Why Are You Where You Are?

To get where you want to go, you need to know where you have been.

That’s a simple way of saying that the key to achieving success in a particular field, no matter what that field is, depends on you being completely aware of your past experiences. You need to know what you’ve done and how well you’ve done at it. Armed with that knowledge, you can then focus more clearly than before on exactly what you need to do next and how you need to do it to achieve your goals. For example, a man’s goal is to become an accomplished public speaker. He makes it his goal to be the guy that gives a speech and makes every person in the audience think ‘This guy is really good.” So, he puts his name down as a speaker for a local event that’s taking place that weekend at the town hall. He makes some notes, irons his suit and gets a haircut. Saturday night soon rolls round and it’s his turn to step up and wow the crowd with his confidence and wit. Only, he’s scared stiff. His mouth is dry and his notes are wet with sweat that’s dripped from his armpit, down his arm under his shirt sleeves, onto his palms and then, from the tips of his shaking fingers, onto the page of scribbled notes. Long story short, he gets up there and makes a complete ass of himself. His first joke falls flat and the rest of his speech, or at least the parts the audience could actually make out, was boring. It had no flow and no feeling. Driving home all he could think about was how badly the speech went but how ready he thought he had felt before it. He was obviously wrong.

And in exactly the same way, millions of men are wrong about something else: the pursuit of a woman they can call their girlfriend. They know what they want so they try to get it. Then they fail and they don’t know why. The reason they fail is because they make the same mistake our wannabe-public-speaker made—they don’t consider where they’ve been before deciding how they can get to where they want to be. Let’s distil this principle a little and get right to the heart of what we’re talking about.

There are certain facts about yourself that you need to think about and deal with before you can expect to have a good chance of meeting, attracting and beginning to date a woman. They are:

- Your past successes with the opposite sex.

- Your past failures with the opposite sex.

- The social conditions you’ve lived in as you’ve grown up, from boy to man.

- The ideas you’ve formed about women and what it takes for them to find you attractive.

So, why should you consider these points? First of all, your past successes and failures can make ALL the difference to your future level of success with women, because they tend to mold you as a person. Maybe you once asked a girl to be your girlfriend when you were 11 years old, but she said no and, in front of all of your friends, crippled your self-confidence, at least regarding dealing with the opposite sex. This isn’t about deep psychoanalysis or anything—it’s just about getting an idea of what you’ve experience in the past that could dictate how your mind works when it comes to dealing with women. On the other hand, maybe you kissed 6 girls one summer when you were 13 years old. That kind of thing might have boosted your confidence through the roof.

Think about what experience you have had with girls and women and then try to tie that information to where you currently stand. You’re single. WHY are you single? Is it because you’ve never had a girlfriend? And is that because you weren’t popular at school and therefore didn’t have the chance to talk to girls? Or are you single because you broke up with your girlfriend of 4 years a month ago and are now feeling lost and confused? Only you can get a true handle on where you stand and why you are where you are. It’s only once you find the root cause of your single status that you can go about systematically changing that status from single to ‘taken’. So sit down, make some notes and be brutally honest with yourself. Why are you where you are?

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