Do you overcompensate in an effort to attract women?

We all have a sense, albeit a vague one, of why we’re here and what we need to do during this life. I’m not talking about religious nonsense or any ‘grand scheme’ or anything. I’m talking about the reality we know we’re in. We’re higher primates, creatures that have evolved over an unthinkably large space of time to have large brains and opposable thumbs, which is a formidable combination. Our advanced cognitive and cooperative skills have allowed us to create massive civilisations, full of technology. And that technology has in turn enabled us to further develop our intelligence and social skills. We’re a species that’s strapped to a rocket of forward progress. It’s 40 years since we pointlessly planted a flag on our moon, for God’s sake. Now we’re looking at the real estate Mars has to offer. But despite all of the gizmos we have, all of the cities we have built and all of knowledge we’ve crammed into our heads, into books and onto the internet, we’re still just naked apes with a couple of fundamental, unchanging goals in mind: stay alive and have sex. It might not feel that way, but the 360,000 new people born into this world each and every day testify to this unavoidable fact: we like to find mates and make babies with them. People have goals in life…all kinds of goals. This guy wants to be a doctor, this girl wants to travel the world, this fellow wants nothing more than to open his own hardware store. Whatever a person’s goals are, it’s a safe bet to assume that the one goal they share with most other people is to partner up with a member of the opposite sex and build a relationship with them.

So! How does all of that introductory text relate to the subject of picking up women? Well, we’ve established two things, two facts. First, we are basically animals with the same biological goals other animals have. Second, we’ve come a long way from the jungle. Despite being clever apes, we’re also clever people. And this is why so many men struggle to attract and meet women. They have the same goals they’ve always had, but now they’re playing the game on a different field with different rules. This is why you can see, on any Friday or Saturday night, a whole host of men overcompensating in an effort to attract a woman. They overcompensate in body language and behaviour. They try to do what they think it takes to impress women but they go too far. For example, in their gut they know that women respect and find attractive men who are physically strong. So, what do they do? They overcompensate by sticking their chests out and walking, no swaggering, like they’re on a war path. They flex their muscles to show off their strength. What else? In their gut they know that women like men who are respected by other men. So, they overcompensate by being overbearing to other men. They intimidate other males as a way of establishing a hierarchy. They are higher than any other man and they want women to notice that fact. One more example. Men know in their gut that women like men who are confident and unafraid of them. So they overcompensate by pinching girls’ asses as they walk past, or walking up to them and saying, “Wanna play house? You be the screen door and I’ll slam you all night long.” Jesus.

The lesson here is that although men and women have pretty much the same goals they’ve always had (to pair up), the process of getting there is different these days. It’s more complicated. More subtle. More nuanced. Too many men think that the best way to succeed with the ladies is to concentrate on the qualities they know women historically want (strength, leadership, alpha-maleness) and exaggerate them until they see the desired results. This is a flawed strategy and one you must avoid. Instead you must aim to demonstrate and display desirable qualities through modern, socially-acceptable behaviour. For example, a man who overcompensates might try to show that he is an alpha male and a social leader by being overbearing to other men. He might subtly (or not so subtly) put another man down in his (and the woman’s) presence. This screams overcompensation and the woman instantly notices it. A man who knows what he’s doing, however, would choose a much more modern, socially-acceptable way to show that he is a leader. He might bring the woman into his large group of friends or tell her a story that clearly demonstrates that he possesses leadership qualities. It’s the carrot or the stick approach. Women want to be drawn into your world, not beaten and dragged into it. You’ll tend to find that women with weak personalities or fragile egos will respond to men who overcompensate more than women with stronger identities. As a man, it’s best to cater for the upper end of the market. So, when it comes to displaying confident body language, demonstrating that you’re a leader, showing that you’re experienced and doing all the other things you know in your gut men need to do to get the attention of women, do not overcompensate. Hit the middle ground.

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