This is something we’re all guilty of. We find a gorgeous woman and to attract her, we try our hardest to impress her. We go to great lengths to make her like us. We laugh at her jokes. We buy her drinks. We give her our complete attention and hang on to every word she says. In short, we try very hard – in fact, too hard – to make a great impression on her.
We all know what women like in men, right? Women want men who are strong, confident, well-respected, sociable, and who listens to them. But could it be possible that in our goal to be the kind of man that women want, we end up trying too hard and turning them off?
This is the idea of outcome dependence. The more we try to appear to be confident, sensitive sexually attractive males, the more we end up looking like losers. The stronger we want to appear, by trying too hard, we end up looking weaker. This commonly happens when we want to impress an attractive woman. We get rejected because we appeared too needy and too dependent on her approval, which isn’t very sexy at all.
So how do we defeat outcome dependence? We need to play it cool. Here are some ways how:
- Establish you dominance. When you’re meeting a woman for the first time, there is something very crucial that you need to establish and that is your dominance – over her and over everybody else. You don’t reveal how much you like her. Instead you treat her just like you treat everybody else because she IS just like every body else.
- Don’t give her all of your attention. Make sure you spread yourself around and interact with other people – both men and women. This will reinforce the idea that you are an alpha male, a dominant male, that a lot of people like and look up to. This will also signal to her that if she wants more of your time, she’s got to make some effort to win your attention
- Keep your approach casual and friendly. When you approach or talk to an attractive woman, don’t make it obvious that you’re trying to attract her. Cloak your true intentions. Be friendly and pleasant to her, as you are to everybody else. The pressure will be on her to impress you and not the other way around.
- Don’t feel the need to always agree with whatever she says. If she says something you don’t agree with, don’t be afraid to say so or to question her opinions. And if you agree with what she’s saying, that’s the time you can talk to her enthusiastically about it.
- Watch your body language. This one can be tricky since body language pertains to movements that we are unconsciously making. Be aware of common outcome dependent body language like leaning in too much which shows that you’re too attentive to what she’s saying or fidgeting which shows that you are nervous about being found out or being rejected.
Next time you see a woman you want to approach, keep these tips in mind.