Black Belt Seduction Blog: How to pick-up, attract and seduce women

You’ve just met a woman that you really like and you want to go out on a date with her. The first date can be tricky because you are putting yourself out there for her to judge if you are boyfriend material or not. Here’s what you want: a date that is fun, memorable, exciting and one that will leave her anticipating the next one.

You will definitely benefit from some careful planning when setting it up. To help you make sure she says “yes” and has a great time with you, here are some tips to get you started:

1.       Make it a group date.

A lot of girls aren’t sure if they want to go on a date with just the two of you after just making your acquaintance. If you force it, she might just shoot down your request. To take the pressure off of her, ask her to join you and your friends for a pre-planned activity instead. Make sure it’s a mixed crowd of men and women. If you hit it off really well in the middle of the group date, you can always break away from the group and spend some time alone.

2.       Choose an activity you’re good at.

Inviting a woman to join you or your group in an activity is effectively inviting her to come into your territory. Since you would be the only person she knows in that new environment, she will naturally have to rely on you to guide her. This is a great way to show your competence and to build trust. Choose an activity that you’re really, really good at to get the maximum benefit.

3.       Select an activity with a lot of physical interaction.

Sexual energy is transmitted best through touch. Save the movie and the concert dates for some other time.  Instead choose activities where both of you have to interact with each other, such as dancing or ice skating. Not sure how much touching is appropriate? Let her take the lead. If she responds positively and reciprocates, then you’re safe to progress.

4.       Flirt back. If you see the signs that she’s having a great time with you and likes you back, don’t hesitate to flirt with her. After all, you want her to think of you as a potential boyfriend and not just a guy friend. Tease her, but take care not to offend. A light banter will also work well to build a rapport between the two of you.

5.       Read her cues and know when to kiss. This is very important because it says a lot about your ability to “listen” to her cues and to take charge of the moment. Miss it and you run the risk of her thinking that you’re not that into her. When you find the right moment, go with your instincts and give her a kiss.

A lot of women believe in the idea of destiny - that if a man and a woman are meant for each other, the connection would be obvious from the first moment they meet, or at least soon after. This is why chemistry is an important sign that women look for when deciding whether a guy who approaches them is boyfriend material or not.

Supposing you’ve already approached a girl that you like and the girl is showing some positive signs that she might be interested in you, too. How do you make sure you create attraction between the two of you? Fortunately for us, there are several ways that we can help chemistry along. Here are some things you should do:

1.       Tease and flirt. Make sure you keep your interaction with a woman interesting by teasing her and flirting with her every time you get the chance. Being able to maintain a steady banter between the two of you is one sign women look for to check if chemistry exists.

2.       Gradually increase affectionate touching between the two of you. Make it clear to her that you are sexually attracted to her and that you are interested in moving things forward. Pace your progress depending on how fast or how slow she wants to go. How to know if you can make bolder moves? If she reciprocates by touching you back, that’s your cue to go for it.

3.       Kiss her at the first chance an opportunity to do so present itself. If she likes you back, missing the chance to kiss her may make her doubt your intentions — or worse, your compatibility. She will think of a million and one reasons why you’re holding back and hesitating to move things forward. Trust your instinct on this one. If the moment seems right for a kiss, grab it.

4.       Create a private joke that you can share. This is another thing you can do to increase the bond between the two of you. It’s also a good way to create a special connection that you can enjoy even when you are surrounded by other people or separated by miles.

5.       Give her a pet name. Again, another great way to increase the bond is to have a nickname or a pet name for each other. Nothing embarrassing, please. Make sure you choose a name that will flatter her or make her smile — not make her want to run away and hide. Using a pet name will also let other people know that you two have something special going on.

6.       Involve her in activities that you are good at. It’s important that you choose an activity that you’re good at because you want to create a feeling that you’re bringing her into your territory. Her vulnerability will then allow you to “protect” her and take the lead. Women like the feeling of being looked after, which they also attribute to your compatibility.

When you’re out ‘in the field’, talking to women and hopefully working your magic on them, it easy to get complacent. For example:
- A guy approaches three separate groups of people one after the other. One group rejects him outright from the outset, another accepts him and he has a basic, short conversation with them, and the third welcomes him in and he has a long, fun conversation with them. None of the interactions end in the guy getting one of the girls’ numbers. So, after the approaches are all done, the guy looks at his watch. It’s 10:36 PM. Not bad. Pretty early, in fact. What does he do? He calls it a night and goes to find his friend.

- A guy has successfully attracted and gotten the number from a girl. He’s spoken to her on the phone three times since they first met and each conversation has gone smoothly and been enjoyable. This thing has promise, he knows it does. But he’s got a lot of work on. He’ll call her tomorrow, sure, but he needs to wait a while before he arranges their next meet-up…their first date. What does he do? Nothing. He just waits.

Thirdly, and most importantly…

- A guy has approached a group in a club and integrated himself into it. Now they’ve accepted him, he is free to talk to one of the girls in particular (his ‘target’). He strikes up a one-on-one conversation with her and they immediately seem to hit it off. She’s laughing in the right places in a natural and genuine way, she’s smiling for 65% of the time (roughly),it’s looking good. What does he do? He keeps talking to her, of course. And keeps talking. And they keep chatting. They continue conversing. They maintain their dialogue. They keep up their discussion. What DOESN’T he do? He doesn’t stoke the fire. And that’s what this article is about. Stoking the fire.

Each of the three scenarios described above are examples of times when the guys FAIL to stoke the fire. Stoking the fire means doing what is necessary to make progress with a girl in the direction of a sexual relationship with her (or, to put it another way, dating her). The reason it’s called stoking the FIRE is because when you develop something meaningful with a girl in the first hour of meeting her, you create a spark between you and her. This spark can either become a small fire (by you creating more rapport, sexual chemistry, etc.) or it can die out because you don’t take the necessary action to STOKE it. To continue the metaphor, when you succeed in creating a small fire between you and a girl (by having a conversation with her in which she enjoys herself and feels at least partially sexually attracted to you) it’s absolutely vital you FUEL THAT FIRE to stop it from dying out. You must fuel the fire if you want to succeed in attracting her enough to date her. As you saw above, it’s common for guys to get complacent when they’re interacting with women they’ve already partially succeeding in winning over. They’re either scared of taking the next step or not knowledgeable enough to know how to take it. But take it they must if they want things to move forward. So! How do you stoke the fire…

1. You must cross the invisible line from being a friendly male stranger into a sexually attractive, sexually interested male as soon as possible without freaking the girl out. What this means is that you can’t stay in the safe zone very long when you’re talking to a woman before you need to let her know that you are SEXUALLY interested in her. You don’t tell her you are, you show her you are. You flirt with her and tease her. When you start to do this, you cross the invisible line, which is a major part of stoking the fire.

2. You must begin to engage in tactility. This means touching the woman and hopefully being touched by her in return. Start with the odd light touch on her knee or upper arm (shoulder), then stoke the fire by playing a game with her hand or something.

3. Build rapport with her by telling her short, interesting stories which allow her to KNOW YOU.

4. Once you’ve flirted with her for a while and she’s flirted back and given you positive body language, you need to let her know that you are sexually interested in her by TELLING her out loud. Don’t say ‘I’m sexually interested in you’, say something like ‘Something about you draws me in…it’s a magnetic force. What is it?’

That’s a short lesson on how to stoke the fire when you interact with women.

The more familiar you are with something, the more comfortable and happy you tend to feel about it. The same applies to people—the more time you spend with someone, the more rapport you have with them and the more experiences you share. To start to date a woman, it’s crucial that you have the kind of rapport, trust and comfort that only extended familiarity can create. So, that begs the question…how can you go about creating familiarity with a woman you want to start dating?

The Houdini Hello is a very clever and effective way to do it. To use it, you’ll need the following ingredients.

- A woman who works somewhere public, that is preferably fairly busy and that has a phone whose number you know.

- That’s it. This bullet point is unnecessary.

That might sound a bit far-fetched, but it really isn’t. How many times have you been in a bar and thought that you’d really like to date one of the barmaids? Probably a fair few times. But the Houdini Hello isn’t just confined to use in bars. Anywhere where there’s a woman and a phone that she will answer and that you can ring will work. Find that and you’ll be set. There are four steps to performing the Houdini Hello.

Step #1: Build Familiarity

You need to start frequenting your chosen location a fair bit. Never go there alone—always try to go with a friend or two. That way, your ‘target’ woman won’t think you’re a loner or that you’re their just for her benefit. Go there between twice and three times a week for at least a week or two. You want to slowly develop the bare bones of a relationship with her. And it really doesn’t need to go much beyond the bare bones at this point. It’s not too tricky. First order a drink and nothing more. The next time, ask her about the different cocktails or something. The time after that, say that you liked the cocktail she recommended the last time, although it was a bit expensive. Is she taking a secret cut of the money? Blah, blah. Drop one flirty comment, but leave it at that. DO NOT come across as a guy who is hitting on a girl who’s at work. She’ll have had that more times than you’ve had cocktails. Men will have hit on her about 5 times a day for the duration of her career there. Anyway, build that very basic relationship.

Step #2: Let Her Learn Your Name

There are a few ways you can do this. You can pretend to answer your phone as she’s taking your order and say “Hello? I can barely hear you. Yeah, this is Simon. No, not Solomon. Simon!” Hang up and say to the barmaid (or whatever she is), “I hate it when that happens.” It doesn’t matter too much what you say, just say something to her so she remembers what just happened (and your name). Another way to do it is to just tell her your name, but you need to make sure you don’t come across as needy or like you’re after something from her.

Step #3: Develop a Theme

Next you need to try to develop something between you and her that is unique and memorable. The cocktails thing for example. Let’s say you’ve gotten into the habit of buying a different cocktail every time you are served by her. You and her have developed a little running joke about it. This is the kind of thing you need to establish.

Step #4: Perform the Houdini Hello

Okay, this is the big part. Find out the phone number of the bar. You’re going to call it while your target, who we’ll call Jenny, is working. You’ll know that she’s working and liable to pick up the phone because you’ll already be in the bar, standing out of sight. She won’t know that though. Call the phone and when she picks up, say something like:

YOU: “Hi, is this the Dragon Bar?”

HER: “Yes it is, how can I help?”

YOU: “Oh, great. What time do you close today?”

HER: “Tonight we close at 12”

YOU: “Hmm, okay. Do you serve cocktails?”

HER: “Sure.”

YOU: “Cool. Could you mix me up a Sex on the Beach please?”

HER: “Erm, what? Mix you one up?”

YOU: “Yeah, not too strong though thanks. Sorry, can you hang on just a second? Thanks.”

HER: “Okay.”

Now what you do is your little magic trick. Walk from where you are to the bar. She’ll be on the phone, probably looking impatient. Walk around as close as you can to her. Catch her attention and smile. Your cell phone is in your pocket, with the call still going.

YOU: “Hey, could I have a Sex on the Beach when you’re done? Thanks.”

Here is either where she realises what’s happened or she just says yeah, hang on a second. If she realises, then you should smile and take out your phone. Say “I’ll call you back” down the phone and laugh. Say sorry while smiling. Then, “But yeah, not too strong though.” She’ll be smiling and laughing by now, guaranteed. She’s just experienced something fun and original and, the key point, she ALREADY KNOWS YOU. You aren’t some random guy, you’re Solomon…I mean Simon. It’s all good. It’s perfect.

If she doesn’t know it’s you when you ask for the drink, let her go back to the conversation and when she turns around, say down your cell phone, “Never mind, you probably have customers waiting” or something along those lines.

The Houdini Hello might seem like a crazy thing to do, with a lot of preparation, but it’s only really step four that is out of the ordinary. You just need to take the plunge and DO IT. It’s so unique and fun that it will create a massive bond between you and her that will propel your relationship forward. Getting her actual phone number to call her for real later that day is nothing once you’ve executed the Houdini Hello properly.

Teasing a woman in the right way is an art form. It’s really no surprise that so many men fail miserably at it when they give it a go. In fact, some guys completely avoid flirting with and teasing a girl because they know that if they mess it up, she will immediately regard him as a failure or, at the very least, someone she doesn’t really want to spend much more time around. You’ve no doubt seen this happen in your lifetime. You may even have experienced it yourself. The man starts to flirt with the woman but he misses the target—his jokes and his attempts at teasing her are transparent and poorly executed. The woman straight away recognizes his heavy-handed attempts at flirting with her and because they’re crude and poorly calibrated, she gives him the ‘That’s nice” smile. She goes along with it. He says, “I bet you say that to all the boys, right?! Am I right?” And she nods and smiles, “Only the naughty ones!” Blah, blah. She knows what’s what.

So, yeah, some guys avoid teasing women just as a way of avoiding the above scenario. Whether you avoid teasing, are bad at it, or just need to sharpen up your ability to effectively tease a woman, it’s worth us going over a few pointers. In fact, let’s look at some great ways to tease a girl in exactly the right way.

#1: The Twinkle Tactic

To use this tease tactic all you need to do is insert it into your conversation with the woman. It doesn’t matter that much WHEN you insert it—you should just focus on saying what you say convincingly, with a slight air of busting her metaphorical balls. For example:
HER: “I go out probably three times a month, usually to clubs.”
YOU: “Really? So you’re a party girl, huh? I bet you get pretty crazy and have a wild time sometimes.”

HER (laughing): “No, no. I have a good time with my friends, but nothing too crazy.”

Now you insert the Twinkle Tactic.

YOU: “Hmm, I’m not sure I believe you. When you said that I saw a twinkle in your eyes. I swear. Do you wear contact lenses?”

HER (curious and smiling): “No, why?”

YOU: “Because there was a twinkle there. You’re a crazy party chick, I think.”

HER (laughing and smiling): “No way. I’m a good girl.”

Of course.

That’s the twinkle tactic. You doubt something she says and you say “I saw a twinkle in your eyes just then like you know something I don’t…or that you don’t want me to” or something along those lines. It’s pure teasing gold.

#2: The Twitch

This is another tease tactic that can be easily inserted into your conversation with a woman. For example:

YOU: “…it was great. You should have seen him, he was drenched in it. The only part of him that wasn’t coated white was his red face. Embarrassing as hell, but he loves telling people that story. For some reason he isn’t embarrassed NOW.”

HER: “Ha ha, that’s crazy. I would have hated that…so embarrassing. Thankfully I’ve never had that kind of bad luck really, not in front of so many people, anyway.”

YOU look at her with a sort of sideways, dubious look: “Are you sure? You just did a sort of facial twitch.

HER: “What? No way!”

YOU: “No, no. Not like that. It was really small, like you’re repressing a deep, dark secret or something.”

HER (giggling and smiling): “No, not at all! I didn’t twitch!”

YOU (busting her lady-balls):  “Yeah, you did. I was right here watching you. It was when you said not in front of SO MANY people. Did you have a private embarrassment? Or perhaps an embarrassment involving your priva….actually, let’s not go there. New subject!”

HER: “Hey, no! A new subject, sure, but I didn’t have any kind of embarrassment that I need to hide. You’re just being mean!”

As you’ve seen, both of these tactics can easily be inserted into your conversations, pretty much at any point. All you need to do is misinterpret something she says or wait for a point at which she could conceivably be hiding something or be embarrassed about something (although she clearly isn’t).

Try them—they’re good.

A confident, funny guy could have an hour-long verbal interaction with an attractive, enthusiastic girl without her ever even considering him anything more than a temporary conversation IF he failed to tease her in the necessary way.

Teasing a girl, also known as flirting with her, is an absolutely crucial thing every man must do if he wants to create enough sexual chemistry and rapport with her to arrange a date. Let’s look an example of a conversation between a man and woman that contains no flirting.

HIM: How long have you worked there?

HER: Let me think. About a year I think.

HIM: What’s it like?

HER: It’s good, I like it. Where do you work?

HIM: At the moment I’m working at a clothing store. I’m a manager there, so basically I tell people where to hang t-shirts and how to fold jeans. It’s a hoot.

HER: He he. I bet you get a good discount though, right?

HIM: Yeah, I do actually, 30%. So if you ever want some discounted clothes, you know where to come.

HER: Cool, thanks.

That was an okay back-and-forth between the man and the woman, but it wasn’t great. That’s because there was no teasing, no flirting, no banter. It was too safe. The kind of conversation you’ve just read is good for when you’ve only just started talking to a woman, but pretty soon you should be dropping in some strong examples of teasing. Here’s the conversation again, this time with some prime examples of teasing thrown in.

HIM: How long have you worked there?

HER: Let me think. About a year I think.

HIM: What’s it like?

HER: It’s good, I like it. Where do you work?

HIM: Wait, do you really like it? Because I swear there was a shifty look in your eye when you said that.

HER: Ha ha! No, I really do like it. It’s cool. So where do you work?

HIM: I’m a powerful manager at a clothing store. I hold all the cards and tell everybody what to do, like, please hang that t-shirt there, please, please! I beg of you! Not really. I work there and I’m supposed to be a manager but I tend to just have fun with my co-workers and goof around.

HER: Cool! I bet you get a good discount there, right?

HIM: You bet. In fact, if you come in I can secretly give you a 40% discount. Just walk up to the desk and give me that shifty glance you’ve got perfected. Then we’ll do the secret handshake. You know it?

HER: Ha ha, no!

HIM: Come on, with your subversive behavior I would have guessed you invented it. I’m kidding. We need to make our own one right now for when you come in. Here…

As you can see, there’s a world of difference between that conversation and the first one you read, the one without any flirting in it. Conversations that contain no flirting cannot transcend the everyday status all other conversations have into the kind of conversation you need to have with the woman: a fun, sexually-charged one. You MUST let her know pretty much towards the start of your conversation that you’re not just some innocent bystander. You shouldn’t ram your flirtatious comments down her throat, but you SHOULD drop in a few examples of teasing to create and maintain a spark in the conversation.