Black Belt Seduction Blog: How to pick-up, attract and seduce women

A massive mistake men make when chatting to women is interrupting them while they’re talking. Now, I don’t mean they literally butt in and start talking over the girl – we all know that would be rude. Instead, I mean they give out what are called ‘alert signals’.

These are subtle movements and gestures that subliminally indicate to the girl that you want to begin speaking and put her back in the listener role. Guys don’t realise they produce them, but when they do, girls immediately feel as if they need to wrap up what they’re saying and let the guy they’re talking to take over. This puts a damper on their experience talking to you and makes them enjoy the conversation less, as they unconsciously feel as if they’re not being given the freedom to fully express themselves. What you should always do is let the girl talk for as long as she needs to, while encouraging her along the way by using something called ‘back-channel’ signals. First, though, I’ll describe the ‘alert signals’ you need to avoid giving out. They are: widening your eyes, slightly parting your lips, touching or gently tugging on your ear, breathing in audibly, or raising a hand or finger. Guys unknowingly produce these alert signals for two reasons. The first is because, while the girl is talking, they hear something they know they can ask a question or talk about, so – in an effort to say something interesting and keep the conversation going – they produce an alert signal to try and take over the speaker role and ask or say whatever it is they thought of. The second reason is because when we are in the role of the listener, we maintain much heavier eye contact with the person who’s speaking than they do with us. Next time you talk to someone, you’ll notice it straight away. While chatting, they’ll tend to glance away every so often – it helps them think of what they’re going to say next and also indicates that they don’t want to hand over the speaker role just yet. So, when a girl talks for a minute or so, guys – who are giving more eye contact than the girl because they’re listening and not speaking – get nervous and thus seek to take over speaking. Do not do this! Strong eye contact is a powerful tool in your armoury of seduction techniques and should not be avoided. Instead, allow and actually encourage the girl to carry on talking. You do this by not producing alert signals and by encouraging her to carry on talking by giving her back-channel signals. For example, slightly nodding your head when she makes a certain point or statement. Smiling a little at the funnier moments of a story she’s telling. Giving her verbal supporters, like: “Yeah”, “Really?”, “I agree” and “Uh-huh”. Also, casually and subtly repeating a few of the words spoken by the speaker also helps show that you’re understanding, agreeing with and enjoying what they’re telling you.

The other advantage of letting girls talk until they’re ready to relinquish the speaker role is that they tell you more information that can potentially be used as part of your response. So, even if she says something halfway through talking that you think would be good to comment on, let her finish. All you have to do is remember what she’s said and carry on listening for anything else that could be useful. Once you practice combining this listening technique with the technique I told you about earlier, which involves using ‘what’, ‘where’, ‘why’, ‘who’, ‘when’ and ‘how’ to form interesting and engaging questions, you’ll notice your conversations with the opposite sex take on a whole new level. They’ll flow easily and casually and the previous feeling of pressure, to maintain the chat and keep things moving, will have vanished.