Black Belt Seduction Blog: How to pick-up, attract and seduce women

The majority of men who decide to get in shape and beef up their muscles a bit fail because they make the on/off mistake. Most people who try to learn a second language usually fail to learn it as well as they’d originally planned to because they make the on/off mistake. And most men who try to systematically apply attraction and seduction techniques to their interactions with women in the hope of dating them fail because, you guessed it, they make the on/off mistake. So, after all that, what the hell is it?

The on/off mistake is when a person wants to achieve something, so they commit themselves in some way to achieving it, but then they STOP trying for some reason. They don’t just try a little less hard…they actually stop. So, a guy works out twice a week for a month, then looks in the mirror, gets disheartened at the lack of results and so stops working out. A person starts listening to audio books to learn a new language, sticks at it for 2 weeks, then feels they can barely remember anything they’ve learned, so stops learning. And a guy starts applying some techniques he’s learned for building sexual chemistry between him and the woman, he does it a few times for a week or so, then he slips back into his old ways: he stops trying. All of these people start in the OFF mode, then they start trying to do whatever it is they want to succeed in doing and go into ON mode, then they stop for some reason and slip back to OFF mode. It’s a binary situation—there’s very little middle ground. A guy might work out religiously for two months, then slowly work out less and less frequently for a couple of weeks before stopping entirely (and thereby going back to OFF mode), but it’s pretty safe to say that, as with everyone else, we went from ON to OFF. Simple as that.

So, let’s now focus only on you and your goal of attracting and beginning to date women.

Even before you started to learn about the real science behind conscious attraction and seduction, you probably switched between ON and OFF when it came to trying to make something happen with women. For example, a lot of guys won’t really think too much about the fact that they’re single for a while, then one night when they’re out with friends or something, they’ll suddenly go into ON mode and get the idea in the their head that they need to make something happen with a woman. So, they’ll try to achieve that. They’ll chat to a woman and attempt to flirt with her. Maybe it goes well or maybe it doesn’t. Either way, it ends without any numbers swapped or kisses given and the guy wakes up the next day in OFF mode again.

This is the kind of scenario you need to avoid being in yourself. You don’t want to be switching back and forth between not trying to make something happen with women (being in OFF mode) and making a conscious effort to create opportunities for something to happen (being in ON mode). For example, when you’re walking through the mall, you’re in OFF mode. You’re just going through the motions, doing what you need to do. You’re probably looking at girls as you pass them by, but that’s about it. You’re in OFF mode. But on a Saturday night, your ears are pricked up and you’re ready for action…ready to do some flirting if you get the chance. You’re in ON mode. You can’t live with this kind of duality. It isn’t the right way to handle the problem of navigating your way through the dating scene. Instead, you need to forget about ON and OFF and only concentrate on one thing:

You are a man who knows enough about what it takes for a man to attract a woman that he can be perpetually ready to flirt or not flirt depending on the situation he finds himself in. There is no ON or OFF, there is only yes or no. You either choose to drop in a teasing comment while talking to a woman or you don’t. You don’t go through a conversation with a woman by starting in OFF mode and ending in OFF mode. You start as yourself and you react in accordance with how you feel and how the girl is feeling. This way, you’ll never fall into the trap of failing to attract a girl because you ‘didn’t feel ready’ or ‘in the mood’ or that ‘thing’s weren’t right’. That’s the kind of stuff guys who are in OFF mode say, because they really aren’t ready or in the mood to flirt with a woman.

What mode are you in right now?

The answer, hopefully, is you aren’t in one. You’re just a fucking Zen master. You’re ready.

There’s nothing more annoying than someone who gives you instructions that they won’t follow themselves. For example, the captain of the football team suggests that more games could be won if the players started a new fitness regime. All they need to do is run 5 miles a day, simple. Oh, what? Will the captain be doing the running as well? Of course not. Now think of the players’ responses. They wouldn’t start that regime willingly or enthusiastically. Not a chance.

Believe it or not, men make this same mistake when they talk to women whom they’d like to attract. They expect the women to do and say things that they themselves won’t. Here are some examples.

First of all is story-telling and answer-giving. This might be the most common example of the mistake we’re talking about. The guy wants to talk to the woman and learn about her, so he asks her questions…lots of questions. Where do you work? What are your hobbies? What are your goals and ambitions? How do you know X? How often do you come here? Blah, blah, blah. The woman, of course, responds to these questions, because it would be rude not to. But after a short while, in her mind a double standard has been highlighted. The man is asking her for a lot of information but isn’t offering her much in return. She’s not asking for his life story or anything—she just wants things to be equal. Even the most big-headed person will only stay interested in talking to a person for a short time if that person doesn’t start balancing out the conversation with his/her own information. So, when you are talking to women you absolutely must remember to keep the conversation balanced. If you don’t do what you are asking for, then the woman will become reluctant to do it too. The best example of this is the first major story told by the man and the woman. The first in-depth experience or story you describe to a woman when you speak to her is a big event in your conversation. And the first in-depth story she tells you is even bigger. After you’ve swapped stories, you move into a new area in your conversation. It’s no longer about ideal chit-chat—you’re now really sharing personal information. You’re not skimming over things. So, your mini-goal is to encourage the woman to tell you her first story, even if it only lasts 60 seconds (that’s longer than it sounds to be talking non-stop). To do this, you should LEAD BY EXAMPLE. First tell her your own story or describe an interesting, funny, unique, relevant experience you’ve had. Keep brevity in mind. Be enthusiastic while describing it. Everything you do is an example of what the woman can now also do, so set the tone in the right way. After you have told your little story, the woman—thanks to your example—will feel much more like she can tell her own. And when she does, you’ll be on your way.

Other ways you can lead by example when talking to women with the goal of attracting them are:

- Speaking clearly and loud enough to be heard

- Being generally enthusiastic

- Being genuinely interested in what the woman is saying and replying with comments that show that you have been listening and processing the information she has given you

- Asking her questions that have some real content to them. For example, the woman has told you a little story about how she has been to 5 job interviews in the last 2 weeks in the hope of getting a job in the entertainment sector. One question you could ask might be, “Do you think you’ll get any of those jobs?” But a much more thoughtful and therefore preferable question to ask would be, “So what about that kind of job would you really love?”

- Initiate tactility with the woman by casually touching her as you interact with one another. This will give her the clearance she needs to be able to touch you. Don’t be a weirdo about it though. Touch her in  truly casual, relaxed, non-sexual way to start with. Just a light tap on the knee or a touch on her outer upper arm.

Always lead by example when talking to women—that is, if you want to sexually attract them.

To get where you want to go, you need to know where you have been.

That’s a simple way of saying that the key to achieving success in a particular field, no matter what that field is, depends on you being completely aware of your past experiences. You need to know what you’ve done and how well you’ve done at it. Armed with that knowledge, you can then focus more clearly than before on exactly what you need to do next and how you need to do it to achieve your goals. For example, a man’s goal is to become an accomplished public speaker. He makes it his goal to be the guy that gives a speech and makes every person in the audience think ‘This guy is really good.” So, he puts his name down as a speaker for a local event that’s taking place that weekend at the town hall. He makes some notes, irons his suit and gets a haircut. Saturday night soon rolls round and it’s his turn to step up and wow the crowd with his confidence and wit. Only, he’s scared stiff. His mouth is dry and his notes are wet with sweat that’s dripped from his armpit, down his arm under his shirt sleeves, onto his palms and then, from the tips of his shaking fingers, onto the page of scribbled notes. Long story short, he gets up there and makes a complete ass of himself. His first joke falls flat and the rest of his speech, or at least the parts the audience could actually make out, was boring. It had no flow and no feeling. Driving home all he could think about was how badly the speech went but how ready he thought he had felt before it. He was obviously wrong.

And in exactly the same way, millions of men are wrong about something else: the pursuit of a woman they can call their girlfriend. They know what they want so they try to get it. Then they fail and they don’t know why. The reason they fail is because they make the same mistake our wannabe-public-speaker made—they don’t consider where they’ve been before deciding how they can get to where they want to be. Let’s distil this principle a little and get right to the heart of what we’re talking about.

There are certain facts about yourself that you need to think about and deal with before you can expect to have a good chance of meeting, attracting and beginning to date a woman. They are:

- Your past successes with the opposite sex.

- Your past failures with the opposite sex.

- The social conditions you’ve lived in as you’ve grown up, from boy to man.

- The ideas you’ve formed about women and what it takes for them to find you attractive.

So, why should you consider these points? First of all, your past successes and failures can make ALL the difference to your future level of success with women, because they tend to mold you as a person. Maybe you once asked a girl to be your girlfriend when you were 11 years old, but she said no and, in front of all of your friends, crippled your self-confidence, at least regarding dealing with the opposite sex. This isn’t about deep psychoanalysis or anything—it’s just about getting an idea of what you’ve experience in the past that could dictate how your mind works when it comes to dealing with women. On the other hand, maybe you kissed 6 girls one summer when you were 13 years old. That kind of thing might have boosted your confidence through the roof.

Think about what experience you have had with girls and women and then try to tie that information to where you currently stand. You’re single. WHY are you single? Is it because you’ve never had a girlfriend? And is that because you weren’t popular at school and therefore didn’t have the chance to talk to girls? Or are you single because you broke up with your girlfriend of 4 years a month ago and are now feeling lost and confused? Only you can get a true handle on where you stand and why you are where you are. It’s only once you find the root cause of your single status that you can go about systematically changing that status from single to ‘taken’. So sit down, make some notes and be brutally honest with yourself. Why are you where you are?

Today I’m going to talk about older women – specifically, how you can go about seducing them.

First things first, we need to identify why picking-up older women is different from meeting and seducing women who are about the same age as you. There are 3 main reasons:

1. When an older woman is approached by a younger man, she’ll often feel insecure about the fact that there’s such an age gap between her and him and will therefore choose to ignore his advances – even if deep down she wouldn’t mind getting to know him.

2. Older women quite frequently assume that there must be some sinister ulterior motive for a young guy to approach them. Again, this is born out of a slight sense of insecurity. So, to try and avoid being taken advantage of or otherwise being hard done by, they shun the younger guy’s attempts at getting to know them.

3. Many older women have a preconception that young guys just can’t understand and successfully interact with them because they haven’t been around as long as they have. They think that their young age is a sign of immaturity and therefore keep away from them.

If you have a desire to meet and become close to an older woman, or have had your eye on a woman for a while that’s a few years older than you, then you need to sidestep these obstacles. Here’s how. First, you need to remember that all women, no matter what age they are, love to be engaged in interesting, thought and emotion-provoking conversation. So always focus on using your conversational skills to first create a basic level of rapport between the two of you, then a deeper feeling of sexual chemistry. Hopefully you already know how to identify topics of conversation women are particularly passionate about and incorporate them into your chats. Doing so allows the woman, even if she’s older than you, to feel as if there’s an intellectual and emotional bond between the two of you – from this grows an attraction for you, too.

Next, you should remember to use something called deflection theory. This means focusing your attention on your target older woman’s friends, so that a sense of jealousy grows in her mind and from that a feeling that she wants your attention. Just as young women are affected by seeing you flirt with their friends, so are older women. It’s a naturally in-built social mechanism. So take advantage of it.

Here’s something else to bear in mind. Older single women want different things to younger women, but not completely different things. So, you should aim to combine the following: First, pay them the attention you’d pay a young woman and don’t be afraid to be flirtatious and playful. All women, regardless of age, like to be made to feel good. Second, alter certain aspects of your game to match the older woman mindset. For example: When closing, suggest a specific event you can both go to that you feel matches what they’re interested in and their age. So, instead of saying you should go for a drink next Friday, say you’d like her to come to the bookstore with you to browse around. You don’t say this because older women like books and young girls don’t – but because the day-time experience of accompanying you around a non-sexual location provides the right kind of bonding for her more mature mindset. She finds it appealing and alluring.

And that’s a rough overview of how you should adapt your social style to successfully attract women who are older than you.

A boke name is a nickname you give a girl or a term you use to describe her while you’re attempting to attract and ‘seduce’ her. The reason boke names should be used are as follows:

• They bond you and the girl by creating rapport

• They gently tease the girl, but only in a positive way

• They let other people know that you and the girl are developing something between the two of you

So, what are boke names and how should you use them? Boke is a combination of the words bond and joke, because the name or term you use is a joke that bonds you and the girl, as well as teasing her in just the right way. Here’s how one might be used.

A guy has been interacting with a girl for about 45 minutes. He’s never met her before tonight. They’ve already started flirting with each other—it’s obvious she likes him, although perhaps not yet enough to kiss him or give him her number. So, he uses a boke term. They’re sitting with each other and he turns to her and says, “Okay, wife. What kind of pet are we going to get?” The role play begins. She takes on the role of his wife and they pretend to be a married couple. They choose a kind of pet (a badass gorilla) as the first thing they do. It goes on like this.

Another kind of boke is calling the girl a slightly goofy but affectionate name, like Froggy or Pixie. Choose a feature about her (but don’t be too mean) and declare that from now you are going to call her….whatever. The girl will laugh, perhaps pretend to be insulted (while secretly really loving it) and she may even give you your own. Make sure that the first time you use a boke name with the girl is when it’s just you and her—no on else should hear it. This is very important, because if you use the boke name in front of her friends it could embarrass her enough for her to reject it in some way, even if deep down she’d like to play along.

Boke names allow you to develop a little unique theme or in-joke between you and a girl, which can prove invaluable as you move through the process of getting to know each other. That’s because sometimes, when you’ve only just a met a girl, it can feel strange using her name a lot—after all, you don’t really know her. Using a boke name allows you to get around this. When you use them, remember the following:

• Don’t use the boke name as if you’re looking for her to respond in a particular way. Don’t say the name, then stare at her as if in anticipation of her using one for you or something.

• Use the name in almost a throwaway manner—very casual. “That’s it…from now on I’m going to call you my little Tigger…that sums up your excitable nature,” then just carry on talking. She’ll laugh and you’ll all forget about it, THEN, later on, you can poke her gently with your elbow and say, “Come on, tigger. Let’s bounce over here…” That kind of usage of a boke name can make the difference from being able to go somewhere private with your target girl, and having to stay in a large group of her friends. And that’s a big difference.

The guys in this world who regularly fail to make something happen with the women they meet are invariably unsuccessful because they don’t properly cover 7 different aspects of attraction and seduction process. Today we’ll look at this 7 areas so that you never make the same mistake.

1.    Body Language

To attract women, you body language must be solid. It must show that you are:

•    Comfortable in your surroundings
•    Relaxed in the company of the people you’re with
•    Socially experienced
•    Aware of your body and how it looks

If your body language doesn’t do those things, then you’re going to risk putting women off you before you get a real chance to verbally interact with them. They won’t dislike you, they’ll just see you as shy or awkward and therefore probably harder to talk to.

So, make sure your movements are controlled and not rushed. Reach for your drink in a casual, smooth, fluid motion—don’t grab it, sip from it, then slam it back on the table. Try not to lean in too much when talking to the woman—it could make you look a little too keen. Express your emotions with your face, don’t do the thing lots of guys make the mistake of doing by trying to play it cool and not expressing anything.

2. Voice Volume, Speed and Emotion

Our voices say a lot about is. If your voice is quiet and your words are mumbled, you can imagine the impression you’re going to give a woman when you talk to her: a bad one. Make sure you project your voice so it’s clear and confident, but at the same time, don’t shout (unless you need to because you’re in a loud nightclub). Also, pronounce words fully. Don’t swear unless you know for a fact that the woman won’t mind it. Don’t speak too quickly, because loudly, quickly spoken words aren’t much better than quietly, quickly spoken words. Make sure there is emotion in your voice as well as on your face. One should mirror the other.

3. Appearance

The more you can improve your appearance so that it matches up with what most women consider to be attractive, the better. Make sure you shoes are the same style as the rest of your outfit. It’s hard to give you specific advice on what to wear, because styles change and the particular style you’d most like to personify is anybody’s guess—but take some of your cues from what you see in popular men’s fashion stores and in good men’s magazines. Don’t ape their style—try to develop your own…but do it with a reference in mind.

4. Be Interesting

Unless you are interesting, the it’s impossible for a woman to be interested in you. You need to identify what kind of person you are and become totally aware of what you believe in, what you love, what you hate, the people you admire, and all the other things that create and interact with your personal integrity. You don’t want to find yourself in a conversation with a woman floundering on a particular topic because you don’t know what the best thing to say is—know yourself…because it’s the most important thing needed to allow women to know you too.

5. Get Good At Flirting

You need to be able to flirt effortlessly and without fear and to achieve that state, you must practice. You’ll falter sometimes, a flirty comment will go over the woman’s head or make her feel confused, but all training is good training. Remember the essence of good flirting: it’s about teasing the woman and giving her a bit of a challenge, all without it looking like you’re only doing it to make her like you.

6. Become Good At Bonding

Being able to bond with a girl is very important if you want to date her. It’s one thing sexually attracting her using flirting and teasing, but if you can’t bond with her, you can forget about her becoming your girlfriend. Bonding means developing a strong feeling of rapport between you and the girl which goes beyond the basic level of rapport all people have after talking to one another for 10 or more minutes. You and the girl need to feel like you can trust each other, that you know quite a lot about each other, and that you want to get to know each other MORE.

7. Close Fearlessly

Even when they’ve got strong attraction and a good bond with a girl, lots of guys will avoid closing the interaction by swapping numbers with her or kissing her because they’re scared the girl will reject them. You need to close without fear. As long as the signs are there that she’s attracted to you, and you’ve spent at least an hour bonding after attraction has been created, you can close. Be casual about it and do not hesitate. Just come right out and say it, like it’s obvious and simple: “We should swap numbers…” then you take out your phone. Boom. It’s as simple as that—try it.