Black Belt Seduction Blog: How to pick-up, attract and seduce women

The only way to meet attractive girls is to actually go out and talk to them. This may sound easy, but for a lot of men, it is nearly impossible to rack up enough confidence to approach a woman he thinks is really hot. Just look around you. How many average Joe’s do you see hanging out with supermodels?

And yet for some men, talking and getting the interest of gorgeous women seem to come naturally. These are your players. They may not be the most good looking, or the richest man in the room, but they possess a certain something, an x-factor if you will, that seems to act like a magnet and attract beautiful women to them effortlessly.

So what’s the secret of these players that allows them to overcome the shyness that paralyzes the average man? This is what this article “How: Overcome Shyness Around Women” will reveal to you.

The first secret is that it all starts in the mind. How we perceive ourselves and our surroundings influences how we act around other people. That’s how powerful belief systems can be. The truth is every man has the potential to be a confident ladies’ man - even the balding, fat guy sitting at the back row. If we believe ourselves to be handsome and charming and to be great around women, then it’s very likely that we will be more confident around them.

If you want to build a positive image of yourself and your charm, you can start by verbalizing it. Often, the more we say it, the more we believe it.

Next, create positive interactions with women to prove to show yourself that you are indeed someone women will find attractive.  You can choose to start small. Start by making eye contact and sharing warm smiles with women that you run into. Next, you probably could offer to open doors or carry heavy objects for women or maybe offer a seat. You may not know it, but these acts of chivalry are things women find flattering. You’ll surely receive warm smiles and a blushing thanks as a reward for your efforts.

Once you see that you really are charming and your really are someone women find attractive, you’ll be more confident around women.

The second thing is to pay attention to how we present ourselves to the world. This is another thing that affects how we view ourselves and how we are perceived by women. Whether we like it or not, we are judged by our appearance - maybe not consciously, but we cannot deny that it influences the first impressions people make of us. We all know that women decide they’re interested in us or not in the first few seconds of meeting us, so you can bet that a lot of that decision happens unconsciously.

What does our appearance tell women unconsciously? Well, for one, it says a lot about our health. If we are attracted to mates who can give our offspring the best chance of survival, then it makes sense that women will want the fittest and healthiest among the available males.

Another thing that our appearances communicate is our social structure. Again, in line with the survival of the fittest theory, the man who has a better chance of survival is one to whom a lot of resources is available, the acknowledged social leader. This is the alpha male.

So be sure to pay attention to how you look.  Like I mentioned earlier, you don’t have to be a male supermodel to pull this off. It’s primarily about observing proper hygiene, wearing clothes that fit well and that show a bit of your personality.

The last secret that I want to share with you in this article has to do with your personality. We all enjoy being around people who love life - people who are interested in something (which may just be one thing or a lot of things) and pursue this interest passionately. And if you want to be successful around women, then this is something you need to cultivate in yourself.

A lot of things happen when you are passionate about something. For one, it distinguishes you from other men who are vying for the attention of gorgeous women. You are not just a pretty face. You are someone who cares about something.

Another thing that it does is it gives you something that you can talk about and share that will come across as sincere (and not just something you put on for show to make women fall for you). This could also be something she’ll look to you for. You’re an expert at something. And in the world of that something, you are an alpha male as a result of your passionate interest.

This third secret is a bit harder to master than the first two, because it’s something that’s very hard to fabricate. What you need to do is discover what it is you love - what it is you are passionate about. And in order to do this, you need to broaden your horizon, step out of your comfort zone, and explore the world around you. The journey promises to be a rewarding one, so I hope you elect to take it.

Having a great conversation is the best way to get a girl to like you. Not only will she think that you’re smart and funny, but she will also think that the two of you have chemistry – that you are mentally, socially and sexually compatible just because you were able to keep a conversation flowing. That’s the power of a fantastic conversation.

On the other hand, a terrible conversation is devastating to your chances of ever dating the girl that you like. So, pay attention, gentlemen! Here are some ideas on how to talk with girls so that you’ll get the response that you want – which is to get her to like you romantically:

1.      Be spontaneous – Even if you have prepared the topics that you are going to talk about and memorized every detail, data and statistic on those topics, you need to be able deliver your messages in a spontaneous and fun way. Plan, but don’t plan too much that you’ll get flustered if the conversation goes into an area or a topic that you don’t know much about. Conversation is a two-way street and you have to be open to how your partner responds. And you need to react appropriately.

2.      Look confident – Confidence is a very potent elixir. If you appear confident (even if your knees are shaking), girls will like being around you.

3.      Talk less about yourself and more about her – You mission is to make her feel as special as much as possible. So instead of just talking about you, get her to talk about herself, what she likes, what ticks her off. Girls want to feel like you’re genuinely interested in getting to know them. So by paying attention to their opinions and views, you are actually doing something flattering.

4.      Use the right body language – True, how to talk with girls deal mainly with how you verbalize your ideas. But do you know that having the right body language can reinforce and even strengthen your appeal?  What you want to communicate here is that you are confident, relaxed, and very pleased about the situation. What you don’t want to betray is nervousness, tension and panic. So work on your habits and mannerisms to make sure you don’t give away your true state.

5.      Use eye contact. Establishing eye contact is a great way to show confidence and to let her know that you are paying attention to her. I bet you know how important it is to keep eye contact, but did you know that it’s just as important to break eye contact? Yup, you read right. Being able to break eye contact and look around (at other people and other women, too) occasionally is a sign of confidence.

6.      Get other people involved in the conversation. If you can get other people involved in your conversation with your girl a few times, it would be a great way to relieve the pressure of keeping the conversation going. At the same time, being able to pull people in will allow you to flex your social muscle and impress her with it.

7.      Talk to other people from time to time. You definitely want her to know that you are enjoying your company, but you also want to let her know that if she wants to impress you or get you to adore her, she’d have to do better to get your full attention all the time. That’s why it’s important to be able to casually cut your conversation with your girl and then talk to a different group or person. This tells her that you can have a great time on your own, that a lot of people actually enjoy talking to you. This ups your value as a potential boyfriend and effectively shifts the burden of making a good impression from you to her.

8.      Gradually increase tactility. Adding a little physical contact will only make your conversation more exciting. Introduce tactility appropriately. Teach her a dance move, thumb wrestle, “read” her palm, hug her. And when the moment is right for it, kiss her.

9.      Tease her. The last thing you want to happen is to end up in your girl’s “friends only” zone. Make it clear that you are not interested in just being friends with her. Aside from increasing tactility, another way to do this is to introduce teasing into your conversation.  

The fear of approaching women is an affliction that all men suffer. Show me a man who feels no apprehension at the thought of approaching an attractive woman and I’ll show you the descendants of a long extinct caveman.

While all men struggle with this fear, not all men are successful at overcoming it.  If you are one of these men and you are sick of going home alone when everybody else has got a hot date to the after party, here’s the 7-day crash course to help you overcome your fear of approaching women and become a confident dater.

Day 1: Reflect and conquer

First thing you have to do is to identify the root of your fear. Are you afraid of rejection, getting laughed at, making a mistake, stuttering? List absolutely everything down. Sometimes, just verbalizing our fears is enough to release the stress and become more relaxed when meeting women.

Once you’ve listed down your fears, opposite them list down ways you can defeat that fear. Some questions to think about: What’s the likelihood of them taking place? If it does take place, what’s the worse that can happen? How can you rebound? Is there long term damage?

Now that you have your list, internalize it on the first day. Review it every day until you feel that you’re much more confident.

Day 2: Go on a makeover

A lot of our hang ups about ourselves stem from our insecurities on the way we look. We may think that we are too fat, too scrawny, too ugly, too geeky, too uninteresting, etc. Let us address these concerns to boost our confidence.

Admittedly, some of them require long term solutions like diet and exercise. On the short term, you can make yourself look better by improving your hair and your clothes. Your look and your confidence can definitely benefit from some quick and easy changes to your appearance. Devote day 2 to creating your new and improved look.

Day 3: Conditioning Exercise: Flash a Smile

The next thing you do is slowly condition yourself to get used to interacting with women you don’t know. What you do is choose a place where there are a lot of women - like in a park or in a supermarket. Whenever you see a woman, I want you to smile. Flash a genuine, friendly smile and see women smile back at you. You may choose women who do not scare you - non threatening women - to get you used to smiling at women.

Day 4: Conditioning Exercise: Smile at Attractive Women

Now that you’re pretty used to smiling at women who do not intimidate you, you can start smiling at women whom you find attractive. Once again, choose a venue where there are lots of women. And then initially, alternate smiling at non threatening women and attractive women. Do this until you are able to smile at attractive women easily.

Day 5: Conditioning Exercise: Chat

Next step is to become comfortable chatting to women. Again, choose a venue where there are lots of women and do this only with women whom you are not sexually attracted to. Smile, walk up to them and chat with them. You can do this by asking them a question or giving a general comment. The objective of this exercise is to get you used to smiling, approaching and starting a conversation with strangers who happen to be women.

Day 6: Conditioning Exercise: Chat with Attractive Women

Day 6 is a repeat of yesterday’s exercise, only this time instead of non-threatening women, you’re going to approach attractive women. You may start by alternating non-threatening and attractive women until you can chat exclusively with attractive women. Progress by having longer and longer chats as you move along your targets.

Day 7: Social Venues

By now, you’ve smiled and talked to probably a hundred women and tens of attractive women. You are used to approaching women you don’t know and striking a conversation with them. You’re now ready to test your new skills at a more social venue like a party or a club. Remember, you can warm up with women you aren’t attracted to and then afterwards approach the women you want to attract.

It’s no secret that men fantasize about dating very sexy women. If you go to any bachelor’s room, the evidence is overwhelming. Desktop background, screen savers, video downloads, the music he listens to, the movie he watches - evidence of is obsession with gorgeous women is everywhere. And yet, if we were to describe the ratio of men who are obsessed with gorgeous women to men who actually date them, it would be a grossly inverse relationship - and this is not due to a lack of pretty women.

It’s practically a fact: average guys don’t end up dating girls who they consider way too beautiful. Guys rate women and for a majority of men, women who are 9s and 10s are too out of their league to even try for. Average guys “settle” for average girls. To understand why, here are 8 reasons why men tend to avoid dating women who are very attractive:

1.       Fear of rejection. Girls who are very attractive are thought to be hunk magnets. Since they’re approached so often by so many guys, it’s much easier for them to reject guys. Hence, it’s the chances of a guy getting rejected within seconds of approaching a girl is doubled, even tripled when the girl is super attractive.

2.       Fear of being exposed. Since the very pretty girls are approached so often by men who want to date them, they become quite familiar with the various styles and techniques that men use to attract women. This familiarity means she’s probably familiar with the moves an average guy might spring on her, rendering his chances of success close to nil.

3.       Excessive shyness. Some men are just shy around women. And the prettier the women, or the more of them there are to interact with, the more his shyness intensifies.

4.       Low self esteem. Like attracts like. Following this logic, very pretty women deserve and probably expect to be with a very hunky guy. Average guys view themselves as average, which means not good looking enough, not rich enough, not tall enough, not good enough for a super attractive female.

5.       Procrastination. The odds of an average guy dating a foxy lady seem like an overwhelming 10 million to 1. With odds like that, why even bother trying?

6.       Clueless on what to do and say. Very pretty ladies also appear to be very sophisticated and adept at playing the seduction game. What can you say or do to impress someone who probably has seen and heard every tactic known to man?

7.       Performance anxiety. Well, these average guys are not used to talking to hot, sexy ladies. This makes them anxious when interacting with them.

8.       Fear of embarrassment. Nobody wants to make a fool of themselves, especially so in front of someone they find very attractive. Sometimes, the threat of embarrassment is so real that it cowers men from considering other, more likely possibilities.

Did you know that women will know within mere seconds of meeting you if they want to date you or not? This only goes to show that this choice is not based on a rational decision making process but is instead based on intuition and stereotypical profiles of men. This makes it really crucial for you to understand how you can make a great impression every time you go out and meet women.

To be able to do this, we must first understand what factors go into how women intuitively decide whether you are date material or not. These factors have their roots in women’s biological make up and how we as a specie determine what a good sexual match is.

For many centuries, women have always defined a good sexual match as one who has strong genes and the ability and willingness to protect her and her offspring. The manifestations of these are confidence, leadership ability, social status. The man who manifests all these traits is known as the alpha male. He does not necessarily have to be good looking or rich as long as his status is one where other men look up to and aspire to be like him and other women vie for his attention.

If you want to fain women’s favorable opinion upon meeting them, you need to transform yourself into today’s equivalent of an alpha male. How you act around other people - both men and women  - will form the basis of women’s evaluation whether or not you are alpha male. So, what kind of behavior are we referring to?

The first criterion is confidence. You need to be confident in your speech and in your actions. You need to be comfortable in your own skin so that you will not feel the need to sacrifice a bit of yourself or your beliefs just to please other people. You can ignore the pressure to comply with what other people think or fear other people’s opinion because of your strong self-belief.

The second criterion is leadership ability. In times past, alpha males are often the leaders of their tribes as a result of them earning the esteem and trust of the members of the tribe. Fast forward to modern times, alpha males often take the lead in various social situations. They continue to be decision makers because they continue be regarded highly. If you want to become an alpha male, you need to who women that you can step up and take the lead.

The third criterion is high social status. Social mores dictate a code of behavior between a leader and his followers. In exchange for the trust and the admiration of his followers, a leader is expected to always do what’s best for his followers. He makes his decisions with care and a considerable amount of thought because he knows that his status as a leader is contingent on his ability to make decisions that are good for his group. This relationship requires loyalty and responsibility on the part of the leader, which satisfy women’s intuitive need not just to find sexual partners with strong genes, but also one who will be loyal to her when the time comes when she has to rely on him to protect her and her offspring.

If you are not alpha male, you can become one over time. As you may have realized, being alpha male is not just adopting a set regimen of behaviors. Instead, it involves first and foremost, a change in outlook. With proper guidance and sufficient knowledge, you can become an alpha male and use more advanced seduction techniques to create attraction within seconds of meeting women.

When we see an attractive woman, we want her to like us back. Our natural tendency is to go out of our way to make a great impression, going to great lengths to make sure she likes us back.

But did you know that the best way to attract women is really to treat them no differently from how we treat other people? By making ourselves and our attention scarce, we force women to work for our attention.

If you want to make attractive women work for your attention, here are some moves you can pull when you approach her:

1. Once you make her acquaintance, still continue to interact with other people.

Don’t make the mistake of giving her all of your attention. Continue interacting with other people - both men and women. This is another way of treating her no differently from everybody else. This will even make you more attractive in her eyes.

When she sees you having fun with other people, it will put the pressure on her to come up with something interesting to offer you because she thinks that she’s competing with everybody else for your attention. To her, you’ll seem like someone who is well-liked and well-regarded, someone confident and quite at ease mingling with other people.

2. Don’t agree with everything she says.

When meeting someone for the first time, especially if that someone is a pretty woman, we don’t want to appear disagreeable. What happens is we agree to every statement she utters, even if we really don’t.

But this doesn’t do us any good for 3 reasons: First, it shows the woman that we have no mind of our own. We have no opinion whatsoever, and so we agree to whatever she says. Second, it becomes obvious that we’re trying to win her favor. We want her to accept us, to think well of us, that’s why we dare not challenge her. Third, it tells the woman that we don’t have enough self-confidence to give an opinion because we don’t want to give a “wrong” opinion and reap rejection.

By disagreeing with her, you refute all of these, which I’m sure you will agree are not very attractive qualities at all for a man. You must remember who you are in this relationship - you are the dominant male. A word of caution though - don’t overdo it. You’re not trying to be rude here. You’re just being honest. Maintain a friendly attitude even while you disagree.

3. Don’t appear too interested in what she has to say

When we’re interested in what someone is saying, we tend to lean our bodies toward the speaker, we establish eye contact, and we nod a lot.

This is not what you want to be doing. Instead, you should not be afraid to break eye contact, to be a bit more laid back and relaxed. By doing this, you’re telling her that you do not care that much about how she thinks of you. This kind of confidence is something women find very attractive in a man.

Again, remember not to overdo. Don’t purposefully ignore her when she’s talking. You’re still paying close attention to what she’s saying, you’re just not letting it show too much.

This kind of “aloof” behavior of treating attractive women like everybody else is a characteristic behavior of an alpha male. Women find alpha males sexually attractive because they are perceived as leaders that other men look up to and women vie for. Thus, they tend to exhibit dominant behavior - not because they want to lord it over everybody else, but simply because they know no other way to be than high status.