Good openers can be hard to come by. That’s because when you use an opener you read in a book or on the internet, you’re essentially using canned, pre-written material, which can make delivering the opener in a natural, spontaneous way difficult. You never want your opener to come across as some kind of covert pick-up line. That’s not to say that you can have a massive amount of success with pre-written openers. You just need to always try your hardest to deliver them as well as possible, that’s all.
You could say that this opener, called ‘Are You Thinking What I’m Thinking?’ is the best of both worlds. It’s pre-written, to an extent, but it’s also largely about creating your own opening words based on the situation you and the woman you’re approaching are in. Here’s how it goes.
Approach the woman and position yourself next to her. Don’t face her head on. Make sure you’re side to side. Don’t hang around or you’ll freak her out. Now say to her, “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” The response you’ll get will almost certainly be one of the following:
- I don’t know, what are you thinking?
- What are you thinking?
- I don’t know.
In that order.
Now you have a choice. You can either go into a pre-written follow-up statement and question, or you can freestyle. That’s the beauty of this opener, it allows you to change what you say next based on how the woman has responded to the first question. If she sort of smiles and asks what you’re thinking in a friendly way, you can go out on a bit of a limb and say one of the following:
- I was thinking that these days not enough guys summon up the strength and will to walk up to a woman and start a conversation with her.
- I was thinking that random conversations with people you’ve never met before can either go quite well or really badly, but never great. What do you think? [Her: No, I think they can go great if the people get along. You: Cool. Okay…so….You both laugh.]
- I was thinking that although it would be a risk talking to a complete stranger, it could also be pretty fun and enjoyable, right?
If you don’t feel ballsy enough to go with one of the above, you can follow the question up with something more situational. For example, let’s say you’re both at a stand-up comedy event and the comedian who’s currently on stage is bombing and being booed. You might say:
- I was thinking that the comedian on right now almost certainly has the sweatiest back in this whole place…the way his set is going. What do you think of him?
- I was thinking that I’m glad I’m not that guy [pointing to the comedian] right now.
Get the idea? The first question (‘Are you thinking what I’m thinking?’) gives you access. It starts the conversation. But it’s not enough to spark it—you need something more. So, she responds by asking what you’re thinking, THEN you say something longer and more content-full. You make a little joke or you say something relevant to your surroundings.
One of the best things about this opener is that if the woman agrees with what you tell her you were/are thinking, then you’re immediately bonded in a way. Of course, you make sure it’s easy for her to agree with you by saying something that she couldn’t really disagree with, like pointing out the bad comedian. If you can, though, try to use the ‘I was thinking that although it would be a risk talking to a complete stranger, it could also be pretty fun and enjoyable, right?’ line. It’s great because if she says no, then she’s being rude. Very rude. She has to say yes, because what you’ve said is an optimistic, positive thing to say. And when she DOES say yes, she’s pretty much given the conversation clearance to go well. She’s agreed that talking to you can or will be fun. It’s a really good line if you can use it—so try your best to follow up the first question with it.