Black Belt Seduction Blog: How to pick-up, attract and seduce women

Why do most men think they can’t date supermodels, or so-called ‘10s’, or just really hot women who have really great personalities? It’s because men think they aren’t what those women want.

To date supermodels (or whatever kind of woman you currently feel is out of your reach) you need to change your behavior in such a way that it becomes attractive to those women. To change you behavior in the right way, though, you need to free your mind by removing the feelings of inadequacy that are at the moment stopping you from having the success you want. And…to free your mind in that necessary way, you need to GET RID OF ‘too syndrome’.

Every man and woman I have ever met has suffered from ‘too syndrome’ to some degree or another. You suffer from it as well. So do I. Here is what ‘too syndrome’ is.

I am TOO…

• Fat
• Thin
• Bald
• Pale
• Poor
• Inexperienced
• Ugly
• Tall
• Short
• Friendless
• Shy

…to attract that woman.

There’s a billion too’s. Name your own right now. What are you ‘too’ to attract your dream woman? Go on. What holds you back? What do you hate about your physical appearance in particular? Check out this diagram.

That center line is the ideal example of whatever is in a circle to its left or its right. Your chest for example, how close to perfect do you consider it to be? The further away from the kind of chest you’d most like to have to attract your perfect woman it is, the further away from that red line it is and, therefore, the more it will negatively affect your ability to actually attract a woman. The blue circles are things to do with physical appearance (the biggest source of Too’s), the yellow ones are other things, like confidence, wealth, size of social circle, etc.

If you want to stand a real chance of attracting your idea of a ‘10’, you need to get rid of TOO in your mind as much as you can. You have to realize the following:

• A red line (an ideal) DOES exist, because if it didn’t, why would most people want the same damn thing? Why would most guys want to look well-built or muscled? Why would women want to look slim and not fat? The lines are all there because we all know what we want to look like and be like.

• The struggle we all go through is wanting to be as close to the ideal line as we can, because we think (sometimes correctly) that the closer we are to the line, the more success we’ll have with the opposite sex.

• People want to be on or really close to the line in all of their different areas (hair, face, body, sense of humor, self-confidence, etc.) so they can be the person they think they need to be to attract their perfect partner. However, what they don’t realize is that you can bypass most of what is achieved by getting close to the ideal line by changing your behavior. You don’t need to complete the journey towards the line in all areas before you can do what is necessary to become attractive enough to start dating your perfect partner.

• Does that mean working out your body, improving your dress sense and going to a good hairdresser won’t improve your success with women? No. All of those things will help, because they’ll take you closer to the commonly accepted ideal line, which women know about just as much as men. BUT, you MUST know that people make the journey towards that line their main focus in life. They always think about the line and how far away they are from it. They neglect to consider the possibility that they don’t need to be near or on the line in all areas to be ridiculously successful with really attractive, great women. Women have their own lines and their own too’s—they don’t have the time or the inclination to care a lot about yours.

Once you truly understand the fact that we all have an idea of what we want to be like to make ourselves attractive, and that we are all attempting to get closer to our ideal lines (or wishing we somehow could), you will realize how much ‘too’s’ distract us from better pursuits. Instead of dedicating most of our thought to our too’s and their ideal lines, we should dedicate most of our time to adjusting modes of behavior which are too shy, unconfident, boring, or whatever. Modes of behavior are the true deciders of sexual attractiveness and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Get rid of those too’s and the others, the blue and the yellow ones, will slot themselves into perspective. Success will follow.

It’s a rare thing when a man approaches a woman, talks to her, attracts her and gets her phone number (or closes in some other equally successful way). It’s rare not because it’s impossible or because only a few men in the world can do it, it’s rare because most men fear the idea of doing it so much. The fear stops them from giving it a shot, so, naturally, they stand no chance at actually attracting a woman. You need to approach a woman before you can talk to her, and you need to talk to a woman before you can attract her. It’s a linear process that cannot be tackled in any other way than in one specific order.

So what’s a guy supposed to do? How can YOU bypass your fear of approaching women, so that you’re able to flex your attraction muscles and see some seduction results? Well, you first need to make sure you don’t do any of the following:

#1: Liquid Courage = Liquid Failure

As well as lessening your inhibitions and lowering your overall feelings of anxiety, booze also clouds your senses. When you’re drunk, you become much less able to accurately calibrate where you stand with a woman. Saying or doing the wrong thing becomes easy and saying or doing the right thing in the wrong way becomes equally effortless. If you HAVE to drink to muster up some balls when out in the field, only have one or two bottles or singles. The best way to get good at approaching women is to throw yourself in at the deep end, which means going in stone cold sober—but maybe you’ll want to hit a middle-ground before you get to that stage.

#2: Limiting Your Commitment

Plenty of guys approach women with LIMITED commitment. They do this as a safety precaution. Limited commitment means only showing limited emotion. They try to act super cool and laid back. They’ll be TOO casual when they open. Their facial expressions will give nothing away, their body language will be negative, their vocal tonality will be neutral and boring. It’s like they’re expending the minimum amount of effort—enough to open the conversation, but not too much to risk losing face or feeling embarrassed if the conversation doesn’t hook and go well. Clearly this is a losing strategy. Without enthusiasm and high energy, your openers will fall flat. No woman wants to talk to a NEW man if he’s got nothing to offer in the way of energy and excitement. You don’t want to bound in there like Tigger either—but, that said, you DO want to exhibit enough social vibrancy and positive emotion to make an impression and get the girls interested in being around you and interacting with you.

Now let’s look at what you SHOULD do when you approach a woman or group of people containing women. These tips should help lessen the anxiety you feel and thereby increase the successfulness of the interactions you have after the approach and opener happen.

#1: Know What You’re Going to Say

Don’t go in unprepared. Make sure you know not just what you’re going to say, but also the words you’re going to use to say it. For example, a guy might think “My opener will be asking the girls about whether a guy should use an umbrella.” He strolls in without knowing exactly what to say and mumbles, “Oh, hey. Erm, I have a question. Okay, so, well, do you think that it’s good or bad, or, you know, what do you think a guy should do, carry an umbrella or not carry an umbrella…you know…when it’s raining?” Before this sentence is over, the girls would already be in rejection mode. Instead, the opener should be prepared in a neater, more succinct way, like this: “Hey, quick random question. Do you girls think that it’s gay for a guy to carry an umbrella?” Delivered confidently, clearly and not too hurriedly…this opener is a winner. They’ll either think YES or NO—and that’s what you need to create controversy, because you can disagree with either position and carry on the conversation on that basis.

#2: Deliver the Opener in the Right Way

You need to commit to the approach and opener. Don’t mumble it as you walk past. Walk decisively up to the group, catch the moment when you can start speaking, speak loudly and clearly while keeping strong eye contact. It’s okay to smile a little—it creates intrigue.

#3: Be Ready for the Follow-Up

All openers get past the first stage, which is you asking and them responding. The trouble comes after they answer. The interaction is sort of complete after they answer, because you asked a question and they responded. End of, right? Wrong. You need to keep the interaction going, so be prepared to follow-up on their answer(s). If you’ve given a yes or no question, be prepared for either eventuality. Create a divide within the group if people have different answers. Keep it quick and lively—don’t make it a deep discussion.

#4: Transition into Normal Conversation

You can only talk about your opening topic for so long, before it becomes stale and old. You need to take the first opportunity to merge into normal conversation. Once the vibe has been set and you’ve been at least partially accepted into the group, you can say, “We’ve not introduced ourselves yet. I’m Rob and you are…” then you go around the group, get names, ask how they know each other, then move to a new, fun topic. Bring one of your friends in at some point to balance things out and give you the opportunity to narrow down who you’re talking to to one or two girls only.

A guy can be the most charming and charismatic man while talking to a checkout girl in the daytime, but turn into the nerdiest, most nervous boy in a 2 mile radius when he enters a dark, loud nightclub. That is because nightclubs are different to other places when it comes to the way men and women interact with one another. The same rules of attraction apply in ALL places, but in nightclubs, those rules become harsher and often more difficult to live by. In this article we’re going to look at one of the fundamental things you need to know and do when you’re in a club and in pick up artist mode. In other words, when you’re in a nightclub and looking to talk to and charm a woman into feeling sexually attracted to you and emotionally attracted to the idea of spending a lot more time with you—including one-on-one time.

Talking to women with the intention, or hope, of attracting them, is intimidating…no doubt about it. Even when you’re a seasoned pro it can be a daunting. As such, it makes a lot of sense to reduce or remove any additional causes of anxiety and nervousness as possible. One of the biggest contributors to a guy’s nerves and levels of social anxiety is actually nothing to do with women, it’s to do with the environment which those women—and the man—inhabit together. In other, much simpler words: the nightclubs themselves are a big source of social discomfort for many men. They unnerve them, they put them off their balance. How is any guy supposed to operate at his most smooth and charismatic level when he is plonked in an environment which is unfamiliar and intimidating to him? With great effort and difficulty. The answer to this dilemma is to know your environment before using it to meet women.

- You must become extremely at home in at least one good nightclub near where you live. It must be a nightclub you can visit frequently and of a large enough size to guarantee that there will always be lots of new people/women every time you go there (this reduces the chance of you being noticed as a guy who’s always ‘hitting on’ the women there).

- Don’t visit the nightclub infrequently. You need to make it your base—a place you know inside out. Go there at LEAST once a week starting today and only ending when you have had considerable success with women there.

- Go at different times of the night. Go when it’s only just opened the doors, to when it’s kicking out time. You want to see it in all conditions and at all capacities.

- Learn the layout like the back of your hand. Know where the bathrooms are, where the DJ and speakers are, where the entrance is (i.e. where new groups enter the club), where the exits are (for when you leave, hopefully with one more person than when you arrived). Get as familiar with the club layout as you are with your home or office.

- Get used to the way people congregate within the club. Where do groups tend to sit and stand? Are there any patterns you can notice? Do the higher value groups tend to populate certain areas of the club over others?

- Become comfortable moving and navigating your way through the club. Walking from a seating area to the bar should be effortless for you. You know if it’s better to cut across the dance floor or go around.

Once you have made at least one club your second home, you will feel infinitely more comfortable and confident when you’re in it, no matter what day of the week it is or what time of night you arrive. You’ll know what music they’re likely to play and what drink promotions they have. Now think how much easier it is to mingle and meet people within this second home. THEY are the ones who are strangers in this place—at least relative to you. Another great reason to become ‘one’ with a nightclub is because by doing so you can develop a presence there, i.e. gain social value. If the bar staff know you, you have higher social value when you and a woman go to the bar, etc.

So…know your environment, know your game and you’ll know that success is just a couple of interactions away.

Here’s how to totally eradicate your fear of walking up to a woman you’re attracted to and talking to her…

Literally walking up to or otherwise getting close to a girl or group of girls and beginning a conversation with them can be extremely daunting and even scary for a guy—even if he’s usually confident and self-assured.

Approaching a girl or group in this way is simply known as ‘opening’ and it is one of the biggest fears and obstacles guys have trouble with when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex with the goal of attracting them in mind. It’s not hard to see why.

Approaching and opening involves quite a large investment of effort on your part and seems, at first glance, to come with a fair amount of risk associated with it.

Let’s first look at the reasons men have trouble confidently approaching and opening. Then we’ll look at how you can bypass your approach anxiety and thereby open successfully whenever and wherever you choose to do so.

The mains reasons men fear the approach are:

• They’re scared of immediately getting shot down, rejected and made a fool of by the girl they start a conversation with

• They think that the girl will immediately think that they’re trying to pick them up and seduce them and will therefore be extremely unenthusiastic about the idea of having anything like a normal, fun conversation with them

• Because of their insecurities, guys worry that a few minutes into the conversation with a girl, they’ll lose their initial feeling of confidence and slowly begin to unravel and lose it

• Men know that a successful pick-up involves more than just approaching and opening and therefore look ahead to the other stages of seduction and worry about them. They think how hard the conversation will be to maintain, for example, and how tricky it will be to close at the end of the chat and get a good result from it, like the girl’s phone number or a date with her

• They ponder over what guys who are already in the vicinity of the girl they’re interested in will think when they approach and get talking to her. ‘Will they see that I’m trying to pick-up the girl and try to thwart my attempt?’

There are other reasons guys fear the approach, but the remaining ones I haven’t listed fall into similar categories to the ones you’ve just read. They mainly relate to fears of being laughed at by the girl or otherwise rejected.

The first thing you need to do to conquer any fear of approaching you may have, is read, contemplate and truly understand and believe the following two concepts:

1. It’s vitally important that you forget about the goal of attracting women when you’re out on a daily basis. When you make the mistake of mainly thinking about the end goal in this way, you overload your brain with a mass of obstacles, problems and difficulties. Put simply, you cast your attention too far into the future and by doing so make things seem harder and more impossible than they really ever should be.

Instead, you should always concentrate on the sub-stages of attraction – the smaller steps and not the larger ones further down the line. So when you’re approaching women, DO NOT actively think about how you’re going to finally get her number or what you’re going to talk about in an hour’s time. Let your interactions with women take on an organic, free-flowing nature.

2. “How am I supposed to not think about the actual conversation, when it’s going to follow only moments after my opener? And how am I supposed to keep my mind off the problem of closing, when that’s the only thing that’s going to make my interactions with women truly successful?” The answer is: have faith in yourself. If you’re able to have a fun, lively conversation with one of your male friends, then you can do the same with an attractive woman. You just need to be laid back and unconcerned with what the outcome of your conversation will be.

Once you’ve completely taken on board the two concepts above, read over the following quick rules of thumb. Remembering and trusting in them will really help you approach and start talking to women confidently and effectively:

• The realistic worst-case scenario of an approach will never, ever be as bad as you might imagine. If a girl simply doesn’t seem to want to talk to you, that’s fine. You’re free to simply move on and talk to someone else. Her loss. Stay friendly and sociable and it will be the girls who don’t want to talk to you who will come off badly and seem frosty and unfriendly.

• When you approach, only have the following at the forefront of your mind: I’m going to start and maintain a fun and interesting conversation with this girl. By thinking along these lines, you take out all of the sleaze of the interaction and the girls you talk to will sense this and like it.

• Women have no problem talking to guys they don’t know if those guys are friendly, confident and interesting. You ARE all three of these things, so don’t worry about girls not wanting to chat to you because they’re uninterested in the idea of getting to know you.

• Girls, the vast majority of the time, don’t do the approaching. They don’t make the first move. This is the case because they don’t need to – they know men will do it. This is one aspect of social life between the sexes in which women have the lion’s share of the power over men. But don’t let that be a negative thing. Instead, remember this fact: because women leave the approaching and opening to men, when it happens in a positive and attractive way, they EMBRACE and enjoy it. Women dig it when guys approach them and bowl them over with their charisma, charm, confidence and humor. You’ve only got to watch a couple of chick flicks to see evidence of this fact.

Nightclubs can be crazy places. They’re busy, they’re loud…all kinds of stuff is going on. The nightclub environment can present a guy looking to meet new women with some significant obstacles, not least being heard above the thumping music. But that problem isn’t too hard to bypass. Usually you can just shout and move in a little closer to the people you’re talking to—although you shouldn’t lean in too much. A tougher problem is how difficult it can be to catch the attention of a woman or group of people and keep it for more than 30 seconds. More than anywhere else, people in nightclubs have SHORT attention spans. There’s so much going on, so many people around, that if you aren’t the most interesting person in the vicinity, then you’re going to get quickly overlooked. This is often a lesson men only learn when they actually get out there into clubs and start making some approaches. They think their main problems will be what they say and how they should say it, but in reality, most of the time they’ll find that their main concern is winning the opportunity to say ANYTHING in ANY WAY. Groups in clubs are different. A group consisting of only women is much harder to catch and keep the attention of than a group containing men and women. And the more attractive and sought after the women in a group are, especially if there are only women in the group, the harder it is to work with them. So, does this mean that you can’t approach and talk to women in clubs? No. No it doesn’t. But it DOES mean that you need to focus on having high energy and good guidance skills when you’re making approaches in clubs. Here’s what that means.

High Energy

Nightclubs have energy rippling through the air—they’re full of it. And it’s not just any kind of energy, it’s HIGH energy, pure and simple. Everybody is buzzing, talking, laughing, joking. So, if YOU aren’t full of high energy too, you’re going to stand out, but not in a good way. You’ll be seen as an energy black hole. You suck energy out of other people. Girls don’t want to be around a guy with low energy because it takes a lot of work to keep conversation flowing when you have to interact with a low energy person. And just to clarify, by ‘energy’, I mean how lively, enthusiastic, animated, aware and spontaneous you are. You MUST possess high energy when you approach groups in clubs, or you’ll be ejected from them pretty much instantly. Go in with a loud voice so you are heard, smile and keep strong eye contact. Present your opener in a clear way with brevity in mind. Remember that their collective attention span is short. It’s like you’re screening a short TV commercial: give them the core message and package it nicely. Shoot it their way quickly and be ready for their responses.

Proper Guidance

Once you’ve got the high energy you need in place, you need to focus on having very strong guidance skills. In other words, you need to be good at pretty much telling people what to do. I don’t mean that in a bossy sense. What I mean is that you need to be able to not just suggest that someone does something, but actually help them to do it as much as possible. For example, you want to play a hand game with one of the women (like Thumb Wars). Improper guidance would be saying, “Shall we play a game?” Dong. That’s wrong. Proper guidance would be saying, “Put out your hand like this. Okay, we’re going to have a thumb war. Go!” Ding. That’s right. On paper that might sound rather an aggressive approach to encouraging people, but in a nightclub, it’s totally normal. In fact, it’s totally approved of. That’s what you need to do to get things done. If you want to dance with a woman, don’t say “Shall we dance?” say “Let’s see what kind of moves you’ve got…” and lead her by the hand to the dance floor. Again, on paper that might sound corny because it’s so straightforward, but in a club, it’s perfect. It’s the kind of dialogue you need to get used to using if you want your approaches and conversations with women in clubs to go perfectly.