Black Belt Seduction Blog: How to pick-up, attract and seduce women

We have a lot of hang-ups that stop us from approaching women confidently. And it’s perfectly normal to feel a certain amount of nervousness and apprehension whenever we put ourselves out there to be judged by strangers, which in this case are women we are attracted to. However, if we want to move forward and get her to like us back, we need to overcome our fear and take the plunge.

Unfortunately, overcoming the fear of approaching women is not something that can be achieved overnight. The good news is you can start defeating it today - now - simply by following this 4-step strategy.

Step 1:  Acknowledge your Fear

The first step to overcoming your fear of approaching women is to acknowledge the source of your fear. Verbalizing your fear gives a “face” to your enemy. When you know what you are up against, it’s easier to find tactics to conquer it.

To put a name to your fear, do this simple exercise. On a piece of paper, list down everything that you associate with your fear of approaching women - all your reasons, the scenarios that you imagine, things that could go wrong, etc.

Step 2: Rationalize your Fear

Once you have that down, look at the list you have created. For each item on the list, defeat the fear by drawing up a rationalization plan against it.

In most cases, fear happens because our mind exaggerates the worse case scenario and focuses only that one unlikely possibility of massive failure. By rationalizing fear, we force our minds to do two things: First, our minds are forced to acknowledge all the other possibilities, including the positive ones; Second, we become proactive strategists by thinking of ways to repair the situation in the unlikely event that something negative does happen.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself to help you rationalize your fear: What’s the likelihood of it happening? If it does, what’s the worse that can happen to me anyway? If it should happen, how can I wrest control of the situation and turn it around?

Step 3: Internalize you Plan

The last step in the process is also the one that takes the most time to accomplish. I call this step “Internalizing your plan” because this is the part where we condition our minds to think positively by absorbing the rationalizations we’ve made.

To do this, you need to remind yourself, over and over, of the rationalization plan that you’ve drawn up against your fear. Read the list everyday. Every time you see an attractive woman, repeat it to yourself. Every time you look at the mirror, say it to yourself. Every time you feel like chickening out from approaching an attractive woman, remind yourself of your repair tactics.

Step 4: Put Your Plan Into Action

Now that you’ve pretty much reconditioned your mind to address your fear appropriately, it’s time to put your plan to the test. It’s time you approach a woman.

Initially, you may want to take it slow by approaching women who you don’t find intimidating. Choose old women, young women, the lunch lady, the police officer. Just get the hang of introducing yourself to women you don’t know and striking a conversation with them. This is an important exercise because every interaction you have will reinforce your rationalization plan and help you internalize them better.

Once you are fairly comfortable with the idea, approach women who you find somewhat attractive. And then progress to women who you really find attractive. Before you know it, you’ll be confident walking up to any woman you want.

You’ve just met a woman that you really like and you want to go out on a date with her. The first date can be tricky because you are putting yourself out there for her to judge if you are boyfriend material or not. Here’s what you want: a date that is fun, memorable, exciting and one that will leave her anticipating the next one.

You will definitely benefit from some careful planning when setting it up. To help you make sure she says “yes” and has a great time with you, here are some tips to get you started:

1.       Make it a group date.

A lot of girls aren’t sure if they want to go on a date with just the two of you after just making your acquaintance. If you force it, she might just shoot down your request. To take the pressure off of her, ask her to join you and your friends for a pre-planned activity instead. Make sure it’s a mixed crowd of men and women. If you hit it off really well in the middle of the group date, you can always break away from the group and spend some time alone.

2.       Choose an activity you’re good at.

Inviting a woman to join you or your group in an activity is effectively inviting her to come into your territory. Since you would be the only person she knows in that new environment, she will naturally have to rely on you to guide her. This is a great way to show your competence and to build trust. Choose an activity that you’re really, really good at to get the maximum benefit.

3.       Select an activity with a lot of physical interaction.

Sexual energy is transmitted best through touch. Save the movie and the concert dates for some other time.  Instead choose activities where both of you have to interact with each other, such as dancing or ice skating. Not sure how much touching is appropriate? Let her take the lead. If she responds positively and reciprocates, then you’re safe to progress.

4.       Flirt back. If you see the signs that she’s having a great time with you and likes you back, don’t hesitate to flirt with her. After all, you want her to think of you as a potential boyfriend and not just a guy friend. Tease her, but take care not to offend. A light banter will also work well to build a rapport between the two of you.

5.       Read her cues and know when to kiss. This is very important because it says a lot about your ability to “listen” to her cues and to take charge of the moment. Miss it and you run the risk of her thinking that you’re not that into her. When you find the right moment, go with your instincts and give her a kiss.

There’s this girl you really like. Maybe you are just acquaintances or maybe you are already good friends with this girl. You figure she seems to really like you too because she smiles at you a lot. But then, she smiles at everybody else a lot, too.

If you are going to rely on things like how often she smiles or if she’s shy around you, you won’t get anywhere because a lot of women are naturally shy and friendly. To tell if a girl really likes you, you need to look beyond the obvious signs of infatuation.

Here are 10 questions you can ask yourself to be able to absolutely tell if she really likes you:

1. Does she nod her head often when you are talking to her?

When you’re talking to her, pay attention to how often she nods her head. If she nods her head a lot, it means she wants to let you know that she agrees with what you’re saying. Combined with a genuine smile, an increase in head nodding is a definite sign she’s attracted to you.

2. Does she tilts her head slightly to one side when you talk to her?

Women do this to let you know that they are paying attention to what you are saying. More than that though, women do it to expose their neck to you. It means she’s definitely interested in what you have to say and absolutely thinks that you are a dominant male she wants to be with.

3. Does she purse her lips or lick them when she’s with you?

When you talk to her, pay attention to how she moves her lips. If she purses them, it means she’s bored. But if she licks her lips, she wants to draw your attention to her lips, which means she wants you to subconsciously think about how great it would be to kiss her.

4. Does she play with her necklace a lot?

If she likes you, you’ll notice that she fingers and plays with her jewelry a lot. This is to draw your attention to her soft skin.

5. Does she expose her wrists to you?

Exposing one or both wrists is a sign that she accepts that you’re are a dominant male and she’s willing to be submissive to you. It’s a definite sign that she is attracted to you.

6. Does she cross her legs and point them in your direction?

The action of crossing the legs makes the legs longer and more feminine. Pointing it in your direction means she wants you to notice her legs. If she crosses and then re-crosses her legs, it means she wants to catch your attention.

7. Is she comfortable standing close to you?

If she likes you, she will stand next to you with a distance of not more than 12 inches. It means she is comfortable around you and wants to stay close to you.

8. Does she mirror your words or your actions?

If she is attracted to you, she will mirror your words or your actions a few moments after you’ve uttered or you’ve made them. For example, if you say, “That’s amazing” she’ll use the same sentence after a while.

9. Does she tease you?

Teasing is one way of flirting with you. If she teases you, it means she’s really comfortable in your presence. It also means she wants you to tease her back.

10. Does she brush against your skin?

If she likes you, you’ll notice her thigh brushing up against yours. She will also touch your hand or your shoulder while talking to you

A lot of women believe in the idea of destiny - that if a man and a woman are meant for each other, the connection would be obvious from the first moment they meet, or at least soon after. This is why chemistry is an important sign that women look for when deciding whether a guy who approaches them is boyfriend material or not.

Supposing you’ve already approached a girl that you like and the girl is showing some positive signs that she might be interested in you, too. How do you make sure you create attraction between the two of you? Fortunately for us, there are several ways that we can help chemistry along. Here are some things you should do:

1.       Tease and flirt. Make sure you keep your interaction with a woman interesting by teasing her and flirting with her every time you get the chance. Being able to maintain a steady banter between the two of you is one sign women look for to check if chemistry exists.

2.       Gradually increase affectionate touching between the two of you. Make it clear to her that you are sexually attracted to her and that you are interested in moving things forward. Pace your progress depending on how fast or how slow she wants to go. How to know if you can make bolder moves? If she reciprocates by touching you back, that’s your cue to go for it.

3.       Kiss her at the first chance an opportunity to do so present itself. If she likes you back, missing the chance to kiss her may make her doubt your intentions — or worse, your compatibility. She will think of a million and one reasons why you’re holding back and hesitating to move things forward. Trust your instinct on this one. If the moment seems right for a kiss, grab it.

4.       Create a private joke that you can share. This is another thing you can do to increase the bond between the two of you. It’s also a good way to create a special connection that you can enjoy even when you are surrounded by other people or separated by miles.

5.       Give her a pet name. Again, another great way to increase the bond is to have a nickname or a pet name for each other. Nothing embarrassing, please. Make sure you choose a name that will flatter her or make her smile — not make her want to run away and hide. Using a pet name will also let other people know that you two have something special going on.

6.       Involve her in activities that you are good at. It’s important that you choose an activity that you’re good at because you want to create a feeling that you’re bringing her into your territory. Her vulnerability will then allow you to “protect” her and take the lead. Women like the feeling of being looked after, which they also attribute to your compatibility.

Approaching women is scary, especially if you’re going in blind to what women really find attractive. If you’re one of those men who don’t approach women because you haven’t got a clue where to start, here’s a step by step guide to building your confidence and seducing women successfully.

Step 1. Mental preparation.

Before going into any battle, you must first win the war raging within your own mind. This is the first and possibly the biggest hurdle you need to get over.

What’s stopping you from approaching women? List down the reasons for your apprehension. Once listed down, go through each item on the list and evaluate each one rationally. How likely are they to happen? And if they do, how will that really affect you?

Write down all of your thoughts and review them everyday. The more take in your rational arguments against your apprehensions, the better you will be at defeating your fears.

Step 2. Making a plan.

Based on your evaluation on what’s likely to happen and how you see yourself reacting, draft a plan of action. Identify the venue where you are most comfortable approaching a woman. Make sure you know this venue well and are comfortable socializing in it.

Next, prepare what you’re going to say. How will you walk up to the girl? What opening strategy will you employ?  What topics do you want to bring up for the conversation? Initially you may want to keep it short and sweet. As you become more confident in approaching women, try holding a conversation for a longer period of time. Very important — what’s your exit strategy? How will you close the conversation?

Step 3. Test it out.

Next you will want to test it out and to familiarize yourself with the process of choosing a girl, walking up to her, talking to her and ending the conversation. At the start, you may want to choose a girl you’re comfortable with - someone you see as within your league or maybe even a bit below you.  And then, as you become better at it, you can try approaching a girl you find really attractive. You can even try approaching women in various venues. The point is to slowly expand your comfort zone.

You will also want to do this often. Try to approach a girl once every 3 days. And then, slowly work it up until you’re meeting a girl everyday. At first, keep your intentions friendly. You just want to get the hang of approaching women and talking to them. When you’re ready, approach women with the intention of getting their numbers or setting up an activity or a date with them.

Step 4. Constantly improve on your technique

As you pace yourself and expand your comfort zone, you should constantly improve your technique. The more women you meet, the more you’ll recognize patterns of interaction. Before long, you will even learn how to classify women into loose categories. This is extremely advantageous to you because you’ll be able to plan a suitable strategy just by observing the girl you want to attract.

Seducing women is a skill that you can learn. And like any skill, it takes time to become an expert at it. If you can find a mentor to help you out, you can improve your learning curve dramatically. The important thing though is to believe in yourself that you can do it and to start today.

Great conversations do not take place in vacuum. You cannot prepare for it by simply listing down topics you want to discuss with a girl. But neither does this mean you don’t have to do any planning. Preparing for it in advance will increase your odds at having a great conversation with a woman that you like.

In order to have a great conversation with a woman, you need to find out clues about her personality and interests that will lead you to identify what topics you can talk about. Here are some tips to help you dig up those details:

1. Check out her profile at social networking sites like Facebook. Does she like to take quizzes? Or maybe she likes to participate in virtual games. Read her bio to find out how she views herself and check out her photos to find out clues about her personality. Use the applications available on these sites to interact with her.

2. Be friends with her friends. This will not only get you information about your girl, but more importantly, this will help you form good allies in keeping the conversation favorable. If birds of a feather flock together, then the sort of things that her friends find interesting she’s likely to find interesting, too.

3. Ask her what she does for fun. Say you’re talking to her and want to keep the conversation going. Asking her this question will give you an idea of her hobbies and interests. If you share the same interest, great. You can share tips and your knowledge of that activity. However, if you’re not particularly knowledgeable about the activity she mentions or if you don’t know anything about it, you can still get a great conversation out of it by asking her to describe it to you – the how, when, where, and why of it.

4. Talk about your interests and see how she reacts. Do you like a certain TV show or band? Are you passionate about eradicating poverty or world peace? Talk about it and see how she reacts. A conversation after all is a two-way street. You like to get know her and at the same time, she would also like to find out more on what kind of guy you are. If you talk about something that you really care about, your passion for it makes it infectious and may even inspire her to take up your cause.

5. Bring your friend or friends to join in the conversation at some point. It’s easier to keep a conversation alive when there’s someone else who can relieve you of the pressure to keep it going. Plan it so that you can introduce one of your friends at some point in your conversation. That way, there’s another contributor who can enrich your conversation. Just make sure you clue your friend in on your intention to bring him in.