I’d like you to imagine you’re a woman. Don’t worry, it’s only temporary. Like all women, you have a socially enforced responsibility to dress up when you go out in a such a way as to make yourself look as sexually attractive as possible, without moving into the ‘slutty’ or tasteless category. So you’ve done this and you’re now out with your friends, who also look great. But you…you look stunning. You’re slim, your breasts are displayed in just the right way, you ass looks small but pert and round…you’re hot. Your clothes are so well chosen, too. You look fashionable—you’re a 10. Alright, now you’re sitting with your friends and a guy comes up to your group and asks you whether or not it’s cool for guys to carry umbrellas, or maybe he asks if you think it’s okay for a guy to keep pictures of his ex-girlfriend while going out with a new girl. You don’t know this guy. You don’t know why he’s asking you this question (or maybe you do!). But he is funny, he has a certain natural charisma about him and you think he seems like a nice, attractive guy. But do you trust him? No…no you DO NOT. Not because he’s done anything to betray your trust or make you suspicious of him; just because, like all other people you’ve know met before, you don’t know him, so how could you possibly say you trust him? You wouldn’t leave your bag with him, you wouldn’t tell him your deepest, darkest secrets…he’s just a cool guy. So, do you want to kiss him, or how about dating him? He’s attractive, sure. But you can’t date this guy yet—he’s still a mystery to you, albeit an attractive one.
Okay, now you’re a guy again. As you can see, one ingredient is still necessary if you want to date a girl even once strong sexual attraction is in place: trust. The girl needs to feel she knows you well enough to trust you enough to kiss you or commit herself to doing what is needed to get the ball rolling in the direction of you and her dating.
So, how do you develop trust? Here is the initial broad outline.
• You must be genuine. If you are false, then people (including the women you’re trying to attract) will sense it. If you tell them things you’ve done which in reality you haven’t, if you make your voice sound deep than it actually is, if you pretend to be some cool cat that you in fact aren’t…then you’re setting yourself up for failure. No woman can feel she trusts a man who she sees as false. And even if you do manage to convince a woman that fake aspects of yourself and your life are actually true, she’ll soon know the truth when you start dating.
• You must show her that you aren’t just interested in her. You must focus on meeting all of her friends in depth. Don’t just speed through conversation with them so you can get back to flirting with your chosen woman. You have to be universally, neutrally sociable.
• You must move through three different stages with her. First, you need to talk to her on a very basic, easy way which puts no pressure on her. This is your opener. You ask her and the group about something, or you telling them something they can reply to and you don’t focus on pulling something out of your target. You don’t ask her about her job, you don’t ask her where she got her shoes…you just talk about neutral stuff, especially the subject of your opener (which will hopefully be a strong one). Once that stage has lasted a little while and you feel that your target has warmed to you enough, you can ask her how she knows the people she’s with, how long she’s know them, etc. That is stage two: talking about you and her. Stage three involves talking more privately to your target about slightly deeper topics, like hopes and dreams, fears, favorite movies, music, past relationships, etc.
• Finally, you really cement the trust you’ve so far built by following the above advice by using the eyes-closed method. Here’s how. When you’re having fun talking to you target, you suggest a quick game. You are going to test how perceptive she is. Tell her to close her eyes. She might be quite hesitant. She might smile, like she’s worried you’re going to do something nutty to her or something. This is good. If she closes her eyes straight away without ANY hesitancy, then your trust level is already very strong—which is obviously great. So, if you is hesitant, assure her she’ll be fine. Once her eyes are closed, say that you’re going to move your finger from one side of her head to the other. You’ll either start on her right side and move it round to the left, or the other away around. Put your hand fairly close to her head when you start, but not so close that she can feel its warmth or smell it (!). Now move it around quite slowly. Ask her to guess. If she gets it right (50/50) be impressed. If she gets it wrong, say it might be hokey test. Tell her to do it to you. You can either cheat (it’s possibly to open one of your eyes a minute amount without her seeing—just enough to see which way the shadow of her arm moves. If she catches you, then it’s a funny moment) or you can just try to ‘perceive’ it.
The whole point of this exercise is to show the woman that she can trust you. You say you’re going to do something and you DO IT. You don’t trick her. When her eyes are closed, she’s nervous about what’s about to happen. But you don’t trick her, you show her she can trust you. Then you do it in reverse. She won’t trick you either. After this exercise, your trust level will be through the roof, trust me. And with attraction and rapport in place, it’s only a matter of time before you’re dating.