One of the greatest difficulties men have when trying to attract girls is that they don’t understand the fundamentals of rapport—especially rapport between men and women. First let’s define what rapport means in a seduction-setting, then let’s look at the wrong and right ways to develop rapport between yourself and a woman you want to attract.
The kind of rapport we’re talking about can be defined in the following way:
‘A feeling of closeness, familiarity, trust and comfort between you and the woman. The overall bond that has been created between you and her in the short time you have known one another.’
It’s true that you have rapport with your family members and male friends, but that is not the kind of rapport we’re talking about here. We’re talking about the spark of attraction between you and a woman that develops into a warm glow, a.k.a. good rapport.
The biggest mistake men make when they start a conversation with a girl they’d like to attract is that they rush into rapport-building before they’ve even begun to tackle attraction-building, or even small demonstrations of social value. If you develop rapport with a woman before developing attraction, it’s quite likely you’ll fall into her ‘just friends’ category. She WILL feel comfortable around you, but not because she’s attracted to you. She’ll feel comfortable because she now knows that you aren’t a weirdo or freak—you can have a ‘nice’ conversation without any problems. So that is your first lesson: BUILD ATTRACTION BEFORE RAPPORT.
To build attraction, you must show that you are a high status (attractive) male without giving the woman the impression that you acting like you’re high status just for her benefit and just to get her to like you. The kind of conversation you want to avoid during the first 5 minutes of conversation with a woman (to avoid building the wrong kind of rapport too quickly) can be described as follows:
Deep questions which involve a lot of thinking and commitment are off-limits. For example, you don’t want to talk about each other’s philosophies on life, religious beliefs or general outlooks on the world during the first 5 minutes, because those are the topics you want to cover once attraction is in the bag. Remember: attraction creates the spark and rapport fuels the fire. First and foremost the woman wants to feel attracted to you on a basic, animalistic level: sexual attraction. Then comes emotional attraction, which is created through rapport, which is created through more intimate, personal, deep conversation. Apart from avoiding certain ‘deep’ or overly personal topics of conversation, you also need to make sure you aren’t caught rapport-seeking too early. Rapport-seeking is when a guy does whatever he can to create rapport between him and the girl. He’ll constantly nod while she’s talking, he’ll laugh heartily at even her worst jokes, he’ll agree with every opinion she gives…he’ll be a yes-man to get on her good side. You MUST remember that until attraction has been sparked, rapport takes a backseat. It’s lying in wait. You shouldn’t seek it by trying to get the woman to think you’re ‘her kind of guy’ or on her level. Doing this, especially very early on in your interaction, is a sure-fire way to let her know you’re NOT independently high value. You’re not even dependently high value—you’re just acting needy. She can’t put a foot wrong in your eyes. You get the idea.
You need to adopt and demonstrate the following philosophy when it comes to developing rapport between you and a girl:
- Rapport comes only as a result of you and the girl GRADUALLY bonding with one another in the most naturalistic, organic way possible. It should not be consciously contrived.
- It’s okay to build rapport with someone before attracting them, or without ever attracting them, if you have no aspirations to date them. But if you DO want to date them, it’s not only important that you build attraction before developing rapport, it’s VITAL. Spark the fire, then fuel it with rapport.
- Looking for men with whom they can develop trust, comfort and an emotional bond (which can be summed up as rapport) is not what women primarily do on a day to day basis. It takes too long. They instead rely on their attractiveness-meter to determine whether a man is suitable for them or not. THEN, once the attraction is there, they stick around to see if any rapport can be created.
- DON’T look like you’re rapport-seeking early on in the interaction. You must maintain your independent social value, so that the woman will find you sexually attractive. She needs to know that you aren’t looking to develop a bond with a woman until that woman has proved herself to you.