Black Belt Seduction Blog: How to pick-up, attract and seduce women

When you are in the getting-to-know-each-other stage, it can be difficult to find enough topics to keep the conversation flowing. This is because you don’t know enough about each other yet and often you are unsure about how far you can go on a certain topic without putting her off or offending her.

At this early stage, your goal is two fold: First, you want to get to know her better and find out if she really is your type. Second, you want to make a good impression on her. You want her to like you back and to find you attractive as well.

A rule of thumb when it comes to these types of conversations is to remember to talk to her about the things she likes - and not just the things that you like or topics that you are comfortable with. Don’t hog the conversation or talk about yourself and your interests. Apart from appearing conceited, you also miss out on the opportunity to gather information about her that will allow you to impress her even more.

That said, it doesn’t mean that you go the other extreme and never talk about yourself your interest at all. This is just as bad as appearing conceited, because you lose out on the chance to show her what a great, smart and funny guy you are!

The key is to strike a balance, to have both of you participating and sharing in the conversation. If she’s happy to talk about her interests and share her views, let her. But if she’s the type who’s a bit reserved, someone who likes to listen, then be sure to pack enough stories to engage her interest.

So if you’re looking for ideas, here are some topics on what to talk to girls about during your first few meetings. These topics are great to use as starting points to any conversation, because they’re neutral, and they’re easy to navigate to pursue other, more interesting topics.

1.      The weather. Don’t laugh! It may sound mundane, but really, the weather as a topic has a rich potential as a springboard to other topics. For example, while talking about the weather, you can move the conversation to how she chose her outfit to get to work that morning, or how it affected the mode of transportation she used, the amount of traffic on the street, the weather in places she’s travelled to, food cravings that are weather dependent, or activities that are great to do when the weather is a specific way. I could go on and on, and so can you.

2.      Work. The amount of time we spend at work means a large part of who we are is defined by what we do. Talking about work will allow you to see where her passions are. At the same time, talking about work will also allow her to see how talented you are. It adds to your value as boyfriend material to know that you’re a well regarded expert in a certain field. Keep in mind that we’re not talking about how much you’re earning. Even if you don’t earn much (not that I’d advise you to talk about how much each of you are making), as long as you show confidence, passion and expertise, it’s enough to make her think highly of you.

3.      A topic that you’re an expert at. And speaking of expertise, when faced with a lull in the conversation, it’ll be good for you to share a story about something that you’re truly an expert at. It doesn’t have to be work related – it could be about a hobby that you enjoy, an interesting piece of news you read that morning, an opinion about something somewhat controversial, a trivia that really amazed you, a new “it” gadget you’re lusting after – it could be about anything, really, as long as it’s something you know inside out. You don’t want to be caught with an “I’m not really sure…” when she asks you more about it.  

4.      Media – TV, music, movie, site, etc. Popular media is a great starting point to find out more about her other interests. A popular movie, what’s playing on her ipod, where her fave artists or bands are playing, or the blogs that she’s following – these are all topics that you can talk on and on about.

5.       Food. Food is a great topic because it can be controversial when you need it to be, and it can also be safe and fun. Everyone is always on a diet – even the no-diet diet is a diet. People love to talk and share interesting food finds. It could also be a pre-curser to a conversation on where you’ll go on your next dinner rendezvous.

The secret to making a conversation flow? Read and share! Read as often as you can on topics that you find interesting. And then practice sharing what you know with other people. That’s the best way to always have a roster of interesting topics to help you decide what to talk to girls about.

Having a great conversation is the best way to get a girl to like you. Not only will she think that you’re smart and funny, but she will also think that the two of you have chemistry – that you are mentally, socially and sexually compatible just because you were able to keep a conversation flowing. That’s the power of a fantastic conversation.

On the other hand, a terrible conversation is devastating to your chances of ever dating the girl that you like. So, pay attention, gentlemen! Here are some ideas on how to talk with girls so that you’ll get the response that you want – which is to get her to like you romantically:

1.      Be spontaneous – Even if you have prepared the topics that you are going to talk about and memorized every detail, data and statistic on those topics, you need to be able deliver your messages in a spontaneous and fun way. Plan, but don’t plan too much that you’ll get flustered if the conversation goes into an area or a topic that you don’t know much about. Conversation is a two-way street and you have to be open to how your partner responds. And you need to react appropriately.

2.      Look confident – Confidence is a very potent elixir. If you appear confident (even if your knees are shaking), girls will like being around you.

3.      Talk less about yourself and more about her – You mission is to make her feel as special as much as possible. So instead of just talking about you, get her to talk about herself, what she likes, what ticks her off. Girls want to feel like you’re genuinely interested in getting to know them. So by paying attention to their opinions and views, you are actually doing something flattering.

4.      Use the right body language – True, how to talk with girls deal mainly with how you verbalize your ideas. But do you know that having the right body language can reinforce and even strengthen your appeal?  What you want to communicate here is that you are confident, relaxed, and very pleased about the situation. What you don’t want to betray is nervousness, tension and panic. So work on your habits and mannerisms to make sure you don’t give away your true state.

5.      Use eye contact. Establishing eye contact is a great way to show confidence and to let her know that you are paying attention to her. I bet you know how important it is to keep eye contact, but did you know that it’s just as important to break eye contact? Yup, you read right. Being able to break eye contact and look around (at other people and other women, too) occasionally is a sign of confidence.

6.      Get other people involved in the conversation. If you can get other people involved in your conversation with your girl a few times, it would be a great way to relieve the pressure of keeping the conversation going. At the same time, being able to pull people in will allow you to flex your social muscle and impress her with it.

7.      Talk to other people from time to time. You definitely want her to know that you are enjoying your company, but you also want to let her know that if she wants to impress you or get you to adore her, she’d have to do better to get your full attention all the time. That’s why it’s important to be able to casually cut your conversation with your girl and then talk to a different group or person. This tells her that you can have a great time on your own, that a lot of people actually enjoy talking to you. This ups your value as a potential boyfriend and effectively shifts the burden of making a good impression from you to her.

8.      Gradually increase tactility. Adding a little physical contact will only make your conversation more exciting. Introduce tactility appropriately. Teach her a dance move, thumb wrestle, “read” her palm, hug her. And when the moment is right for it, kiss her.

9.      Tease her. The last thing you want to happen is to end up in your girl’s “friends only” zone. Make it clear that you are not interested in just being friends with her. Aside from increasing tactility, another way to do this is to introduce teasing into your conversation.  

When you set off to meet girls, selecting the right location is important. This is because the location can either help you sell yourself or work against you. The primary consideration shouldn’t always be the number of women you can potentially meet, but rather, how you are likely to be perceived when you make your approach given the setting you are in.

Take for example clubs. While there will definitely be a lot of single ladies in clubs, you have to bear in mind that women are conditioned to think that men in clubs are the types who hit on women.

Before you make your approach, you have already been pre-judged as someone who’s only interested in picking up women. Before even uttering your first word, you already have a barrier that you need to overcome.  This is what makes meeting interesting women in clubs more difficult than it should be.

The best places to meet girls are generally places where women do not expect to be hit on. These are places where “sleazy men” do not hang out in. But they’re not so random that you’ll be perceived as a complete stranger. You want to have some way of relating to the girls you’re meeting, so the location you choose should provide you with a lot of options. There are plenty of possible settings. To narrow it down, here are some locations for you to consider:

1.    Weddings - Social gatherings, especially weddings are a great place to meet women. And it also makes it easier to start a conversation – just simply ask her how she is related to the wedding party!  Never underestimate the power of mutual acquaintances. They can give you an edge by helping you appear to be someone who is familiar, who is “safe” to date. And do not underestimate, too, the romantic halo cast by the general mood of a wedding.

2.    Company Symposiums, Trainings or Meetings – Before you do this, make sure that the girl you are approaching isn’t someone you work with closely. This is to avoid any complications if in case the relationship doesn’t work out. Work is a great way to meet women, because having a job generally makes you more attractive to women. The more prestigious your work, the more attractive you are. And within your professional circle, how well you are faring is generally well-known. Given this setting, it will be easier for you to establish your “alpha-ness” or your dominance when approaching women.  

3.    Hobby Clubs – When you have a common hobby or interest, it will be easier for you to strike up a conversation and to appear sincere – because you really enjoy what you’re doing. When you’re in a hobby club, the environment is less toxic and more relaxed because hobbies are activities you engage in at your leisure. This is a great place to meet like minded women who are open to meeting new people.

4.    Gym – The gym is a great place to socialize. In fact, having someone to talk to while exercising is a fun way to make time go faster and to keep yourself motivated in working out (Hint: Propose to become gym buddies and call each other up to help each other stay “compliant” to your fitness routine. This gives you a legitimate pretext to swapping numbers with her). We all know how flattery and giving compliments can soften people up and are actually great openers. The gym provides the perfect setting for using this approach. Next time you hit the gym, why not plant yourself on the treadmill beside a hot girl you dig?

5.    Schools, Campuses, Classes – These are not just places where serious studying happens, but are hotbeds for social interaction as well. So the next time you feel a little social drought when it comes to meeting girls, sign up for a class (acting class, dance class, pottery class, writing class) and meet new faces.

Just remember that when it comes to meeting women, there are many great places to meet girls and they’re usually in places where you might not expect to meet them. So keep your eyes peeled!

Before you make a move and transform a platonic relationship into a sexual relationship, you would typically want to make sure she is already sexually attracted to you. There’s no point rushing in now and risking your friendship and your chance to date a girl that you like if she’s not yet ready to make the transition.

To check if your friend is ready to become your girlfriend, watch out for these signs that she’s falling for you:

1.  She calls you and talks to you on the phone for hours. This says a lot about the level of comfort that you have achieved with each other. If she’s calling you more and more often and you find yourself chatting with her till the wee hours of the morning, you’ve got a real connection going on between the two of you. Definitely a good sign that she sees you as more than just a friend.

2.  She gets jealous when you talk about other girls or when she sees you approaching other girls. She won’t come right out and admit it. After all, she knows that she has no right to get jealous. But she will let you know how annoyed she is by ignoring you for a while or avoiding you when she sees you with another girl.

3.  She suddenly becomes very sensitive. Perhaps you are used to treating her like one of the boys and you like to tease her a lot. Suddenly, she becomes unusually sensitive to your comments and wonders if you are half serious when you tease her, especially if you tease her about her appearance.

4. She starts dressing up more femininely. If she begins to pay more attention to how she looks, she might be trying to remind you that she is a girl.

5.  She never misses a chance to spend time with you, especially if it’s just the two of you. If she’s almost always free to accompany you, if she changes her plans or moves her schedule around just to be able to hang out with you, that’s a definite sign she likes you.

6. She mentions you a lot to her friends. Girls cannot help but talk about a guy they like or quote them on something they said. So if you learn from her friends that she’s quoting you a lot or mentions your name a lot, that’s your green light to make your move.

7. She expects you to do things that boyfriends normally do, like bring her home or hanging out just the two of you. If you normally do these things for her, the tell tale sign to watch out for is how she will react if you miss any of these tasks. If she’s cool about it, then she’s a good friend. But if she suddenly turns ice cold, there’s definitely something going on.

8.  She tries to get good with your family. When girls like a guy, they want to impress not just the guy, but his family as well. She’ll be especially nice to his siblings or to his mom and act really warmly around his family to make sure they have a good opinion of her.

9.  She asks you to give a remark on her appearance or on how well she’s doing. When friends ask each other for an opinion, they really want to know your honest opinion. But when a girl likes a guy, she asks for an opinion and expects to get an affirmation. So when she starts phrasing her questions where you have no choice but to agree with her or to praise her, then that means your approval is becoming more and more valuable to her.

10.  She touches you more often. A good indication that a girl is falling for you is if she touches you more frequently or stands really close to you more often. If you notice this, then you should definitely ask her to be your girlfriend.

When you are hanging out with an attractive woman you know or perhaps you’ve just met, how do you select a topic to make sure you have a lively conversation with her? We already know what not to talk about (politics, religion, past relationships). But how do we decide what to talk about?

Here are some guidelines to help you choose and decide what topic to bring up, how to bring it up, and how to keep the conversation going.

1. Simple to answer.

When you introduce a topic, you should make it easy for her to respond to it. It shouldn’t have to require a lot of thought or a lot of expertise to be able to contribute to the conversation.

2. Interesting to think about.

The topic should be interesting to think about. True, you don’t want to require her to spend too much effort thinking and preparing an answer, but you do want something fun that people want to think about. Keep in mind that fun means different things to different people so make sure your brand of fun is compatible with hers so you don’t risk offending her.

3. Somewhat controversial.

There should be an element of controversy to your topic that will allow you to take contrary sides and have a fun, lively debate. It should be opinion-based, rather than fact-based. In fact, the more possible answers there are, the better.

4. Realistic.

Granted that it should be opinion-based, your new topic should carry some relevance to what you are currently doing or what you are currently discussing. You can’t just introduce a topic out of the blue. You want to integrate the new topic naturally into your conversation by using verbal bridges to make the transition.

5. Delivered as a short story.

Instead of asking a question straight away, it’s best if you could frame your question within the context of an interesting short story. It makes everyone more involved in the topic and more willing to contribute to it.

6. Insert what-if’s.

To keep the conversation going, introduce what-if’s and keep coming up with new scenarios. The new scenarios should challenge the position that the girl you’re talking to has taken. This is also a great way to flirt and tease with her.

7. Based on the level of rapport that you have established.

Generally, your choice of topic will depend on both of your backgrounds and your level of familiarity with each other. The more you know each other, the more topics you can explore and the livelier the conversation tends to be. When you’ve established a certain rapport with her, you will be able to comfortably share your opinions and experiences and this is the key ingredient of a lively conversation.

When a woman meets someone she likes, her body sends out signals to let the other person know that she likes him. This is all done without her conscious knowledge. And because it’s unconscious, it’s very, very hard to manipulate body language to mask what she is truly feeling. She may tell you one thing, but if her body language signals otherwise, you’ll know which is which.

In order to be successful at meeting and dating women, you need to be perceptive of the signals that she will give out. To find out if she finds you sexually attractive, here’s a list of common flirting signals women use.

1.       She smiles shyly and looks coyly at you. When a woman first sees you and she finds you interesting, she will smile and look at you a certain way. Once she gets your attention, she will slowly lower her gaze and look away. This is her way of inviting you to approach her and start a conversation

2.       She shows you more of her skin. When a woman is attracted to you, she will seek to attract you by showing a bit more skin. For example, she’ll tilt her head to one side to show you her neck.  She’ll touch her bare shoulders. If she’s sitting down, she may move her hands on her hips or on her legs. The movement of her arms seeks to draw your attention to her bare skin.

3.       She nods in agreement often and listens intently. When you are talking to a woman who finds you sexually attractive, she’s going to want to flatter you by giving you her complete attention. She establishes eye contact, tilts her head to one side and will nod in agreement often. She will also smile a lot, even if you’re not saying anything particularly amusing. She will also try to end your sentences for you or rephrase your statements.

4.       She moves into your personal space. A woman who finds you sexually attractive will not be afraid to walk into your personal space. By moving into your personal space, she’s giving you permission to be a bit more physical with her.

5.       She touches you. This is one of the more aggressive flirting signals that a woman is attracted to you. How do you distinguish flirting from friendly touch? If the touch seems to linger longer, and if it happens in increasing frequency, she’s flirting with you.

6.       She draws attention to her lips. A woman who is attracted to you will unconsciously try to draw your attention to her lips. She does this by touching her lips, pouting or playing with her straw.

7. She removes physical barriers to get close to you. A woman who is attracted to you will actively try to make herself more inviting to approach. She’ll make sure she doesn’t cross her arms and she adopts an open posture. She might move away from her group so you can approach her. Or she might subtly parade herself around you, to make sure you notice her.