Black Belt Seduction Blog: How to pick-up, attract and seduce women

Good looks is important when attracting girls. But even good looks can only get you so far. In reality, there are plenty more traits women admire in men that are more important than good looks. Money helps, but that’s not what I’m talking about either.

These two - money and good looks – are usually the root of shyness in most guys.  They think that they are not rich enough or handsome enough to date gorgeous women. Popular media seems to support this opinion, and that’s why a lot of us are misled into thinking that unless you have Greek handsome features and Trump fortune, supermodels are just out of your league.

But then, look at the people around you – you see gorgeous girls dating men who are handsome and not so handsome, guys who drive Audis and Jaguars and the middle class guys who take the subway. What’s the common denominator that makes these men so successful with women regardless of their actual wealth and looks?

In this article, I’ll share with you the secret to getting sexy, smart and popular girls to like you. Here are the 3 secret ways guys can attract girls using traits that all women find sexy and irresistible in men.

1.       Confidence

If there’s one secret that will have a drastic effect on your dating life, it’s this: It’s not the money or the good looks that make rich and handsome guys attractive to women, but rather it’s the attitude, the air of certainty that they exude that makes them irresistible to women.

Why is this secret so powerful? Once you realize it’s all about confidence, then you’ll know exactly that what you need to build on is your attitude. You need to believe in your ability to attract women, to enjoy yourself when you’re with attractive women, to focus on the fact that women need your acknowledgement and approval more than you need theirs.

Confidence is a very potent weapon that guys can use in attracting girls. But how do you show confidence if you’re not that confident? Like anything else, it takes practice. You have to fake it till you make it. You have to ignore and bury the apprehension until they’re truly gone.

Be careful not to overdo it though – what women want is confidence, not arrogance.

2.       Eye Contact

Establishing eye contact is a sign of confidence. It’s also a way to communicate attitude, desire and emotion non-verbally. Once mastered, it’s a very effective tool for flattering women, teasing them, flirting, showing your dominance, establishing your sincerity and credibility and more.

Here are some eye contact techniques you can use and what they mean:

a.       Intent gaze from a distance – looking at a woman intently, and not looking away even when she sees you can be very sexy. It tells the woman that you desire her and that you are confident that you will prevail.

b.      Keeping eye contact during a conversation – this tells the woman that you are interested in what she’s saying and that you are listening to her. It is important to have this so that you will be perceived as honest and sincere.

c.       Breaking eye contact – done right, breaking eye contact during a conversation can be a sign of confidence and dominance.  It tells the woman that you are not afraid of offending her and in fact, she should be working even harder in impressing you so that you can reward her with your attention.

3.       Social Skills

One way of establishing dominance to let her see that you are dominant in most of your other social relationships.  If she sees that you’re comfortable, well-liked and even admired by peers or even people she considers her “social superiors”, then she’s likely to want to impress you.

This is also why in the early stages of getting to know a girl, you don’t want to just hang out with her the entire time that you are together. That will make it seem like you are clingy and desperate for her affection – which is a real turn off.

Instead, what you want to do is spend about 40% of your time talking to other people or introducing other people into your conversation with your girl. Go ahead and talk to other men and women – yes, even the gorgeous ones. Just remember to keep those conversations light and pleasant – absolutely no flirting with another girl.

When you are in the getting-to-know-each-other stage, it can be difficult to find enough topics to keep the conversation flowing. This is because you don’t know enough about each other yet and often you are unsure about how far you can go on a certain topic without putting her off or offending her.

At this early stage, your goal is two fold: First, you want to get to know her better and find out if she really is your type. Second, you want to make a good impression on her. You want her to like you back and to find you attractive as well.

A rule of thumb when it comes to these types of conversations is to remember to talk to her about the things she likes - and not just the things that you like or topics that you are comfortable with. Don’t hog the conversation or talk about yourself and your interests. Apart from appearing conceited, you also miss out on the opportunity to gather information about her that will allow you to impress her even more.

That said, it doesn’t mean that you go the other extreme and never talk about yourself your interest at all. This is just as bad as appearing conceited, because you lose out on the chance to show her what a great, smart and funny guy you are!

The key is to strike a balance, to have both of you participating and sharing in the conversation. If she’s happy to talk about her interests and share her views, let her. But if she’s the type who’s a bit reserved, someone who likes to listen, then be sure to pack enough stories to engage her interest.

So if you’re looking for ideas, here are some topics on what to talk to girls about during your first few meetings. These topics are great to use as starting points to any conversation, because they’re neutral, and they’re easy to navigate to pursue other, more interesting topics.

1.      The weather. Don’t laugh! It may sound mundane, but really, the weather as a topic has a rich potential as a springboard to other topics. For example, while talking about the weather, you can move the conversation to how she chose her outfit to get to work that morning, or how it affected the mode of transportation she used, the amount of traffic on the street, the weather in places she’s travelled to, food cravings that are weather dependent, or activities that are great to do when the weather is a specific way. I could go on and on, and so can you.

2.      Work. The amount of time we spend at work means a large part of who we are is defined by what we do. Talking about work will allow you to see where her passions are. At the same time, talking about work will also allow her to see how talented you are. It adds to your value as boyfriend material to know that you’re a well regarded expert in a certain field. Keep in mind that we’re not talking about how much you’re earning. Even if you don’t earn much (not that I’d advise you to talk about how much each of you are making), as long as you show confidence, passion and expertise, it’s enough to make her think highly of you.

3.      A topic that you’re an expert at. And speaking of expertise, when faced with a lull in the conversation, it’ll be good for you to share a story about something that you’re truly an expert at. It doesn’t have to be work related – it could be about a hobby that you enjoy, an interesting piece of news you read that morning, an opinion about something somewhat controversial, a trivia that really amazed you, a new “it” gadget you’re lusting after – it could be about anything, really, as long as it’s something you know inside out. You don’t want to be caught with an “I’m not really sure…” when she asks you more about it.  

4.      Media – TV, music, movie, site, etc. Popular media is a great starting point to find out more about her other interests. A popular movie, what’s playing on her ipod, where her fave artists or bands are playing, or the blogs that she’s following – these are all topics that you can talk on and on about.

5.       Food. Food is a great topic because it can be controversial when you need it to be, and it can also be safe and fun. Everyone is always on a diet – even the no-diet diet is a diet. People love to talk and share interesting food finds. It could also be a pre-curser to a conversation on where you’ll go on your next dinner rendezvous.

The secret to making a conversation flow? Read and share! Read as often as you can on topics that you find interesting. And then practice sharing what you know with other people. That’s the best way to always have a roster of interesting topics to help you decide what to talk to girls about.

Having a great conversation is the best way to get a girl to like you. Not only will she think that you’re smart and funny, but she will also think that the two of you have chemistry – that you are mentally, socially and sexually compatible just because you were able to keep a conversation flowing. That’s the power of a fantastic conversation.

On the other hand, a terrible conversation is devastating to your chances of ever dating the girl that you like. So, pay attention, gentlemen! Here are some ideas on how to talk with girls so that you’ll get the response that you want – which is to get her to like you romantically:

1.      Be spontaneous – Even if you have prepared the topics that you are going to talk about and memorized every detail, data and statistic on those topics, you need to be able deliver your messages in a spontaneous and fun way. Plan, but don’t plan too much that you’ll get flustered if the conversation goes into an area or a topic that you don’t know much about. Conversation is a two-way street and you have to be open to how your partner responds. And you need to react appropriately.

2.      Look confident – Confidence is a very potent elixir. If you appear confident (even if your knees are shaking), girls will like being around you.

3.      Talk less about yourself and more about her – You mission is to make her feel as special as much as possible. So instead of just talking about you, get her to talk about herself, what she likes, what ticks her off. Girls want to feel like you’re genuinely interested in getting to know them. So by paying attention to their opinions and views, you are actually doing something flattering.

4.      Use the right body language – True, how to talk with girls deal mainly with how you verbalize your ideas. But do you know that having the right body language can reinforce and even strengthen your appeal?  What you want to communicate here is that you are confident, relaxed, and very pleased about the situation. What you don’t want to betray is nervousness, tension and panic. So work on your habits and mannerisms to make sure you don’t give away your true state.

5.      Use eye contact. Establishing eye contact is a great way to show confidence and to let her know that you are paying attention to her. I bet you know how important it is to keep eye contact, but did you know that it’s just as important to break eye contact? Yup, you read right. Being able to break eye contact and look around (at other people and other women, too) occasionally is a sign of confidence.

6.      Get other people involved in the conversation. If you can get other people involved in your conversation with your girl a few times, it would be a great way to relieve the pressure of keeping the conversation going. At the same time, being able to pull people in will allow you to flex your social muscle and impress her with it.

7.      Talk to other people from time to time. You definitely want her to know that you are enjoying your company, but you also want to let her know that if she wants to impress you or get you to adore her, she’d have to do better to get your full attention all the time. That’s why it’s important to be able to casually cut your conversation with your girl and then talk to a different group or person. This tells her that you can have a great time on your own, that a lot of people actually enjoy talking to you. This ups your value as a potential boyfriend and effectively shifts the burden of making a good impression from you to her.

8.      Gradually increase tactility. Adding a little physical contact will only make your conversation more exciting. Introduce tactility appropriately. Teach her a dance move, thumb wrestle, “read” her palm, hug her. And when the moment is right for it, kiss her.

9.      Tease her. The last thing you want to happen is to end up in your girl’s “friends only” zone. Make it clear that you are not interested in just being friends with her. Aside from increasing tactility, another way to do this is to introduce teasing into your conversation.  

When you set off to meet girls, selecting the right location is important. This is because the location can either help you sell yourself or work against you. The primary consideration shouldn’t always be the number of women you can potentially meet, but rather, how you are likely to be perceived when you make your approach given the setting you are in.

Take for example clubs. While there will definitely be a lot of single ladies in clubs, you have to bear in mind that women are conditioned to think that men in clubs are the types who hit on women.

Before you make your approach, you have already been pre-judged as someone who’s only interested in picking up women. Before even uttering your first word, you already have a barrier that you need to overcome.  This is what makes meeting interesting women in clubs more difficult than it should be.

The best places to meet girls are generally places where women do not expect to be hit on. These are places where “sleazy men” do not hang out in. But they’re not so random that you’ll be perceived as a complete stranger. You want to have some way of relating to the girls you’re meeting, so the location you choose should provide you with a lot of options. There are plenty of possible settings. To narrow it down, here are some locations for you to consider:

1.    Weddings - Social gatherings, especially weddings are a great place to meet women. And it also makes it easier to start a conversation – just simply ask her how she is related to the wedding party!  Never underestimate the power of mutual acquaintances. They can give you an edge by helping you appear to be someone who is familiar, who is “safe” to date. And do not underestimate, too, the romantic halo cast by the general mood of a wedding.

2.    Company Symposiums, Trainings or Meetings – Before you do this, make sure that the girl you are approaching isn’t someone you work with closely. This is to avoid any complications if in case the relationship doesn’t work out. Work is a great way to meet women, because having a job generally makes you more attractive to women. The more prestigious your work, the more attractive you are. And within your professional circle, how well you are faring is generally well-known. Given this setting, it will be easier for you to establish your “alpha-ness” or your dominance when approaching women.  

3.    Hobby Clubs – When you have a common hobby or interest, it will be easier for you to strike up a conversation and to appear sincere – because you really enjoy what you’re doing. When you’re in a hobby club, the environment is less toxic and more relaxed because hobbies are activities you engage in at your leisure. This is a great place to meet like minded women who are open to meeting new people.

4.    Gym – The gym is a great place to socialize. In fact, having someone to talk to while exercising is a fun way to make time go faster and to keep yourself motivated in working out (Hint: Propose to become gym buddies and call each other up to help each other stay “compliant” to your fitness routine. This gives you a legitimate pretext to swapping numbers with her). We all know how flattery and giving compliments can soften people up and are actually great openers. The gym provides the perfect setting for using this approach. Next time you hit the gym, why not plant yourself on the treadmill beside a hot girl you dig?

5.    Schools, Campuses, Classes – These are not just places where serious studying happens, but are hotbeds for social interaction as well. So the next time you feel a little social drought when it comes to meeting girls, sign up for a class (acting class, dance class, pottery class, writing class) and meet new faces.

Just remember that when it comes to meeting women, there are many great places to meet girls and they’re usually in places where you might not expect to meet them. So keep your eyes peeled!