Black Belt Seduction Blog: How to pick-up, attract and seduce women

The only way to meet attractive girls is to actually go out and talk to them. This may sound easy, but for a lot of men, it is nearly impossible to rack up enough confidence to approach a woman he thinks is really hot. Just look around you. How many average Joe’s do you see hanging out with supermodels?

And yet for some men, talking and getting the interest of gorgeous women seem to come naturally. These are your players. They may not be the most good looking, or the richest man in the room, but they possess a certain something, an x-factor if you will, that seems to act like a magnet and attract beautiful women to them effortlessly.

So what’s the secret of these players that allows them to overcome the shyness that paralyzes the average man? This is what this article “How: Overcome Shyness Around Women” will reveal to you.

The first secret is that it all starts in the mind. How we perceive ourselves and our surroundings influences how we act around other people. That’s how powerful belief systems can be. The truth is every man has the potential to be a confident ladies’ man - even the balding, fat guy sitting at the back row. If we believe ourselves to be handsome and charming and to be great around women, then it’s very likely that we will be more confident around them.

If you want to build a positive image of yourself and your charm, you can start by verbalizing it. Often, the more we say it, the more we believe it.

Next, create positive interactions with women to prove to show yourself that you are indeed someone women will find attractive.  You can choose to start small. Start by making eye contact and sharing warm smiles with women that you run into. Next, you probably could offer to open doors or carry heavy objects for women or maybe offer a seat. You may not know it, but these acts of chivalry are things women find flattering. You’ll surely receive warm smiles and a blushing thanks as a reward for your efforts.

Once you see that you really are charming and your really are someone women find attractive, you’ll be more confident around women.

The second thing is to pay attention to how we present ourselves to the world. This is another thing that affects how we view ourselves and how we are perceived by women. Whether we like it or not, we are judged by our appearance - maybe not consciously, but we cannot deny that it influences the first impressions people make of us. We all know that women decide they’re interested in us or not in the first few seconds of meeting us, so you can bet that a lot of that decision happens unconsciously.

What does our appearance tell women unconsciously? Well, for one, it says a lot about our health. If we are attracted to mates who can give our offspring the best chance of survival, then it makes sense that women will want the fittest and healthiest among the available males.

Another thing that our appearances communicate is our social structure. Again, in line with the survival of the fittest theory, the man who has a better chance of survival is one to whom a lot of resources is available, the acknowledged social leader. This is the alpha male.

So be sure to pay attention to how you look.  Like I mentioned earlier, you don’t have to be a male supermodel to pull this off. It’s primarily about observing proper hygiene, wearing clothes that fit well and that show a bit of your personality.

The last secret that I want to share with you in this article has to do with your personality. We all enjoy being around people who love life - people who are interested in something (which may just be one thing or a lot of things) and pursue this interest passionately. And if you want to be successful around women, then this is something you need to cultivate in yourself.

A lot of things happen when you are passionate about something. For one, it distinguishes you from other men who are vying for the attention of gorgeous women. You are not just a pretty face. You are someone who cares about something.

Another thing that it does is it gives you something that you can talk about and share that will come across as sincere (and not just something you put on for show to make women fall for you). This could also be something she’ll look to you for. You’re an expert at something. And in the world of that something, you are an alpha male as a result of your passionate interest.

This third secret is a bit harder to master than the first two, because it’s something that’s very hard to fabricate. What you need to do is discover what it is you love - what it is you are passionate about. And in order to do this, you need to broaden your horizon, step out of your comfort zone, and explore the world around you. The journey promises to be a rewarding one, so I hope you elect to take it.

The New Year is generally a time for making resolutions. If you’re ready to head in a direction that will guarantee you more girls, then listen up. Here are 5 SURE and EASY resolutions you should keep to make yourself attractive to girls!

1. Get your hair styled and your nails cleaned.

It may seem superficial to start off the year worrying about your looks. But if you are out to get girls to notice you, then there is nothing more important than making sure you look hot. Whether we like it or not, our appearance is the first thing that women notice about us. If we look clean and put together, we’d look like somebody most women want to date - and that pushes our social value higher.

Getting your hair styled by a top stylist (who knows what he’s doing) can be pricey. What you can do is have your hair styled by a senior stylist once and then go to a junior stylist for your regular maintenance cut. Even if your cut now is ok, getting it styled anew can help you stay current.

Now, when you go and get your hair styled, be sure to also have your nails cleaned. There is nothing that will turn women off than long and dirty fingernails and toenails. This year, make it habit to have these done once a month. That will make sure you’re ready to meet hot women all year long.

2. Practice good hygiene.

Not only will this benefit your appearance, but it will also help you stay healthy. I’m not talking about being obsessive about keeping clean - which in itself can turn off a lot of women. I’m talking about using deodorants and mouth wash and taking a shower before meeting someone.

These basic hygiene habits can affect your confidence a lot. I mean, if you don’t have to worry about B.O. and bad breath, wouldn’t that help you approach women more readily? This year, be sure to pay more attention to your oral and overall body hygiene.

3. If you have any skin problems, DEAL WITH IT LIKE A MAN!

Ignoring that skin problem will not solve it. And the worse part is, the longer you ignore it, the worse it will get. You know what I’m talking about - acne, dandruff, that itchy rash that never seems to go away. All of these things affect your confidence level. And we all know that women perceive bad skin as signs of bad hygiene and low social status.

This year, make it your priority to rid yourself of these confidence zappers. Just one visit to a dermatologist is all it takes to find out how to get rid of your skin problems once and for all.

4. Employ sincere flattery.

If you haven’t done so before, then you better start being generous with compliments especially around women. Avoid the obviously patronizing ones. Instead give sincere compliments on things women like being complimented on, and by this I mean things that will show them you are paying attention to them.

Telling them they look awesome is standard. Take this up a notch by noticing something new on them and tell them how great it looks on them - for example a new pair of earrings, or a new way of fixing their hair. To get them really talking, say something like “I don’t know what it is, but you look sort of different today… prettier, more confident. Did you make any changes recently?” You’d be surprised how women will naturally open up to this line.

5. Socialize More.

This year, make it a point to go out more often and to try new places to hang out in. It’s great to have a regular place you and your buds go to, but in order to meet a wide variety of interesting girls, it pays to be more adventurous in your choice of venue.

You don’t have to limit yourself to bars or to parties. You can attend gallery exhibits, watch a concert or a play, sign up for classes. Not only will these give you a wider female audience to unleash your charm on, but you also widen your social interests, which will make you smarter in conversations and a more interesting guy overall.

Make 2010 your year to be attractive to girls! Just apply these tips and you can look forward to a happier and brighter new year!

Good looks is important when attracting girls. But even good looks can only get you so far. In reality, there are plenty more traits women admire in men that are more important than good looks. Money helps, but that’s not what I’m talking about either.

These two - money and good looks – are usually the root of shyness in most guys.  They think that they are not rich enough or handsome enough to date gorgeous women. Popular media seems to support this opinion, and that’s why a lot of us are misled into thinking that unless you have Greek handsome features and Trump fortune, supermodels are just out of your league.

But then, look at the people around you – you see gorgeous girls dating men who are handsome and not so handsome, guys who drive Audis and Jaguars and the middle class guys who take the subway. What’s the common denominator that makes these men so successful with women regardless of their actual wealth and looks?

In this article, I’ll share with you the secret to getting sexy, smart and popular girls to like you. Here are the 3 secret ways guys can attract girls using traits that all women find sexy and irresistible in men.

1.       Confidence

If there’s one secret that will have a drastic effect on your dating life, it’s this: It’s not the money or the good looks that make rich and handsome guys attractive to women, but rather it’s the attitude, the air of certainty that they exude that makes them irresistible to women.

Why is this secret so powerful? Once you realize it’s all about confidence, then you’ll know exactly that what you need to build on is your attitude. You need to believe in your ability to attract women, to enjoy yourself when you’re with attractive women, to focus on the fact that women need your acknowledgement and approval more than you need theirs.

Confidence is a very potent weapon that guys can use in attracting girls. But how do you show confidence if you’re not that confident? Like anything else, it takes practice. You have to fake it till you make it. You have to ignore and bury the apprehension until they’re truly gone.

Be careful not to overdo it though – what women want is confidence, not arrogance.

2.       Eye Contact

Establishing eye contact is a sign of confidence. It’s also a way to communicate attitude, desire and emotion non-verbally. Once mastered, it’s a very effective tool for flattering women, teasing them, flirting, showing your dominance, establishing your sincerity and credibility and more.

Here are some eye contact techniques you can use and what they mean:

a.       Intent gaze from a distance – looking at a woman intently, and not looking away even when she sees you can be very sexy. It tells the woman that you desire her and that you are confident that you will prevail.

b.      Keeping eye contact during a conversation – this tells the woman that you are interested in what she’s saying and that you are listening to her. It is important to have this so that you will be perceived as honest and sincere.

c.       Breaking eye contact – done right, breaking eye contact during a conversation can be a sign of confidence and dominance.  It tells the woman that you are not afraid of offending her and in fact, she should be working even harder in impressing you so that you can reward her with your attention.

3.       Social Skills

One way of establishing dominance to let her see that you are dominant in most of your other social relationships.  If she sees that you’re comfortable, well-liked and even admired by peers or even people she considers her “social superiors”, then she’s likely to want to impress you.

This is also why in the early stages of getting to know a girl, you don’t want to just hang out with her the entire time that you are together. That will make it seem like you are clingy and desperate for her affection – which is a real turn off.

Instead, what you want to do is spend about 40% of your time talking to other people or introducing other people into your conversation with your girl. Go ahead and talk to other men and women – yes, even the gorgeous ones. Just remember to keep those conversations light and pleasant – absolutely no flirting with another girl.

Having a great conversation is the best way to get a girl to like you. Not only will she think that you’re smart and funny, but she will also think that the two of you have chemistry – that you are mentally, socially and sexually compatible just because you were able to keep a conversation flowing. That’s the power of a fantastic conversation.

On the other hand, a terrible conversation is devastating to your chances of ever dating the girl that you like. So, pay attention, gentlemen! Here are some ideas on how to talk with girls so that you’ll get the response that you want – which is to get her to like you romantically:

1.      Be spontaneous – Even if you have prepared the topics that you are going to talk about and memorized every detail, data and statistic on those topics, you need to be able deliver your messages in a spontaneous and fun way. Plan, but don’t plan too much that you’ll get flustered if the conversation goes into an area or a topic that you don’t know much about. Conversation is a two-way street and you have to be open to how your partner responds. And you need to react appropriately.

2.      Look confident – Confidence is a very potent elixir. If you appear confident (even if your knees are shaking), girls will like being around you.

3.      Talk less about yourself and more about her – You mission is to make her feel as special as much as possible. So instead of just talking about you, get her to talk about herself, what she likes, what ticks her off. Girls want to feel like you’re genuinely interested in getting to know them. So by paying attention to their opinions and views, you are actually doing something flattering.

4.      Use the right body language – True, how to talk with girls deal mainly with how you verbalize your ideas. But do you know that having the right body language can reinforce and even strengthen your appeal?  What you want to communicate here is that you are confident, relaxed, and very pleased about the situation. What you don’t want to betray is nervousness, tension and panic. So work on your habits and mannerisms to make sure you don’t give away your true state.

5.      Use eye contact. Establishing eye contact is a great way to show confidence and to let her know that you are paying attention to her. I bet you know how important it is to keep eye contact, but did you know that it’s just as important to break eye contact? Yup, you read right. Being able to break eye contact and look around (at other people and other women, too) occasionally is a sign of confidence.

6.      Get other people involved in the conversation. If you can get other people involved in your conversation with your girl a few times, it would be a great way to relieve the pressure of keeping the conversation going. At the same time, being able to pull people in will allow you to flex your social muscle and impress her with it.

7.      Talk to other people from time to time. You definitely want her to know that you are enjoying your company, but you also want to let her know that if she wants to impress you or get you to adore her, she’d have to do better to get your full attention all the time. That’s why it’s important to be able to casually cut your conversation with your girl and then talk to a different group or person. This tells her that you can have a great time on your own, that a lot of people actually enjoy talking to you. This ups your value as a potential boyfriend and effectively shifts the burden of making a good impression from you to her.

8.      Gradually increase tactility. Adding a little physical contact will only make your conversation more exciting. Introduce tactility appropriately. Teach her a dance move, thumb wrestle, “read” her palm, hug her. And when the moment is right for it, kiss her.

9.      Tease her. The last thing you want to happen is to end up in your girl’s “friends only” zone. Make it clear that you are not interested in just being friends with her. Aside from increasing tactility, another way to do this is to introduce teasing into your conversation.  

The fear of approaching women is an affliction that all men suffer. Show me a man who feels no apprehension at the thought of approaching an attractive woman and I’ll show you the descendants of a long extinct caveman.

While all men struggle with this fear, not all men are successful at overcoming it.  If you are one of these men and you are sick of going home alone when everybody else has got a hot date to the after party, here’s the 7-day crash course to help you overcome your fear of approaching women and become a confident dater.

Day 1: Reflect and conquer

First thing you have to do is to identify the root of your fear. Are you afraid of rejection, getting laughed at, making a mistake, stuttering? List absolutely everything down. Sometimes, just verbalizing our fears is enough to release the stress and become more relaxed when meeting women.

Once you’ve listed down your fears, opposite them list down ways you can defeat that fear. Some questions to think about: What’s the likelihood of them taking place? If it does take place, what’s the worse that can happen? How can you rebound? Is there long term damage?

Now that you have your list, internalize it on the first day. Review it every day until you feel that you’re much more confident.

Day 2: Go on a makeover

A lot of our hang ups about ourselves stem from our insecurities on the way we look. We may think that we are too fat, too scrawny, too ugly, too geeky, too uninteresting, etc. Let us address these concerns to boost our confidence.

Admittedly, some of them require long term solutions like diet and exercise. On the short term, you can make yourself look better by improving your hair and your clothes. Your look and your confidence can definitely benefit from some quick and easy changes to your appearance. Devote day 2 to creating your new and improved look.

Day 3: Conditioning Exercise: Flash a Smile

The next thing you do is slowly condition yourself to get used to interacting with women you don’t know. What you do is choose a place where there are a lot of women - like in a park or in a supermarket. Whenever you see a woman, I want you to smile. Flash a genuine, friendly smile and see women smile back at you. You may choose women who do not scare you - non threatening women - to get you used to smiling at women.

Day 4: Conditioning Exercise: Smile at Attractive Women

Now that you’re pretty used to smiling at women who do not intimidate you, you can start smiling at women whom you find attractive. Once again, choose a venue where there are lots of women. And then initially, alternate smiling at non threatening women and attractive women. Do this until you are able to smile at attractive women easily.

Day 5: Conditioning Exercise: Chat

Next step is to become comfortable chatting to women. Again, choose a venue where there are lots of women and do this only with women whom you are not sexually attracted to. Smile, walk up to them and chat with them. You can do this by asking them a question or giving a general comment. The objective of this exercise is to get you used to smiling, approaching and starting a conversation with strangers who happen to be women.

Day 6: Conditioning Exercise: Chat with Attractive Women

Day 6 is a repeat of yesterday’s exercise, only this time instead of non-threatening women, you’re going to approach attractive women. You may start by alternating non-threatening and attractive women until you can chat exclusively with attractive women. Progress by having longer and longer chats as you move along your targets.

Day 7: Social Venues

By now, you’ve smiled and talked to probably a hundred women and tens of attractive women. You are used to approaching women you don’t know and striking a conversation with them. You’re now ready to test your new skills at a more social venue like a party or a club. Remember, you can warm up with women you aren’t attracted to and then afterwards approach the women you want to attract.

It’s no secret that men fantasize about dating very sexy women. If you go to any bachelor’s room, the evidence is overwhelming. Desktop background, screen savers, video downloads, the music he listens to, the movie he watches - evidence of is obsession with gorgeous women is everywhere. And yet, if we were to describe the ratio of men who are obsessed with gorgeous women to men who actually date them, it would be a grossly inverse relationship - and this is not due to a lack of pretty women.

It’s practically a fact: average guys don’t end up dating girls who they consider way too beautiful. Guys rate women and for a majority of men, women who are 9s and 10s are too out of their league to even try for. Average guys “settle” for average girls. To understand why, here are 8 reasons why men tend to avoid dating women who are very attractive:

1.       Fear of rejection. Girls who are very attractive are thought to be hunk magnets. Since they’re approached so often by so many guys, it’s much easier for them to reject guys. Hence, it’s the chances of a guy getting rejected within seconds of approaching a girl is doubled, even tripled when the girl is super attractive.

2.       Fear of being exposed. Since the very pretty girls are approached so often by men who want to date them, they become quite familiar with the various styles and techniques that men use to attract women. This familiarity means she’s probably familiar with the moves an average guy might spring on her, rendering his chances of success close to nil.

3.       Excessive shyness. Some men are just shy around women. And the prettier the women, or the more of them there are to interact with, the more his shyness intensifies.

4.       Low self esteem. Like attracts like. Following this logic, very pretty women deserve and probably expect to be with a very hunky guy. Average guys view themselves as average, which means not good looking enough, not rich enough, not tall enough, not good enough for a super attractive female.

5.       Procrastination. The odds of an average guy dating a foxy lady seem like an overwhelming 10 million to 1. With odds like that, why even bother trying?

6.       Clueless on what to do and say. Very pretty ladies also appear to be very sophisticated and adept at playing the seduction game. What can you say or do to impress someone who probably has seen and heard every tactic known to man?

7.       Performance anxiety. Well, these average guys are not used to talking to hot, sexy ladies. This makes them anxious when interacting with them.

8.       Fear of embarrassment. Nobody wants to make a fool of themselves, especially so in front of someone they find very attractive. Sometimes, the threat of embarrassment is so real that it cowers men from considering other, more likely possibilities.