Black Belt Seduction Blog: How to pick-up, attract and seduce women

Most guys have to put on at least a little bit of front when they’re talking to attractive women, that is, if their goal is to attract them. But some guys…a rare minority…just seem to genuinely not care when they’re faced with the prospect of conversing with one, two, three or any number of women. It’s not just a show—they really aren’t fazed. Do you know what gives these guys that ability? It’s experience. And not just experience with women, it’s all kinds of experience. That’s what this lesson is about today. Experience is king.

Every experience you have changes the physiology of your brain. Your brains wiring is changing as you read this sentence. You’re becoming a different person in a very subtle, undetectable way. You could say that the bigger and more memorable your life’s experiences are, the more they change you. It’s not about improvement or deterioration though—it’s just change. How does this concept relate to attracting women? Well, the theory goes roughly like this. The more experiences you have, the more complex and solid your personality becomes. You know more because you’ve done more. And because you’ve done more, you’re more capable of handling yourself in a variety of situations.   Let’s use an imaginary 25 year old guy as an example. He has been to high school and been to college. He’s been on three vacations in his life, one to Canada, one to Mexico and one to New York. Two of those vacations happened before he was 16. He’s had two girlfriends. Forgetting what the finer details of his personality are, what do you think his experiences has taught him? He’s seen foreign soil, which was probably quite interesting. He’s also, of course, done other stuff on a small scale that has affected his persona. He was on the football team for 5 years. He watches a lot of movies. You get the idea. Normal stuff.

Now let’s imagine how much stronger and experienced he would be if he were to do some of the following:

- Go to India for 3 months and help the locals build a village

- Join a free acting class

- Start going out much more often to clubs with friends

- Start reading more books on a variety of subjects

- Join a gym and start working out

It doesn’t matter too much what the activities he chooses are. What matters is that he is multiplying his number of day-to-day experiences. And every one of those experiences adds to his character, making it more varied and interesting. He becomes stronger. The alternative to this character-enriching approach is living a life in which he goes to work, comes home, watches some TV, goes out with friends twice a month, sometimes reads but sometimes doesn’t…he doesn’t push the boat out. You must always be striving to experience new things if you want to build your character and personality enough to be able to walk through a bar or nightclub and feel totally at ease. The more you do, the simpler this one action becomes.

There’s nothing more annoying than someone who gives you instructions that they won’t follow themselves. For example, the captain of the football team suggests that more games could be won if the players started a new fitness regime. All they need to do is run 5 miles a day, simple. Oh, what? Will the captain be doing the running as well? Of course not. Now think of the players’ responses. They wouldn’t start that regime willingly or enthusiastically. Not a chance.

Believe it or not, men make this same mistake when they talk to women whom they’d like to attract. They expect the women to do and say things that they themselves won’t. Here are some examples.

First of all is story-telling and answer-giving. This might be the most common example of the mistake we’re talking about. The guy wants to talk to the woman and learn about her, so he asks her questions…lots of questions. Where do you work? What are your hobbies? What are your goals and ambitions? How do you know X? How often do you come here? Blah, blah, blah. The woman, of course, responds to these questions, because it would be rude not to. But after a short while, in her mind a double standard has been highlighted. The man is asking her for a lot of information but isn’t offering her much in return. She’s not asking for his life story or anything—she just wants things to be equal. Even the most big-headed person will only stay interested in talking to a person for a short time if that person doesn’t start balancing out the conversation with his/her own information. So, when you are talking to women you absolutely must remember to keep the conversation balanced. If you don’t do what you are asking for, then the woman will become reluctant to do it too. The best example of this is the first major story told by the man and the woman. The first in-depth experience or story you describe to a woman when you speak to her is a big event in your conversation. And the first in-depth story she tells you is even bigger. After you’ve swapped stories, you move into a new area in your conversation. It’s no longer about ideal chit-chat—you’re now really sharing personal information. You’re not skimming over things. So, your mini-goal is to encourage the woman to tell you her first story, even if it only lasts 60 seconds (that’s longer than it sounds to be talking non-stop). To do this, you should LEAD BY EXAMPLE. First tell her your own story or describe an interesting, funny, unique, relevant experience you’ve had. Keep brevity in mind. Be enthusiastic while describing it. Everything you do is an example of what the woman can now also do, so set the tone in the right way. After you have told your little story, the woman—thanks to your example—will feel much more like she can tell her own. And when she does, you’ll be on your way.

Other ways you can lead by example when talking to women with the goal of attracting them are:

- Speaking clearly and loud enough to be heard

- Being generally enthusiastic

- Being genuinely interested in what the woman is saying and replying with comments that show that you have been listening and processing the information she has given you

- Asking her questions that have some real content to them. For example, the woman has told you a little story about how she has been to 5 job interviews in the last 2 weeks in the hope of getting a job in the entertainment sector. One question you could ask might be, “Do you think you’ll get any of those jobs?” But a much more thoughtful and therefore preferable question to ask would be, “So what about that kind of job would you really love?”

- Initiate tactility with the woman by casually touching her as you interact with one another. This will give her the clearance she needs to be able to touch you. Don’t be a weirdo about it though. Touch her in  truly casual, relaxed, non-sexual way to start with. Just a light tap on the knee or a touch on her outer upper arm.

Always lead by example when talking to women—that is, if you want to sexually attract them.

The telling of stories and anecdotes is the main way we describe to other people things that have happened to us. This is because we use stories to not only tell another person facts, but also to get across specific ideas to them, concepts like who we are as a person, what we’ve done, our philosophies on life, how we treat our friends, what we love and hate, how we cope under stress, etc. Being able to tell interesting stories that engage the girl’s attention and capture her imagination is a great skill to have and use during part two of the game. But being able to tell stories that are not only interesting and engaging, but also laden with subtle indications of your high value is even better. Here are the main things to focus on when telling stories that demonstrate high social value to the woman you’re talking to.

• First, bear in mind the things that suggest, when casually mentioned, that you—or any man—has high social value. Here’s a starting list: lots of past girlfriends, many female friends, lots of male friends, a really interesting social occupation, examples of how you protect and look out for your friends, exciting/adventurous experiences. These are things that, when inserted into the conversation correctly, effectively change the girl’s perception of you for the better: she thinks you have more value (and therefore attractiveness) than before.

• You must remember not to make your value-added stories sound like bragging, showing-off or lying. To do this, don’t dwell on the facts that you know add value to your story. Don’t make a feature of them, just drop them in as part of the picture you’re painting as you talk. For example, let’s say you used to date a model. Instead of telling your prospect a story that centers around the fact that your girlfriend was a model, tell her something that includes that fact just as a bit of extra information. For example, you wouldn’t say: “My ex-girlfriend was a model. She was really popular and always working, but then again, she was extremely hot. Like, a 10 out of 10.” This just screams over-compensation on your part and, if you said something like this to your prospect, you’d lose value for it in her mind. You could still use your model ex-girlfriend to add value to a story, but you should do it more like this: “Really? I used to travel to work on the train all the time. It’s so hectic during the morning rush our, right? It’s weird how you can see so many faces on a train every morning and even though you catch the same one every day for a year, you recognize practically no one. It’s like they only exist for a day. *Allow your prospect to reply* This weird thing happened once. My girlfriend at the time used to travel all over the country at weird times of the day because she was a model for a fashion house for a few years. Our travelling schedules were never the same, though. Anyway, it was one busy morning, same old thing. I get on the train and it’s packed. There’s people pushing and shoving, you know. I work my way on and start walking down the aisle. Then I see right at the end of the aisle one free seat, which is like the holy grail at this time in the morning. So I practically sprint down to get it and, to my surprise, actually make it. So I sit down and relax. There’s one person sitting on my right, in the other seat. Literally a minute passes before I glance over my shoulder and who is it? My girlfriend! I didn’t even know she was catching a train that day, let alone the same one as me, at the same time. She was sleeping, her head was on her folded jacket. So I had a little fun first, you know, tickled her nose and stuff. She didn’t wake up. Then a kissed her on the cheek and she woke up straight away looking pretty shocked. But it was cool when her facial expression changed from shocked to surprized and happy. She said that the car that was supposed to take her from our city to the next hadn’t shown, so he had to get the train. It was cool—we got to spend a couple of hours having fun, playing travelling games, you know.”

Do you see the difference there? There is a real narrative to that story. It’s packed with details and none of it sounds arrogant or like bragging. The first piece of value-adding information is when you mentioned your girlfriend. Ding! One point. You’ve had girlfriends in the past. Then you mention she was a model. Ding, ding! This boosts your value massively, but only because the way you mention the fact that she was a model is so justified within the context of the story. You tell your prospect she was a model as a way of explaining why your travelling schedules were never the same. Next, you explain the weird coincidence of you meeting your girlfriend on the train. This is a nice little touch, because most people like hearing stories that contain pleasant, unexpected events. Then you describe how you woke her up and what you did after she awoke. You kissed her. Ding! Then you had a great time and played travelling games, like hangman and tic-tac-toe. Ding, ding, ding! There’s huge value demonstrated there, because what girl wouldn’t love to bump into her boyfriend on a boring train journey and have a great time playing silly games with him? Women love this kind of thing.

And that’s the theory behind telling value-added stories: include subtle mentions of things that add to the girl’s impression of your social value by incorporating them into an interesting, engaging story that justifies why you’re including the value-adding facts. You’ll see that by doing that, extremely strong sexual attraction is gradually developed.

Here’s a quick real-life story which happened not that long ago. I was in a bar with some of my friends and our group had, over the course of the night, somehow become merged with another group of guys and girls who I’d never met before. Amongst this new group were a couple of girls who were very attractive and seemed really nice (you can see where this is going!).

Anyway, I get talking to one of them. She’s sort of hesitant at first to get into emotional, fun conversation, but I manage to draw her in using a quick psychological ‘test’ which I said is supposed to be quite revealing. She enjoyed that a lot and it seemed to open her up a fair amount. But she still wasn’t totally hooked on me—there was a tiny bit of attraction, but it wasn’t quite there. So, I did something completely random. I said, just after we both laughed at something we both found funny, “You’re great. It’s weird, if you were my usual type we could be like the next Bonnie and Clyde, don’t you think?” This comment, which I thought would totally put her off me, actually seemed to ignite something in her. It was like I’d lit a match and set fire to some passion in her. She said, “Yeah, definitely. So what’s you type?” and she started playing with her hair, totally locking eye contact with me. I couldn’t work out what had happened, but a couple of minutes later I realized: I challenged her. She had thought that I liked her (I did) and that in my mind the deal was sealed. That wasn’t exciting to her—she wanted a challenge. When I said she wasn’t my type, that’s what I have her. After that line, she immediately started qualifying herself to me. I described the kind of woman I like: “Well, a lot of passion…I’m not saying you’ve not got passion though, you know…erm, I like someone with that mischievous look in their eyes, like you don’t know what they’re going to do next. I love that.” Straight away she said, “I’m passionate! I love blah blah blah.” It was so straightforward. I told her what she wasn’t and she told me what she was, and all because she wanted me to be attracted to her. I raised my social value so much that she suddenly couldn’t get enough of me.

So, the next time you think a girl is a little bit into you, but not as much as you’d like, tell her she’s not your type and see what she does. You’ll soon find out what she feels about you. But MAKE SURE you don’t say it in a kind of “You’re not my type because I can tell you aren’t attracted to me!” If you do that then she’ll just respond with “You’re not my type either.” Mix the comment into something positive, like the Bonnie and Clyde thing.

There are at least two things wrong with ‘romantic pick up lines’. First is the word ‘romantic’ and second is the phrase ‘pick up lines’. Let’s tackle the romantic thing first. Your job is to go up to a woman you’ve never met before and get talking to her. She knows nothing about you, not even your name. Is being romantic really the best thing to do? So many men would say yes because they think the word romance somehow sums up a kind of perfect mode of behavior for attracting women, but it doesn’t. You should NOT try to be romantic when you first meet a woman. It’d be like a salesman trying to sell you some gasoline before you’ve even bought or SEEN the car. Stupid. Romance is something that should always come after attraction and rapport. You need to bond with a woman before you can consider being romantic—that is, doing things that highlight and strengthen a strong sexual and emotional bond between you and her.

Now onto the phrase ‘pick up lines’. The idea of a line you can use to attract a woman is a common fallacy. The only times lines work is when they’re delivered in a way that makes the woman see the man as high value and funny. It’s not the line that does it—it’s the guy, in spite of the stupid line.

So, forget about lines like “Did it hurt? [When?]…When you fell from Heaven!!!” Using stuff like that is a sure fire way to ruin your chances of looking attractive to a woman.  Here’s what you need to do instead:

• Maintaining and displaying your high social value should always be at the top of your to-do list. So, you need to make sure nothing you do lowers it—this, of course, means avoiding stupid pick-up lines.

• Don’t use a pick up line, use an OPENER. As you should already know, an opener is a first comment or question which follows these rules: it is interesting, it requires the woman or group to think about it and respond, people WANT to reply to it, it’s sometimes funny or little controversial, and it doesn’t make you look needy or like you want something (attention) from the group or the women in the group.

Mystery is fascinating. Look how fast people get bored of news stories about murders and unexplained fires when the real details are discovered and released: Mr Nutty killed the landlady because he couldn’t pay his rent, and the fire was started by an unattended candle, not by rogue dwarves. When stuff becomes normal, people don’t see that stuff as any different to anything else that’s normal. It just merges into everything else. So! You can see how creating mystery when talking to a woman for the first time could be a very beneficial thing if your goal is to keep her interested in you and attract her. Before we get into how to create a good sense of mystery, it’s important to say that women need to trust men before they can consider the idea of dating them as a realistic one. If you create too strong a sense of mystery, then they might see you as a danger. And if you withhold too many details from them when they ask for them, like what you work as, then they’ll think you’ve got something to hide. It’s all about striking a balance between being open and honest and cool and mysterious. Here are some good ways to do that.

• Your phone is a tool you use to stay in touch with your social circle. Having a wide and high quality social circle is an attractive thing for a woman to notice, so give her a chance it notice it. Every now and then, check your phone quickly. Don’t do the phone checking thing that some guys do because they’re nervous and they want something to do with their hands. When she’s briefly addressing someone else, but while you’re still in the conversation, whip out your phone, check it, then put it back. Don’t do it rudely when she’s speaking. Later, you can take it out and make a call or write a text. You want to appear, if it isn’t true, that you are always staying in touch with people. This is, after all, a good thing.

• Carry a pen and a piece of paper. Take it out and jot something down, then put it back in your pocket. If the woman asks what you just did, say “I’m writing something at the moment and whenever I notice something in real life that I know will work, I write it down.” That’s a mysterious statement and it’s up to you whether or not you expand on it any further. You don’t have to lie, either. Truly write stuff down that interests you—like stuff you notice about people’s body language…information you can later use to improve your own persona and appearance.

• When the woman asks you a very personal question, it’s okay to sometimes give a jokey mysterious comment. “So, what did you do at the weekend?” she asks. “Me and a few friends completed this little mission we’d been planning. It went really well, but I can’t say too much, or Rachel over there will probably kill me…or both of us.” Stuff like that. But try to bring the woman in on the mystery. Don’t lock her out…let her in…but only a little bit at a time.

• One of the first things you should make sure you DON’T do is introduce yourself to the woman by telling her your name, your job or anything along those lines. Would you care if a guy came up to you and told you his name? No. Women don’t either. It’s non-information to them, it’s not emotional. You need to create emotion at the start of your conversation, so talk about interesting, fun stuff, not boring, plain stuff.

Always try to create a keep a bit of mystery about you when you first talk to a woman, then, later on, you can reveal more about yourself. That’s an attractive way to do things.