The Importance of Stoking the Fire To Attract Women

When you’re out ‘in the field’, talking to women and hopefully working your magic on them, it easy to get complacent. For example:
- A guy approaches three separate groups of people one after the other. One group rejects him outright from the outset, another accepts him and he has a basic, short conversation with them, and the third welcomes him in and he has a long, fun conversation with them. None of the interactions end in the guy getting one of the girls’ numbers. So, after the approaches are all done, the guy looks at his watch. It’s 10:36 PM. Not bad. Pretty early, in fact. What does he do? He calls it a night and goes to find his friend.

- A guy has successfully attracted and gotten the number from a girl. He’s spoken to her on the phone three times since they first met and each conversation has gone smoothly and been enjoyable. This thing has promise, he knows it does. But he’s got a lot of work on. He’ll call her tomorrow, sure, but he needs to wait a while before he arranges their next meet-up…their first date. What does he do? Nothing. He just waits.

Thirdly, and most importantly…

- A guy has approached a group in a club and integrated himself into it. Now they’ve accepted him, he is free to talk to one of the girls in particular (his ‘target’). He strikes up a one-on-one conversation with her and they immediately seem to hit it off. She’s laughing in the right places in a natural and genuine way, she’s smiling for 65% of the time (roughly),it’s looking good. What does he do? He keeps talking to her, of course. And keeps talking. And they keep chatting. They continue conversing. They maintain their dialogue. They keep up their discussion. What DOESN’T he do? He doesn’t stoke the fire. And that’s what this article is about. Stoking the fire.

Each of the three scenarios described above are examples of times when the guys FAIL to stoke the fire. Stoking the fire means doing what is necessary to make progress with a girl in the direction of a sexual relationship with her (or, to put it another way, dating her). The reason it’s called stoking the FIRE is because when you develop something meaningful with a girl in the first hour of meeting her, you create a spark between you and her. This spark can either become a small fire (by you creating more rapport, sexual chemistry, etc.) or it can die out because you don’t take the necessary action to STOKE it. To continue the metaphor, when you succeed in creating a small fire between you and a girl (by having a conversation with her in which she enjoys herself and feels at least partially sexually attracted to you) it’s absolutely vital you FUEL THAT FIRE to stop it from dying out. You must fuel the fire if you want to succeed in attracting her enough to date her. As you saw above, it’s common for guys to get complacent when they’re interacting with women they’ve already partially succeeding in winning over. They’re either scared of taking the next step or not knowledgeable enough to know how to take it. But take it they must if they want things to move forward. So! How do you stoke the fire…

1. You must cross the invisible line from being a friendly male stranger into a sexually attractive, sexually interested male as soon as possible without freaking the girl out. What this means is that you can’t stay in the safe zone very long when you’re talking to a woman before you need to let her know that you are SEXUALLY interested in her. You don’t tell her you are, you show her you are. You flirt with her and tease her. When you start to do this, you cross the invisible line, which is a major part of stoking the fire.

2. You must begin to engage in tactility. This means touching the woman and hopefully being touched by her in return. Start with the odd light touch on her knee or upper arm (shoulder), then stoke the fire by playing a game with her hand or something.

3. Build rapport with her by telling her short, interesting stories which allow her to KNOW YOU.

4. Once you’ve flirted with her for a while and she’s flirted back and given you positive body language, you need to let her know that you are sexually interested in her by TELLING her out loud. Don’t say ‘I’m sexually interested in you’, say something like ‘Something about you draws me in…it’s a magnetic force. What is it?’

That’s a short lesson on how to stoke the fire when you interact with women.

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