If you have read the last blog post, then you’ll remember that ‘crossing the line’ was mentioned in it. In this post, we’re going to take a close look at what crossing the line means. First let’s define what the line is that we’re talking about.
When you talk to a woman who is about the right age ‘for you’ and who is single, there exists a line between you and her. One side of the line represents the normal mode and the other represents a sexually motivated mode. Here is an example of the normal side:
A guy meets a woman for the first time and they have a conversation. They talk about their jobs, TV, their friends, a holiday the girl is going on and which is their favourite cocktail. It’s a fun conversation and it ends when the girls’ friends say they are leaving to go somewhere else. The guy and girl smile at each other and say bye, it was nice to meet you.
Now here is an example of the sexually motivated mode:
A guy meets a woman for the first time and they talk for a while about different stuff. After about 10 minutes, the vibe between them is really sparking. There’s a lot of energy and they’re both having a fun time. The guy teases the girl by saying that the shoes she’s wearing make her look like a pixie. She says if she’s a pixie then he must be a troll. He says maybe, but in reality she’s the only one in the room who looks like a mythical creature. She laughs and punches him on the arm. He laughs and raises his glass. “To pixie footwear!” he says.
The difference between the two modes is clear. One involves flirting and teasing and sexually motivated behaviour and the other doesn’t. Crossing the line means going from normal mode to sexually motivated mode and although it doesn’t sound that difficult on paper, a massive amount of guys have problems with it in real life. It’s no doubt because crossing the line seems like a big risk to them. They’re already in a pretty good place, just because they’re talking to the woman in a normal, decent way, so they think why risk it, why rush things? Really all they’re doing is avoiding crossing the line, which means they’re delaying the progression of their relationship with the woman. But this isn’t a criticism of men. It IS hard to cross the line. It’s scary. It’s the unknown. You don’t know whether the woman will suddenly clam up when she realises ‘what you’re doing’ or thinking. Unfortunately, this a problem she’s going to have to deal with. You can’t carry it on your shoulders.
Here’s how to cross the line:
- First you need to get the conversation flowing smoothly and easily. There needs to be minimal tension. To do this, stay relaxed and let the topics and comments flow naturally. Don’t worry too much about exactly what you’re saying. Just be upbeat and speak clearly. Laugh easily and she will too. You MUST get her laughing before you move to the next step.
- Next, you need to develop some instant rapport by saying something positive that isn’t TOO flirtatious. For example, “Oh! That’s nice. You’ve got some fight in you…I like that.’
- Next, you need to step things up a little more. You’re about to cross the line. Drop one or two teasing comments. ‘Are you telling me lies? I just saw a little twinkle in your eye when you said that!’ You obviously say that playfully, not like a Nazi.
- If she reacts well, then you’re pretty much over the line. You’re in flirting territory. Good. Now you need to continue to build attraction by flirting a little more, but not too much. Tease a little before you flirt. This is flirting: “You’re really fiery…like you’ve got some Italian in you. That’s cool.” This is teasing: “Are you holding back some kind of dark secret. You did a little twitch when you said that…”
That’s a little lesson in crossing the line—something you must do, without fail, if you want to date a woman. Do it as soon as possible.