An Analysis of Bad Pick-Up Lines and the Solution to Them

Most people don’t know a damn thing about the subject of attraction and seduction. They don’t know anything. If you asked them what a pick-up artist is, they’d probably tell you that it’s a guy who moves from bar to bar, club to club, flagrantly and crudely hitting on women with corny one-liners until one of those women agrees to have sex with him. That answer, of course, is mostly inaccurate. Some guys are like that—the amateurs, the weak—but a real pick-up artist is nothing of the sort. In fact, a man who is truly proficient at sexually attracting women wouldn’t, or shouldn’t, even consider himself a pick-up artist, because that term is reserved for men who need to struggle through interactions with women to even get those women to like them. A pick-up artist is a man who consciously says and does things to create rapport and sexual chemistry with the woman he’s talking to. But a real master of the art of attraction doesn’t need to try very hard to produce the same results. At first he might, but after a while of practising and ‘finding himself’, it becomes second nature. So, what else would the layman or –woman say about what they think a pick-up artist is or does? They’d no doubt mention pick-up lines! Of course! The classic subject of pick-up lines. Every man knows at least one and most women know at least 100. Just kidding.

In case you don’t already know, using pick-up lines is NOT a good strategy for attracting women. They’ve sort of taken on a life of their own, because they double up as jokes. So, people have invented their own pick-up lines, some cruder or cleverer than others and told other people, and those people have told more people and so on until everyone knows if the woman was hurt…when she fell from heaven. But fundamentally, no matter how funny a pick-up line is or how well it’s delivered, the man is taking a big risk by using it. That’s take a look at a selection of modern pick-up lines and dissect what they’re all about.

- I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your Bed Rock.

- I may not be the best looking guy here, but I’m the only one talking to you.

- My love for you is like the Energizer bunny, it keeps going and going.

- Yo Baby, you be my Dairy Queen, I’ll be your Burger King, you treat me right, and I’ll do it your way, right away.

- I’d like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone beat me to it.

- If you were a new hamburger at McDonald’s, you would be McGorgeous.

- Is that Windex you’re wearing? Because I can see myself in your pants.

- I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Walmart, so I could ride you all day long for a quarter.

- Wanna play house? You be the screen door and I’ll slam you all night long.

- Excuse me, Do you have your phone number, I seem to have lost mine.

- I’m new in town, could I have directions to your house.

- If your left leg was Thanksgiving and your right leg Christmas, can I visit you between the holidays?

- I love every bone in your body – especially mine.

- You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.

- Hi, I’m a necrophiliac, how good are you at playing dead?

- I can’t find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.

There are 16 pick-up lines there. Guess how many refer to sex or sexuality in some way? That’s right, damn near all of them. 13 of them are dirty at their core. Here’s why.

Men who use pick-up lines tend to be overcompensators. They exaggerate normal mating traits and characteristics and display them to women in a warped way. In the case of most pick-up lines, or at least most of the ones above, the trait being exaggerated is that of extreme virility. They don’t just reference sex, they shove that reference down the woman’s throat. Men subconsciously think this a good way to show women that they are alpha males and therefore attractive. However, sexual pick-up lines, apart from having limited effectiveness due to their pre-planned nature, also:

- Show women that the man is sexually motivated, which can be a scary prospect

- Insult the women because the man seems to think that all it takes is a promise of being banged all night long to win their hearts

But! Believe it or not, sometimes even the crudest, rudest lines can work, but not thanks to their content. They sometimes work because they’re so awful, they’re actually funny in an ironic way. It’s like the line is so bloody terrible, the man could never have expected it to work, so trying it was a demonstration of extreme social confidence and it’s that confidence that might actually end up with the woman thinking the guy’s alright. Whatever the case, it’s not worth running the risk of using a rude line.

If you want to use a canned line as your opener, go for it, but make sure it isn’t a sign that you’re overtly sexually interested in the woman and DEFINITELY make sure that you aren’t overcompensating in any way by saying it to her. For example, saying a line completely wrong on purpose can be quite funny. Like, “I’m new in town. Could I have directions to my house?” Pause “I mean YOUR house. Damn, I messed it up. Sorry! You were about to jump all over me though weren’t you?” That kind of adapted line is cleverer than the original and shows that woman that you recognize how lame pick-up lines are…which she likes.