I’d like you to imagine you’re waiting in line at the bank. An attractive woman stands talking to one of the tellers—you can clearly hear what she’s saying.
As she speaks, you realize that—although she’s physically attractive—her personality leaves a lot to be desired. Here are just a few snippets from her irritating monologue: “I don’t care whether the money has arrived in my account yet, I need it today!…What? Don’t you know who I am?” Your assessment of this woman would probably therefore be along the following lines: hot, but a bitch.
The truth is, she might have just been having a really, really bad day when you overheard her conversation at the bank. But it doesn’t really matter—everyone within earshot of her immediately thought of her as annoying and pompous when she opened her mouth. She’s not the kind of girl you want to start a relationship with, based on this one episode.
So, what have we learned here? Well, two things.
First, people often form their opinions on other people by what they see and hear when they’re NOT talking to them. Second, people use this information to decide very specific and important things, including whether or not they are sexually attracted to them. Let’s get right to the heart of this concept.
In principle, women don’t like getting into random conversations with men. Conversely, most men love talking to women they don’t know. The reason for this is due to the limits of time and the risks of trying to acquire information.
A man who wants to find out what a woman’s name is can walk up to her and ask without any real risks.
A woman who wants to know the name of a guy she likes can’t walk up to him and ask, without the risk of appearing over-keen or a hussy.
More often, though, a woman will avoid this kind of move because she doesn’t want to risk getting into a long conversation with a guy who thinks, as a result of her approaching him, that she’s already really attracted to him and willing to take things further. Nonetheless, to become really attracted to a man, women DO need to acquire certain facts and information about him:
Is he funny? Is he protective? Is he self-motivated? Does he have any really undesirable characteristics?
And one of the main ways they get this information without committing to a long and possibly risky conversation with a man they don’t yet know, is to assess him based on his behaviour and demeanour while interacting with OTHER people.
Once you, as a man, are aware that all women do this to some degree or another, you can use this principle to your advantage. In essence, you can control the way you behave while around your male and female friends and thereby attract women who are in your direct vicinity. Here is the prime concept worth understanding regarding this concept.
- One-upmanship
Something many men do when they’re in public with their friends and aware of the fact that they’re surrounded by women they’d like to sexually attract, is perform acts of one-upmanship. For example, say your buddy is on the pool table and shows you all a nice trick shot.
You immediately want to step up and show off one you think is better, so—even while everyone’s celebrating your friend’s shot—you begin to set up yours. This kind of one-upmanship demonstrates one thing to the women around you: you worry that your friend has outranked you by doing or saying something impressive, especially something impressive to women.
You therefore feel the need to reassert your position in the social hierarchy by doing or saying something better than him. This kind of reactive behaviour shows that you aren’t ALREADY a high status, highly attractive male—women notice this and adjust their opinion of you accordingly.
Here’s another example of one-upmanship that you should avoid. Nearly everyone does this at some time or another. You’re talking to someone and they mention something like, “I went to see an amazing circus act last week—it was incredible.
I saw the trapeze artists, the clowns, jugglers, everything.” You then get the urge to tell them something you did that was better. “Really? Oh, cool. Actually, I went to real Moscow Circus last year while I was in Russia. It was good.” This sounds like a pretty fair thing to say.
You’re replying to them, right? Wrong.
You’re performing one-upmanship, which looks unattractive to women because you are reacting out of fear to something someone who you think is of higher value than you has just said or done.