, let her go back to the conversation and when she turns around, say down your cell phone, “Never mind, you probably have customers waiting” or something along those lines.

The Houdini Hello might seem like a crazy thing to do, with a lot of preparation, but it’s only really step four that is out of the ordinary. You just need to take the plunge and DO IT. It’s so unique and fun that it will create a massive bond between you and her that will propel your relationship forward. Getting her actual phone number to call her for real later that day is nothing once you’ve executed the Houdini Hello properly.