Black Belt Seduction Blog: How to pick-up, attract and seduce women

When you are in the getting-to-know-each-other stage, it can be difficult to find enough topics to keep the conversation flowing. This is because you don’t know enough about each other yet and often you are unsure about how far you can go on a certain topic without putting her off or offending her.

At this early stage, your goal is two fold: First, you want to get to know her better and find out if she really is your type. Second, you want to make a good impression on her. You want her to like you back and to find you attractive as well.

A rule of thumb when it comes to these types of conversations is to remember to talk to her about the things she likes - and not just the things that you like or topics that you are comfortable with. Don’t hog the conversation or talk about yourself and your interests. Apart from appearing conceited, you also miss out on the opportunity to gather information about her that will allow you to impress her even more.

That said, it doesn’t mean that you go the other extreme and never talk about yourself your interest at all. This is just as bad as appearing conceited, because you lose out on the chance to show her what a great, smart and funny guy you are!

The key is to strike a balance, to have both of you participating and sharing in the conversation. If she’s happy to talk about her interests and share her views, let her. But if she’s the type who’s a bit reserved, someone who likes to listen, then be sure to pack enough stories to engage her interest.

So if you’re looking for ideas, here are some topics on what to talk to girls about during your first few meetings. These topics are great to use as starting points to any conversation, because they’re neutral, and they’re easy to navigate to pursue other, more interesting topics.

1.      The weather. Don’t laugh! It may sound mundane, but really, the weather as a topic has a rich potential as a springboard to other topics. For example, while talking about the weather, you can move the conversation to how she chose her outfit to get to work that morning, or how it affected the mode of transportation she used, the amount of traffic on the street, the weather in places she’s travelled to, food cravings that are weather dependent, or activities that are great to do when the weather is a specific way. I could go on and on, and so can you.

2.      Work. The amount of time we spend at work means a large part of who we are is defined by what we do. Talking about work will allow you to see where her passions are. At the same time, talking about work will also allow her to see how talented you are. It adds to your value as boyfriend material to know that you’re a well regarded expert in a certain field. Keep in mind that we’re not talking about how much you’re earning. Even if you don’t earn much (not that I’d advise you to talk about how much each of you are making), as long as you show confidence, passion and expertise, it’s enough to make her think highly of you.

3.      A topic that you’re an expert at. And speaking of expertise, when faced with a lull in the conversation, it’ll be good for you to share a story about something that you’re truly an expert at. It doesn’t have to be work related – it could be about a hobby that you enjoy, an interesting piece of news you read that morning, an opinion about something somewhat controversial, a trivia that really amazed you, a new “it” gadget you’re lusting after – it could be about anything, really, as long as it’s something you know inside out. You don’t want to be caught with an “I’m not really sure…” when she asks you more about it.  

4.      Media – TV, music, movie, site, etc. Popular media is a great starting point to find out more about her other interests. A popular movie, what’s playing on her ipod, where her fave artists or bands are playing, or the blogs that she’s following – these are all topics that you can talk on and on about.

5.       Food. Food is a great topic because it can be controversial when you need it to be, and it can also be safe and fun. Everyone is always on a diet – even the no-diet diet is a diet. People love to talk and share interesting food finds. It could also be a pre-curser to a conversation on where you’ll go on your next dinner rendezvous.

The secret to making a conversation flow? Read and share! Read as often as you can on topics that you find interesting. And then practice sharing what you know with other people. That’s the best way to always have a roster of interesting topics to help you decide what to talk to girls about.

Having a great conversation is the best way to get a girl to like you. Not only will she think that you’re smart and funny, but she will also think that the two of you have chemistry – that you are mentally, socially and sexually compatible just because you were able to keep a conversation flowing. That’s the power of a fantastic conversation.

On the other hand, a terrible conversation is devastating to your chances of ever dating the girl that you like. So, pay attention, gentlemen! Here are some ideas on how to talk with girls so that you’ll get the response that you want – which is to get her to like you romantically:

1.      Be spontaneous – Even if you have prepared the topics that you are going to talk about and memorized every detail, data and statistic on those topics, you need to be able deliver your messages in a spontaneous and fun way. Plan, but don’t plan too much that you’ll get flustered if the conversation goes into an area or a topic that you don’t know much about. Conversation is a two-way street and you have to be open to how your partner responds. And you need to react appropriately.

2.      Look confident – Confidence is a very potent elixir. If you appear confident (even if your knees are shaking), girls will like being around you.

3.      Talk less about yourself and more about her – You mission is to make her feel as special as much as possible. So instead of just talking about you, get her to talk about herself, what she likes, what ticks her off. Girls want to feel like you’re genuinely interested in getting to know them. So by paying attention to their opinions and views, you are actually doing something flattering.

4.      Use the right body language – True, how to talk with girls deal mainly with how you verbalize your ideas. But do you know that having the right body language can reinforce and even strengthen your appeal?  What you want to communicate here is that you are confident, relaxed, and very pleased about the situation. What you don’t want to betray is nervousness, tension and panic. So work on your habits and mannerisms to make sure you don’t give away your true state.

5.      Use eye contact. Establishing eye contact is a great way to show confidence and to let her know that you are paying attention to her. I bet you know how important it is to keep eye contact, but did you know that it’s just as important to break eye contact? Yup, you read right. Being able to break eye contact and look around (at other people and other women, too) occasionally is a sign of confidence.

6.      Get other people involved in the conversation. If you can get other people involved in your conversation with your girl a few times, it would be a great way to relieve the pressure of keeping the conversation going. At the same time, being able to pull people in will allow you to flex your social muscle and impress her with it.

7.      Talk to other people from time to time. You definitely want her to know that you are enjoying your company, but you also want to let her know that if she wants to impress you or get you to adore her, she’d have to do better to get your full attention all the time. That’s why it’s important to be able to casually cut your conversation with your girl and then talk to a different group or person. This tells her that you can have a great time on your own, that a lot of people actually enjoy talking to you. This ups your value as a potential boyfriend and effectively shifts the burden of making a good impression from you to her.

8.      Gradually increase tactility. Adding a little physical contact will only make your conversation more exciting. Introduce tactility appropriately. Teach her a dance move, thumb wrestle, “read” her palm, hug her. And when the moment is right for it, kiss her.

9.      Tease her. The last thing you want to happen is to end up in your girl’s “friends only” zone. Make it clear that you are not interested in just being friends with her. Aside from increasing tactility, another way to do this is to introduce teasing into your conversation.  

When you are hanging out with an attractive woman you know or perhaps you’ve just met, how do you select a topic to make sure you have a lively conversation with her? We already know what not to talk about (politics, religion, past relationships). But how do we decide what to talk about?

Here are some guidelines to help you choose and decide what topic to bring up, how to bring it up, and how to keep the conversation going.

1. Simple to answer.

When you introduce a topic, you should make it easy for her to respond to it. It shouldn’t have to require a lot of thought or a lot of expertise to be able to contribute to the conversation.

2. Interesting to think about.

The topic should be interesting to think about. True, you don’t want to require her to spend too much effort thinking and preparing an answer, but you do want something fun that people want to think about. Keep in mind that fun means different things to different people so make sure your brand of fun is compatible with hers so you don’t risk offending her.

3. Somewhat controversial.

There should be an element of controversy to your topic that will allow you to take contrary sides and have a fun, lively debate. It should be opinion-based, rather than fact-based. In fact, the more possible answers there are, the better.

4. Realistic.

Granted that it should be opinion-based, your new topic should carry some relevance to what you are currently doing or what you are currently discussing. You can’t just introduce a topic out of the blue. You want to integrate the new topic naturally into your conversation by using verbal bridges to make the transition.

5. Delivered as a short story.

Instead of asking a question straight away, it’s best if you could frame your question within the context of an interesting short story. It makes everyone more involved in the topic and more willing to contribute to it.

6. Insert what-if’s.

To keep the conversation going, introduce what-if’s and keep coming up with new scenarios. The new scenarios should challenge the position that the girl you’re talking to has taken. This is also a great way to flirt and tease with her.

7. Based on the level of rapport that you have established.

Generally, your choice of topic will depend on both of your backgrounds and your level of familiarity with each other. The more you know each other, the more topics you can explore and the livelier the conversation tends to be. When you’ve established a certain rapport with her, you will be able to comfortably share your opinions and experiences and this is the key ingredient of a lively conversation.

A lot of women believe in the idea of destiny - that if a man and a woman are meant for each other, the connection would be obvious from the first moment they meet, or at least soon after. This is why chemistry is an important sign that women look for when deciding whether a guy who approaches them is boyfriend material or not.

Supposing you’ve already approached a girl that you like and the girl is showing some positive signs that she might be interested in you, too. How do you make sure you create attraction between the two of you? Fortunately for us, there are several ways that we can help chemistry along. Here are some things you should do:

1.       Tease and flirt. Make sure you keep your interaction with a woman interesting by teasing her and flirting with her every time you get the chance. Being able to maintain a steady banter between the two of you is one sign women look for to check if chemistry exists.

2.       Gradually increase affectionate touching between the two of you. Make it clear to her that you are sexually attracted to her and that you are interested in moving things forward. Pace your progress depending on how fast or how slow she wants to go. How to know if you can make bolder moves? If she reciprocates by touching you back, that’s your cue to go for it.

3.       Kiss her at the first chance an opportunity to do so present itself. If she likes you back, missing the chance to kiss her may make her doubt your intentions — or worse, your compatibility. She will think of a million and one reasons why you’re holding back and hesitating to move things forward. Trust your instinct on this one. If the moment seems right for a kiss, grab it.

4.       Create a private joke that you can share. This is another thing you can do to increase the bond between the two of you. It’s also a good way to create a special connection that you can enjoy even when you are surrounded by other people or separated by miles.

5.       Give her a pet name. Again, another great way to increase the bond is to have a nickname or a pet name for each other. Nothing embarrassing, please. Make sure you choose a name that will flatter her or make her smile — not make her want to run away and hide. Using a pet name will also let other people know that you two have something special going on.

6.       Involve her in activities that you are good at. It’s important that you choose an activity that you’re good at because you want to create a feeling that you’re bringing her into your territory. Her vulnerability will then allow you to “protect” her and take the lead. Women like the feeling of being looked after, which they also attribute to your compatibility.

Great conversations do not take place in vacuum. You cannot prepare for it by simply listing down topics you want to discuss with a girl. But neither does this mean you don’t have to do any planning. Preparing for it in advance will increase your odds at having a great conversation with a woman that you like.

In order to have a great conversation with a woman, you need to find out clues about her personality and interests that will lead you to identify what topics you can talk about. Here are some tips to help you dig up those details:

1. Check out her profile at social networking sites like Facebook. Does she like to take quizzes? Or maybe she likes to participate in virtual games. Read her bio to find out how she views herself and check out her photos to find out clues about her personality. Use the applications available on these sites to interact with her.

2. Be friends with her friends. This will not only get you information about your girl, but more importantly, this will help you form good allies in keeping the conversation favorable. If birds of a feather flock together, then the sort of things that her friends find interesting she’s likely to find interesting, too.

3. Ask her what she does for fun. Say you’re talking to her and want to keep the conversation going. Asking her this question will give you an idea of her hobbies and interests. If you share the same interest, great. You can share tips and your knowledge of that activity. However, if you’re not particularly knowledgeable about the activity she mentions or if you don’t know anything about it, you can still get a great conversation out of it by asking her to describe it to you – the how, when, where, and why of it.

4. Talk about your interests and see how she reacts. Do you like a certain TV show or band? Are you passionate about eradicating poverty or world peace? Talk about it and see how she reacts. A conversation after all is a two-way street. You like to get know her and at the same time, she would also like to find out more on what kind of guy you are. If you talk about something that you really care about, your passion for it makes it infectious and may even inspire her to take up your cause.

5. Bring your friend or friends to join in the conversation at some point. It’s easier to keep a conversation alive when there’s someone else who can relieve you of the pressure to keep it going. Plan it so that you can introduce one of your friends at some point in your conversation. That way, there’s another contributor who can enrich your conversation. Just make sure you clue your friend in on your intention to bring him in.

When you’re out ‘in the field’, talking to women and hopefully working your magic on them, it easy to get complacent. For example:
- A guy approaches three separate groups of people one after the other. One group rejects him outright from the outset, another accepts him and he has a basic, short conversation with them, and the third welcomes him in and he has a long, fun conversation with them. None of the interactions end in the guy getting one of the girls’ numbers. So, after the approaches are all done, the guy looks at his watch. It’s 10:36 PM. Not bad. Pretty early, in fact. What does he do? He calls it a night and goes to find his friend.

- A guy has successfully attracted and gotten the number from a girl. He’s spoken to her on the phone three times since they first met and each conversation has gone smoothly and been enjoyable. This thing has promise, he knows it does. But he’s got a lot of work on. He’ll call her tomorrow, sure, but he needs to wait a while before he arranges their next meet-up…their first date. What does he do? Nothing. He just waits.

Thirdly, and most importantly…

- A guy has approached a group in a club and integrated himself into it. Now they’ve accepted him, he is free to talk to one of the girls in particular (his ‘target’). He strikes up a one-on-one conversation with her and they immediately seem to hit it off. She’s laughing in the right places in a natural and genuine way, she’s smiling for 65% of the time (roughly),it’s looking good. What does he do? He keeps talking to her, of course. And keeps talking. And they keep chatting. They continue conversing. They maintain their dialogue. They keep up their discussion. What DOESN’T he do? He doesn’t stoke the fire. And that’s what this article is about. Stoking the fire.

Each of the three scenarios described above are examples of times when the guys FAIL to stoke the fire. Stoking the fire means doing what is necessary to make progress with a girl in the direction of a sexual relationship with her (or, to put it another way, dating her). The reason it’s called stoking the FIRE is because when you develop something meaningful with a girl in the first hour of meeting her, you create a spark between you and her. This spark can either become a small fire (by you creating more rapport, sexual chemistry, etc.) or it can die out because you don’t take the necessary action to STOKE it. To continue the metaphor, when you succeed in creating a small fire between you and a girl (by having a conversation with her in which she enjoys herself and feels at least partially sexually attracted to you) it’s absolutely vital you FUEL THAT FIRE to stop it from dying out. You must fuel the fire if you want to succeed in attracting her enough to date her. As you saw above, it’s common for guys to get complacent when they’re interacting with women they’ve already partially succeeding in winning over. They’re either scared of taking the next step or not knowledgeable enough to know how to take it. But take it they must if they want things to move forward. So! How do you stoke the fire…

1. You must cross the invisible line from being a friendly male stranger into a sexually attractive, sexually interested male as soon as possible without freaking the girl out. What this means is that you can’t stay in the safe zone very long when you’re talking to a woman before you need to let her know that you are SEXUALLY interested in her. You don’t tell her you are, you show her you are. You flirt with her and tease her. When you start to do this, you cross the invisible line, which is a major part of stoking the fire.

2. You must begin to engage in tactility. This means touching the woman and hopefully being touched by her in return. Start with the odd light touch on her knee or upper arm (shoulder), then stoke the fire by playing a game with her hand or something.

3. Build rapport with her by telling her short, interesting stories which allow her to KNOW YOU.

4. Once you’ve flirted with her for a while and she’s flirted back and given you positive body language, you need to let her know that you are sexually interested in her by TELLING her out loud. Don’t say ‘I’m sexually interested in you’, say something like ‘Something about you draws me in…it’s a magnetic force. What is it?’

That’s a short lesson on how to stoke the fire when you interact with women.