Black Belt Seduction Blog: How to pick-up, attract and seduce women

Nightclubs can be crazy places. They’re busy, they’re loud…all kinds of stuff is going on. The nightclub environment can present a guy looking to meet new women with some significant obstacles, not least being heard above the thumping music. But that problem isn’t too hard to bypass. Usually you can just shout and move in a little closer to the people you’re talking to—although you shouldn’t lean in too much. A tougher problem is how difficult it can be to catch the attention of a woman or group of people and keep it for more than 30 seconds. More than anywhere else, people in nightclubs have SHORT attention spans. There’s so much going on, so many people around, that if you aren’t the most interesting person in the vicinity, then you’re going to get quickly overlooked. This is often a lesson men only learn when they actually get out there into clubs and start making some approaches. They think their main problems will be what they say and how they should say it, but in reality, most of the time they’ll find that their main concern is winning the opportunity to say ANYTHING in ANY WAY. Groups in clubs are different. A group consisting of only women is much harder to catch and keep the attention of than a group containing men and women. And the more attractive and sought after the women in a group are, especially if there are only women in the group, the harder it is to work with them. So, does this mean that you can’t approach and talk to women in clubs? No. No it doesn’t. But it DOES mean that you need to focus on having high energy and good guidance skills when you’re making approaches in clubs. Here’s what that means.

High Energy

Nightclubs have energy rippling through the air—they’re full of it. And it’s not just any kind of energy, it’s HIGH energy, pure and simple. Everybody is buzzing, talking, laughing, joking. So, if YOU aren’t full of high energy too, you’re going to stand out, but not in a good way. You’ll be seen as an energy black hole. You suck energy out of other people. Girls don’t want to be around a guy with low energy because it takes a lot of work to keep conversation flowing when you have to interact with a low energy person. And just to clarify, by ‘energy’, I mean how lively, enthusiastic, animated, aware and spontaneous you are. You MUST possess high energy when you approach groups in clubs, or you’ll be ejected from them pretty much instantly. Go in with a loud voice so you are heard, smile and keep strong eye contact. Present your opener in a clear way with brevity in mind. Remember that their collective attention span is short. It’s like you’re screening a short TV commercial: give them the core message and package it nicely. Shoot it their way quickly and be ready for their responses.

Proper Guidance

Once you’ve got the high energy you need in place, you need to focus on having very strong guidance skills. In other words, you need to be good at pretty much telling people what to do. I don’t mean that in a bossy sense. What I mean is that you need to be able to not just suggest that someone does something, but actually help them to do it as much as possible. For example, you want to play a hand game with one of the women (like Thumb Wars). Improper guidance would be saying, “Shall we play a game?” Dong. That’s wrong. Proper guidance would be saying, “Put out your hand like this. Okay, we’re going to have a thumb war. Go!” Ding. That’s right. On paper that might sound rather an aggressive approach to encouraging people, but in a nightclub, it’s totally normal. In fact, it’s totally approved of. That’s what you need to do to get things done. If you want to dance with a woman, don’t say “Shall we dance?” say “Let’s see what kind of moves you’ve got…” and lead her by the hand to the dance floor. Again, on paper that might sound corny because it’s so straightforward, but in a club, it’s perfect. It’s the kind of dialogue you need to get used to using if you want your approaches and conversations with women in clubs to go perfectly.

If you’ve been in more than one nightclub in your life, then you’ll know that seeing a woman by herself in one is a very rare thing. Even finding a guy who is without any friends is tricky. After all, why would somebody go to a nightclub alone? They wouldn’t. It’d be boring and depressing. So, women tend to gang together and so do men. That means that if you’re going to approach a woman to talk to her, you’re going to have to contend with the people she’s with—and so you should, they are her friends. You don’t come first until she considers you first. However, this shouldn’t always, or ever, seem like a big problem to you. In fact, with the right knowledge, talking to a woman and one of her female friends can be much better than talking to her alone, as far as attracting her is concerned.

The main reason talking to two girls who are good friends is such a good idea is that you can play off the fact that they know each other. You can give your attention to both of them and have them fight over it—providing you do a good job. Also, people tend to enjoy talking more when there are more people listening to them. One girl talking to you would probably have a little bit more fun if one of her friends is listening or also a part of the conversation. This isn’t always the case, but more often than not it seems to be how things pan out in nightclubs when the drinks are flowing and the music is blaring. So, what kind of fun can you have with two girls who are friends?

- The Test

YOU: “So are you good friends or GREAT friends?” It doesn’t matter what they say. “Okay, well let’s see. I’m going to ask you both a question and you should answer at exactly the same time, when I say GO! Okay? Ready? Here is the question. Would you rather be stuck in an elevator alone or with your friend who’s here with you now? Don’t look at each other! When I say GO, you both say friend or alone. Go!” Have some fun with it—make the test whatever you like. Do they display the same facial expressions? Are the lines on their palms similar? You get the idea.

Using some kind of fun test you can get them excited and really animated, which is just the kind of emotional state you want them to be in (in a good way, not a manipulative way).

- The Questions

Right in front of one friend, you can ask the other one a question about her. For example, “Okay, okay. You both seem fun and lively, but I swear YOU (pointing at more animated one of the two of them) are much livelier. Is she the really lively one of your friendship group?” If the one you’re talking about butts in before the other answers the question, you can say “See! You can’t let your friend get a word in edgeways. Be quiet for a second. Just close your eyes and count to 10….thousand.” Again, play around. Calibrate how flirty your question and comments are to how much progress you’ve so far made with one or both of the girls.

In essence, the trick to talking to two girls successfully is bouncing stuff off both of them—metaphorically. Don’t let one of them get bored, or she might pull the other one away. Keep the topics changing fairly regularly and if one of the girls falls out of the conversation while the other is telling a long story, you can interrupt and tease her by saying something like, “Wait, she looks like she’s about to fall asleep. Have you heard this story a thousand times? I’m loving it.” Mix things up and keep them on their feet. Tease one by telling the other something—but DON’T do it too much or they’ll see through what you’re doing. They’ll only ‘compete’ for you if they think you’re being natural and not outcome-dependant.

If you don’t happen to have a wingman or wingwoman to help support and improve your pick-up game, you can instead use a third-party to unwittingly boost your appeal in the target female’s mind. The benefits of roping in a third party to unwittingly heighten and demonstrate your dominance, social value and attractiveness are multi-faceted.

Let’s look at a couple of examples of how to use a third party before analyzing the advantages doing so offers you.

• The Helpful Vendor. A good person to use as a third party is someone you know will be around and available whenever you need to cleverly rope them into your psychological game. One profession that suits this requirement perfectly is the vendor. For example, you’ve introduced yourself to a girl who was sitting alone reading a book in a bar by using your preferred method of opening and have been talking for 20 minutes or so. You suggest getting a drink at bar and she agrees. At the bar, you get back to flirtatiously debating something you were talking about earlier and you decide to ask the barman for his opinion. Calling the barman over, you half jokingly grill him on the topic at hand, with a slight smile on your face. The girl watches on, smiling too, interrupting you to get her side of the story across to the barman. It’s a fun, light-hearted exchange.

• The Bystander. Same situation again, you’ve been chatting to a girl for 20 minutes and things are going well, the conversation is fun and relaxed. She’s displayed strong, open body language and eye contact is strong and flirty. Again, you’ve been teasingly arguing with her over something minor, you’re both using it to play with each other and generally spice up the conversation. There’s a couple sitting behind you and you turn around, wait for them to look up to see what you want, and then you ask them what they think: “Could I ask you for your opinion on something, guys? See, I think Pepsi’s the way forward, but my friend here, Betty (not her name and you know it), thinks Coke’s a million times better. Could I ask you what you think? Maybe you can help convince her…or me!”

Okay, let’s look at the benefits using a third party, as in the examples above, offers you:

1. Asking a complete stranger for their opinion, while in the company of the girl you’ve just met, allows you to give a supreme display of effortless confidence and courage. Your social value is immediately boosted in her mind. Also, the fact that you can clearly introduce yourself to anyone and get talking with them demonstrates that you didn’t just make an exception for her, which stops her ego from being unduly inflated while at the same time reinforces your status as a social creature with high personal worth – both traits being necessary components when creating attraction in the minds of women.

2. When you bring a third party into the mix, a psychological comparison is made in the mind of the female. She sees the stranger (third party) and she sees you – her subliminal conclusion is that she has more of a connection with you than the person that’s just been introduced to her and her immediate reality (through you asking them for their opinion) and –thanks to the law of contrast – you therefore appear more likeable and attractive than the third party. You can further increase this effect by choosing carefully who you use as your wingman or wingwoman. For example, you’re much better off using another hot girl as a third party (say, an 8 out of 10) than you are a guy (who’s also about an 8 in the looks department. Also, by using a female as a third party, you’re able to incorporate deflection theory into the mix.

3. Lastly, when you use a third party as an unwitting wingman or wingwoman, you’re given the opportunity to be indirectly flirty with the girl you’ve just met. A quick example of this was used in the second example, when you called her Betty, which certainly wasn’t her real name. When you make a flirty joke like this while talking to a third party, its power and effectiveness is much higher than if you said it one-on-one to the girl.

As a ‘pick up artist’ (or just a guy who’s really good at attracting attractive women), you should always be able to use your environment to make your ‘job’ of attracting women easier. Today we’re going to look at this concept in detail.

The way you approach and talk to women varies greatly depending on where you and those women are. If you are at work, you aren’t (or shouldn’t) open and talk to a woman in the same way you’d open and talk in a loud nightclub. You’d look stupid. Likewise, you wouldn’t do the reverse, because women probably wouldn’t hear you—or, if they did, they’d be put off by your lack of energy.

In certain types of venues, you can use the environment in a very special way to massively boost your success with the women in that environment. The best example of this are small venues. A small bar or a fairly small party are perfect. When a venue is small, you can use something called Priming to attract women much faster and more easily than would otherwise be possible if you were in a larger venue, like a nightclub. Here’s how priming goes.

You are in a bar which is made up of three main areas: the pool room, the bar and the seating around the bar, and the outside seating area. You are with two friends. In the pool room, which also contains lots of tables and seats, is a small group of girls. They are sitting near a window at the back. You and your friends enter the pool room and start to play pool. Here you PRIME by showing the girls that you are a high value group of guys. You display strong, confident body language, you speak clearly but not too loudly, you laugh and joke with each other without engaging in one-upmanship, etc. You effectively show the girls WITHOUT directly interacting with them, that you are attractive guys—the kind of guys they’d like to be around. Of course, you can’t control how your friends will act (unless you’re all in on it together), so just focus on doing what you need to do to look high value and attractive. Once you’ve exhibited enough attractive behavior in front of the girls (NEVER EVER show off for them—if they see you doing this, your value will drop through the floor) then you all go through to the bar area to get a drink. A few minutes later, you—alone—walk through the pool room area. It is CRUCIAL that you don’t walk UP to the girls; you instead walk PAST them. It shouldn’t seem like you’ve gone over to them specially to ask them a question. So, walk past them, pause, turn your head but not really your body (like you’re going to carry on walking), and use your opener. “I’m having a discussion with my friends and I gotta get a different person’s opinion on this…because they don’t seem to get it. Do you think a guy who carries an umbrella is weird?” Use whatever opener you like. Once they’ve answered and once you’ve teased them just a little bit, say thanks, smile and GO. End on a really high note, not a stale note. Don’t let the conversation die before you leave. Say thanks, then leave and return to your friends (which is the most real and natural thing to do). Here’s the clever part. Because the venue is small, the women won’t get lost and nor will you group. 10 minutes later, your group can return to the pool room and, as you set up a game, YOU can look at the girls, smile and give a secret thumbs-up to them…like you returned to your friends, gave the new opinions and kind of won the argument. This really bonds you to the girls—you’ll find that half the time they’ll come up to you to find out more about your group, your discussion, and YOU in particular.

That is the power of priming. Without the small venue and therefore the opportunity to prime, in this case you would have needed to open cold and then stay in the group and keep the conversation going. That’s fine—but priming the girls beforehand works so much better. It makes you look truly high value, you get pre-approved by the girls because they’ve seen you from afar, the first time you approach them it’s not a shock because they’d already watched you, the second time you appear it’s like you’re all friends…perfect.

Nightclubs can be crazy places. They’re busy, they’re loud…all kinds of stuff is going on. The nightclub environment can present a guy looking to meet new women with some significant obstacles, not least being heard above the thumping music. But that problem isn’t too hard to bypass. Usually you can just shout and move in a little closer to the people you’re talking to—although you shouldn’t lean in too much. A tougher problem is how difficult it can be to catch the attention of a woman or group of people and keep it for more than 30 seconds. More than anywhere else, people in nightclubs have SHORT attention spans. There’s so much going on, so many people around, that if you aren’t the most interesting person in the vicinity, then you’re going to get quickly overlooked. This is often a lesson men only learn when they actually get out there into clubs and start making some approaches. They think their main problems will be what they say and how they should say it, but in reality, most of the time they’ll find that their main concern is winning the opportunity to say ANYTHING in ANY WAY. Groups in clubs are different. A group consisting of only women is much harder to catch and keep the attention of than a group containing men and women. And the more attractive and sought after the women in a group are, especially if there are only women in the group, the harder it is to work with them. So, does this mean that you can’t approach and talk to women in clubs? No. No it doesn’t. But it DOES mean that you need to focus on having high energy and good guidance skills when you’re making approaches in clubs. Here’s what that means.

High Energy

Nightclubs have energy rippling through the air—they’re full of it. And it’s not just any kind of energy, it’s HIGH energy, pure and simple. Everybody is buzzing, talking, laughing, joking. So, if YOU aren’t full of high energy too, you’re going to stand out, but not in a good way. You’ll be seen as an energy black hole. You suck energy out of other people. Girls don’t want to be around a guy with low energy because it takes a lot of work to keep conversation flowing when you have to interact with a low energy person. And just to clarify, by ‘energy’, I mean how lively, enthusiastic, animated, aware and spontaneous you are. You MUST possess high energy when you approach groups in clubs, or you’ll be ejected from them pretty much instantly. Go in with a loud voice so you are heard, smile and keep strong eye contact. Present your opener in a clear way with brevity in mind. Remember that their collective attention span is short. It’s like you’re screening a short TV commercial: give them the core message and package it nicely. Shoot it their way quickly and be ready for their responses.

Proper Guidance

Once you’ve got the high energy you need in place, you need to focus on having very strong guidance skills. In other words, you need to be good at pretty much telling people what to do. I don’t mean that in a bossy sense. What I mean is that you need to be able to not just suggest that someone does something, but actually help them to do it as much as possible. For example, you want to play a hand game with one of the women (like Thumb Wars). Improper guidance would be saying, “Shall we play a game?” Dong. That’s wrong. Proper guidance would be saying, “Put out your hand like this. Okay, we’re going to have a thumb war. Go!” Ding. That’s right. On paper that might sound rather an aggressive approach to encouraging people, but in a nightclub, it’s totally normal. In fact, it’s totally approved of. That’s what you need to do to get things done. If you want to dance with a woman, don’t say “Shall we dance?” say “Let’s see what kind of moves you’ve got…” and lead her by the hand to the dance floor. Again, on paper that might sound corny because it’s so straightforward, but in a club, it’s perfect. It’s the kind of dialogue you need to get used to using if you want your approaches and conversations with women in clubs to go perfectly.