Black Belt Seduction Blog: How to pick-up, attract and seduce women

Plenty of guys can have really fun conversations with women that contain some good levels of attraction and rapport, but only a small minority can perform a successful ‘close’ at the end of the conversation, by swapping phone numbers with the girl or doing something similar. And even fewer guys can close a conversation without even needing to ask the woman for her number, because she volunteers it herself. But there is a technique for making this happen. It goes like this.

You’ve been talking to a girl for a while and the conversation’s going well. You can tell she likes you because you’ve spotted 3 or more of the signs of interest, like her flicking her hair around or touching you every now and then. You continue talking, waiting for a light-hearted moment to come along in which you both laugh and smile. When one does, straight after you move a little closer to her and say: “Listen. I have to go now to meet some friends. But I’ve had a lot fun getting to know you and think it’d be a shame if we left it here. On that note, I have a question for you. What do you think the best move we could make would be to ensure this isn’t the last time we have a fun conversation?”

Let’s dissect what this type of close consists of and thereby reveal why it works so well. You begin the closer directly after a particularly fun moment in the conversation. This backs up what you say next about how it’s been fun getting to know her. You also mention that you’ve got to go because of friends, which shows you’re a social kind of guy that has other arrangements – which demonstrates your personal value and self-worth. Then you ask what the best step you could both take would be to basically see each other again. And you use the word “we”, which subliminally suggests that you’re already somehow connected to one another. By asking her this question, you hand her control – but in the best possible way. If she likes you and has enjoyed getting to know you too, then she’ll actually suggest one of two things. She’ll either say you should meet up somewhere soon to do something together, or, more likely, she’ll eagerly volunteer to give you her phone number. If, for some reason, she responds with an “I don’t know” or something equally non-committal, then you simply say: “You don’t know? Oh, I guess you’re not as social as I thought! Well, how can we make it so we can talk again?” By this point she’ll definitely have got the message and will more than likely suggest giving you her phone number. Sometimes, though, something else happens. You might not realize it, but you’ve actually made much more of an impact on the girl than you first realised and when you pose your closer question, she’ll suggest something much more forward than handing you her number, like going on a full-blown date or even you accompanying her home. That’s the great thing about letting her come up with the answer to your little “dilemma.”

Try using this closer the next time you find yourself near the end of a good conversation with a woman that contains strong mutual attraction.

Getting a girl’s phone number is the classic end to the so-called ‘pick-up’. That’s because it’s the best way to keep in contact with the woman you’ve attracted. You don’t know her well enough to arrange a date and certainly not enough to go back to her place or invite her back to yours—so you do the best you can, you get her number. First things first, it’s always better to keep things equal when you perform your close, so don’t just get her number; swap numbers with each other.

Okay, so let’s think about the main difficulties of closing by swapping phone numbers.

• If it’s not done right, the close can come out of nowhere and seem like a big surprise to the woman. This is not good.

• Asking for her number can reek of ‘picking up women’. You don’t her to think that’s what you’re doing, because it isn’t.

• If other people see you getting your phone out to get her number, they might think you’re trying to pick her up. And if those people who see are her friends, they might take umbrage to it.

So, how can you make the action of swapping numbers with her as smooth and stress-free as possible? One of the best things you can do is use habituation.

Habituation means getting used to something because you’re exposed to it a lot. For example:

• You can’t really detect your body’s own unique smell

• You get used to plug-in fragrances after a while

• The more time you spend high up, the less you tend to fear heights

So, you’re going to use the same principle to make the moment you take out your phone to swap numbers with the woman go perfectly. Here are a couple of ways to achieve that.

• At some point in your long interaction with the woman, you should describe a scenario using several props, one of which will be your phone. For example, you once went to Spain and saw/took part in the bull run thing, where they release a bull and everyone runs away and generally tries to avoid getting killed (you might want to pick something less cruel actually, in case she takes offence to it, but you get the idea. Pick something with lots of action.) Now say, “Here, this is the best way to describe it.” Collect a few objects. Use a glass to represent a wall, some coins to represent some people and YOUR PHONE to represent the bull. Now go about playing out the crazy event. Make it funny and full of action. Make sure it’s your phone that plays the main role in the little action scene, so she’s looking at it constantly. You can end it by making the bull/phone leap onto her leg, which will make her laugh while also making her feel really comfortable with your phone. THEN, you leave your phone on the table in front of you for the rest of the conversation. When you come to close, you just lean forward and casually pick up your phone and say, “Wanna swap numbers with my bull?” or something equally (or more) casual and funny.

• The above method is perhaps the strongest way to habitualize the woman to your phone, but you can ask her to take a photo of you doing something on your phone. Show her how to do it first, of course. Or you can mix that action with a good flirty comment. “Let’s take a picture of us doing our scary faces (or whatever). Here…on my phone. Actually you hold it out while we do it, you’ve got nice long arms.” Cue laughter and “Oh my god!!” Perfect.

These methods of getting a girl used to you phone make closing by swapping numbers  much, much easier.

In the world of the pick up artist, getting a girl’s phone number after having a conversation with her is called ‘closing’. It’s a term that has been borrowed from the world of sales. Closing is one of the things men struggle with most because it’s make or break for them—even after they’ve had a really good conversation with a woman, it can all go down hill in an instant if she turns him down at the last second. He could look a fool for trying to close.

When you close, the first thing you need to remember is that there MUST be attraction and rapport between you and the woman. If there isn’t, how could the woman be expected to give you her phone number? Check her body language and analyze the things she’s saying to see if she is attracted to you. Then, follow this advice.

1. You should make it easy for the girl to agree to what you’re suggesting.

If you take the hard work out of the decision making process, she doesn’t need to think of things you could do or why you should do them. All she needs to say is “yes!” Sometimes a girl really will want to see you again, but because arranging something can be such an awkward task, she’ll decide it’s too much hard work to bother with. By giving her a clear and concise choice, you remove this problem completely.

2. You should demonstrate you’re confident enough that she likes you to suggest you see each other again.

By showing that you think it’s more than likely she find you attractive, you also show that you have a high opinion of yourself, a solid level of self-confidence and self-belief. And because she’s the one recognizing these positive traits in you, you don’t come across as over-confident an arrogant, so many guys who push their false self-assuredness in girls’ faces.

3. You should set the standard and allow the girl to suggest something equally specific.

Let’s say the girl couldn’t agree to your first suggestion for some reason. She definitely likes you, but simply couldn’t say ‘yes’. For example, perhaps you attempted an arrangement close by saying you should swap email addresses. Unfortunately, she genuinely doesn’t have one. However, because you were so straight-forward and specific in suggesting how you could swap contact information, the girl is now much, much more likely to say something like, “I don’t have an email address. I’ve got my cell phone though! Here’s my number…” If you had been ambiguous when you made your first suggestion, the girl would have probably followed in your first steps and not jumped at the chance to make her own specific suggestion.

4. Your directness should demonstrate positive interest, as opposed to negative intentions

In conversation, it’s important you don’t quickly skip from subject to subject because doing so shows that you don’t really care what you talk about with a girl, just that you are talking to her. This lowers your value in her mind, because you’re putting her on a pedestal that says she deserves special attention and adoration. In closing, a similar concept applies. When you’re specific in your closing suggestion, you show that you interested in doing a particular thing with the girl, something you’ve thought about and decided would be fun. When you make the suggestion to the girl, she recognizes this and likes it – which makes her say ‘yes’. However, if you are vague in what you suggest when you close, the followed message is conveyed to the girl: “I don’t really care what we do or when we do it, all I know is that I want to see you again!” This doesn’t come across as very attractive to her because, once again, she’s been unduly elevated to a superior level to you. For her to be attracted to you, she needs to either be on a par with your or a little below.

Follow these general rules and closing will never be as difficult for you as it is for most other men.

You’ve had a great conversation with a girl so far.

You’ve laughed and joked, flirted and generally had fun.

So, does that mean you should go in for the kiss?

Is she ready for that?

Will she freak out or will she love it?

How the hell am I supposed to know when and how to kiss her?

This is a just a small selection of the questions that buzz around a guy’s mind when considering the problem of initiating a first kiss with a girl.

It’s sort of understandable, I suppose. Kissing a girl is a big move for most men and takes a lot of guts to carry out.

But honestly speaking, most fellas make more out of it than is necessary or warranted. They see more of an obstacle than is really there.

You’re now going to learn a few simple facts and rules that will together make kissing girls much, much easier. There are two parts to getting it right every time. First you need to know when a girl is ready to be kissed by you.

Possessing this skill will clearly give you a massive advantage when dealing with the whole “first kiss” thing.

• Women will signal their sexual interest in you before you kiss them by touching and making physical contact with you every now and then. Pay attention to how and with what frequency girls touch you. They might casually brush your hand with theirs, tap you on the thigh to get your attention, or touch the outside of your upper arm while talking to you. When you notice these moments of contact, take them as they’re meant: as signs the girl feels physically comfortable with you and likes your company.

• Look for other signs a girl is attracted to you too. Is she playing with her hair? Smiling at everything you say?

• Unless you’re in a loud club, on the dance floor and unable to hear each other, you’re always going to need to talk to a girl for a while before she’s ready and willing to kiss you. The club kiss is the exception to the rule because some people in some clubs behave differently to other people in other places. Forget about kissing girls without first having a conversation with them. 95% of the time you’re going to need a good deal of verbal interaction before you can kiss her.

• Trust your gut instinct. If you feel like the girl is having a good time with you and you’ve been interacting with each other for a while (60 minutes and over is usually a pretty accurate benchmark), then seriously think about kissing her. Use the rules that follow to do it.

Here’s to make the first kiss easy.

• When you go in for the first kiss, you MUST do it confidently and spontaneously. Firstly, because women find confidence and spontaneity attractive. And secondly, because if you show any hesitancy or doubt about kissing her being right, she will too. If, however, you make it seem like the smallest thing in the world, she’s likely to think of it in the same way.

• Most of the time you can’t go from talking about mundane things like the weather and work to suddenly leaping in and kissing the girl you’re with. You need to already have flirted with each other using your body language AND your topics of conversation and comments. Don’t be crude and talk directly about sex though, unless she brings it up first. Instead, tiptoe around hot topics to create a strong sense of sexual tension.

• If you simply cannot seem to find a way from talking to a girl to kissing her, use a verbal bridge. That means overtly stating what you want to do. That’s right: you actually bring up the topic of you kissing each other. Don’t be afraid to do it. Once again, women appreciate and find your ability to be outright and spontaneous attractive. They find it a relief, because most men are so unsure of themselves it can take forever to get things rolling.

When it comes to initiating the first kiss with a girl, just remember the golden rule:

Make it seem like nothing and that’s how she’ll see it. Have faith in the rapport and sexual chemistry you’ve so far established with her. And be overt and blatant about the idea of kissing each other if going in unannounced isn’t your style.

If you’re upbeat, unembarrassed and confident about the whole thing, she’ll be bowled over and only too happy to kiss you again and again and again.

There’s no doubt about it: finishing a good conversation with a woman by asking for her number or arranging another meet-up with her can be tricky…very tricky.

In fact, it’s quite possibly the biggest stumbling block men have when it comes to attracting the opposite sex.

It’s the point in the conversation when everything seems to go out of the window.

They don’t know whether to say outright what they want, or to try and be ‘subtle’ about it.

They don’t know if the girl will slap them or hug them. It’s hard—but only when you don’t know what the rules are for closing.

Closing is the final stage in a conversation you have with a woman. It’s the point at which you need to arrange something or swap contact information.

Here are some solid tips and pieces of advice to help you close in style, quickly and risk-free.

Tip #1: It shouldn’t be a shock to the girl. It should instead feel like the natural, obvious and mutually-desired outcome to what has been a fun, flirtatious, exciting social interaction.

Tip #2: Be bold and outright. Don’t skirt around the subject of you both seeing each other again. Be enthusiastic, because enthusiasm is contagious. If you’re passionate about the idea of seeing each other again, she’ll be passionate about the idea too. Women spend years hoping for just that kind of mutually enjoyed sexual chemistry.

Tip #3: Avoid the clichéd method of closing so many men use at the end of their conversations with women. You need to dodge these because they’ve become too closely associated with the idea of men controlling women, which isn’t what you’re about. Clichéd closes include things like asking for a girl’s number. A better closer than this one is to SWAP numbers. As well as avoiding the cliché, by swapping contact details you also maintain the balance of power between the two of you. Only getting her cell phone number would be giving her all of the control. Women, as you know, don’t find men who aren’t in some sort of control of them attractive.

Tip #4: Don’t beat about the bush or be indecisive. Instead of saying,

“How about we do something sometime?” be specific. Suggest exactly what it is you could do and when. Here’s why you should do this.

It relates to a universal aspect of the human decision making process. Imagine asking a child what they want to eat for their dinner. Unless they have a favorite dish, it’s pretty likely they won’t give you a straight answer. Even if they do reply with a specific answer, there’s a strong likelihood it won’t be the one you’re looking for. Now imagine saying to a kid,

“Do you want spaghetti or pizza for your dinner?”

By limiting their options you make them choose between two choices, both of which are fine by you. When you suggest to a girl you go see a movie, you make her think about that specific event. Even if she doesn’t want to do exactly that, the fact is that you’ve made her think about doing SOMETHING with you, as opposed to nothing – which is what would have come to mind, or not, as the case happens to be, if you had been too broad and non-specific in your suggestion.

When you’re bold and direct with your closer, women tend to respond quickly and positively. You’ve done the hard work for them and they love that fact.